


We Must Be Dreaming

by milk_not_malk



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Olympics, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, M/M, Matsuoka Rin is a little shit, Pro Swimmer Matsuoka Rin, Pro Swimmer Nanase Haruka, Romance, Romantic Soulmates, Surprise Side Pairing, Vanilla, cliche af but cute kinda, haru has anxiety issues, nanase haruka is bad at feelings, rin has a tattoo, these guys are crazy fast swimmers yo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 00:21:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 60,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16799977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milk_not_malk/pseuds/milk_not_malk
Summary: In which Rin never returned from Australia for high school and the next time they see each other is in the Olympic finals eight years later.





	1. Prologue I: Haru

The water.

The smooth feeling of carving your own path through.

The burn in your lungs when you push your body to its limits.

The fluidity of the moment, where propelling yourself faster is the only option.

The stadium.

People cheering in the stands.

Announcers running a play by play on screen somewhere.

Cameras that follow your every move.

No, focus on the water.

“Please come forward.” An event official waved him over as he waited in line with his eyes glazed. Every ounce of focus being used to think about the race; what he was going to do, what was in his control. Countless past races had honed his concentration, and now he believed nothing could stand in his way.

The official smiled at him. Offered words of good luck fall on deaf ears. He felt like a robot as he told himself over and over to ‘ _focus… focus… focus…’_

“Representing Japan! Haruka Nanase!” An announcer’s voice boomed over the upbeat music and cheers that suddenly flood his brain like a tidal wave. Haru calmly made his way to the starting platform, desperately trying to regain his startled concentration.  The nervousness rose from his stomach like a boiling volcano. The fearful thoughts began resurfacing from where he’d forced them down. His eyes twitched around the stadium, everyone was watching him. Like many times before, he questioned himself… Why was he even doing this, again? Did he actually _want_ to be here?

_‘Focus on yourself.’_

He reminded himself of the words of his team psychologist. One thing at a time. He’d often had trouble with nerves before, even when he knew he truly had nothing to lose. Flicking his long raven hair from his eyes, he settled on a small smile at the annoyingly insistent cameraman, refusing to show his weakness to the crowd. 

‘ _Focus on the water.’_

He unzipped his national team jacket, letting it drop to the pool deck behind him. A chill swept through his body, goosebumps pebbling on the surface of his skin. He straightened himself, rolling his shoulders back and drowning out the unnecessary cheers of the crowd as the rest of the swimmers are announced. He looks out across the water, calming his breathing and finding his body tuning out the noise until he’s completely within himself now. Sheltered once again inside his own head.

There, across the pool, stands the giant Olympic rings. Tempting him with their promise of victory. Teasing him with their ability to hinder his focus.

This is the men’s 100m Free Finals.

His brief meeting with the water will be over in roughly 47 seconds.

He stares longingly at the pool, wanting feverishly to dive in and swim, to feel comforted by the presence it brings him. His heart jumps to his throat when the starter calls the athletes to their starting positions. He takes a deep breath, feeling the swell of oxygen in his rising chest replace the anxiety as he paces the few brave steps up onto the starting platform. The view from the top seems miles high.

The entire stadium goes quiet now, nothing but the sound of breathing and anticipation filtering through the air. Haru leaned down, clenching his toes over the platform and gripping the edge. Tensing his muscles in preparation to fly. His focus is at an all-time high, and nothing can stop him now. 

But then, in the silence of the stadium, he hears the snap of rubber meeting rubber. A peculiar sound. One that blinks him from his mental fortifications. Memories of beaches and summer, swimming pools and laughter all flit in front of him as though playing on a screen. Maroon hair. A wide smile. Blood-red eyes.

His breath leaves him as he glanced to his left. 

And there they are. Red eyes. _Blood-red_ eyes that stare back at him after a moment. His vision tunnels and he can’t look away. It barely registers when the starter plunged the button and a loud _beep_ echoes through the whole stadium. 

Haru doesn’t even notice that every other swimmer but two have dove into the water.

All he can see is Rin.

*

“That’s it! I quit! I’m done!” His coach yelled in a heavy German accent and stormed around the room with his hands over his head. “We put hours, _years_ into this gold medal and this is how you repay me? I should’ve known, you’re too young to put any _real_ responsibility into this, this is all just some _game_ to you, isn’t it. No! This is real life, you were the favourite going into that race and now look at you! You’re the world’s laughing stock! A dewy eyed young boy like you distracted by some rookie Australian is _not_ how you win gold medals! That was your one chance and you _blew_ it! You should seriously consider retiring after that stunt you pulled, but you’re on your own now. You can find some other coach and waste their time, but _I_ only train winners.”

And with that his coach slammed the door, leaving Haru alone in his apartment in the athlete village. He sat like that for a long time, knees tucked up under his chin, his arms linked around his shins. He rocked himself back and forth a bit, ignoring his phone pinging every ten seconds with messages from his friends and family. Notifications from different social media outlets with him tagged in them. The occasional text from the swim team manager letting him know he needs to accept interview requests and sort everything out.

Haru didn’t have the heart, however. It shouldn’t matter anyways, his racing career was as good as finished. The national teams don’t want to promote unsportsmanlike behaviour, especially during events where you’re under the most scrutiny of the public eye. And unfortunately, the media had ultimately perceived this as some political stunt about one thing or another, which meant it fell back onto the national teams’ shoulders (who weren’t wanting to deal with it anyways). In the end, they just decided to cut out the problem, this problem being Haru. But Haru couldn’t find it in himself to care, if the swimming world wants him out, he wasn’t going to force himself to stay. It wasn’t worth it if he wasn’t enjoying it anymore.

He was eighteen. Most people were going to college, going to parties, having relationships. Things that Haru didn’t get the choice to experience the moment he decided to swim professionally three years ago. Not that Haru really cared that much for parties or relationships, the only time he felt he truly belonged was in the water. Even now with the Olympics being over and the athletes partying like their lives depended on it, Haru felt no obligations to join in. He wasn’t good at that kind of stuff.

Maybe it was a bad idea after all — deciding to go pro. Maybe it was time to settle down and go to college, swim solely for the joy of swimming just like he had his whole life, even though in recent years that joy had waned significantly. He considered what life would be like without racing, however he knew if he truly wanted to stay all he had to do was persuade the national team that no other damaging stunts would be pulled again. He was the best swimmer in the world, they’d be stupid to simply let him go after a small problem like this.

And yet, as much as Haru knew this fact, he also knew this was his chance to make a decision for himself. He could use this to get away from the spotlight, he could use this to finally have a more normal life. He couldn’t deal with the media and political part of racing professionally anyways, it was always the water he sought. It brought him peace and comfort, it reminded him of feelings he didn’t quite understand, and at this point in his life, he wasn’t sure if he had the desire to. Yet, he was embarrassed. Ashamed. He’d let all of his supporters down, all his years training accounted to nothing. All because he saw _him_.

With a groan, Haru tightened the drawstrings of his hoodie around his face until only his eyes and nose peeked out through a small puckered hole. His heart beat rapidly in his chest and blood rushed to his face. He felt like a school kid, awkward and flustered over their first crush. But Haru couldn’t help it, not when he saw him.

He saw Rin.

And _Rin saw him._

In reality, it was pretty brief. They stood there, stock-still, for about two minutes, until all the other racers had finished, celebrated their victories, and gotten out of the pool. And just like the audience, confused as to why Haruka Nanase, the top male swimmer and heartthrob of the athletic world for the past three consecutive years, was still standing there like an _idiot_ atop the starting platform. It wasn’t until event officials pulled him down that he removed his eyes from Rin’s locked gaze, quietly letting each of them know separately that they’ve been disqualified from the race and to follow the others back into their respective change rooms under the stadium. He didn’t know why he didn’t run to Rin right then and there, shake him and hug him until he got one back, apologize for getting them disqualified, ask him the billion questions he’d conjured while he thought about him everyday after Rin left for Australia.

But instead, as he fell in line with the other competitors, just mere metres from where Rin stood tensed, everything happened in a flash.

A loud crack. The vision from his eyes blipping into darkness for a moment. The shocked roar of the crowd. Then finally, the pain that spread over his jawbone from the impact from Rin’s fist all flitted through his brain. It happened quicker than he ever imagined.

He rested a thin hand over his cheek, opening and closing his mouth experimentally to confirm nothing was broken. Then looked back at the heaving, raging form of his old friend glaring at him with such a heated gaze it was surprising he wasn’t set on fire. Rin opened his mouth to speak, surely filled with an array of colourful language and insults. But before he could, event officials and security were already escorting him from the premises, eager to get out of view from the cameras. One of his competitors offered Haru a hand, asking if he was okay, then helped him too away from prying eyes and into the secluded hallways under the stadium.

Now, Haru poked a single finger through the fabric of his hood, wincing slightly when pain waved across his jaw.

He just wanted to go home.

Luckily, the Olympics finished without another fault. Haru had multiple interviews everyday until the closing ceremonies. Repeating lines his manager had told him to say whenever he was questioned about ‘ _The Rin Incident’_ as he had come to call it. Politely telling the interviewer he wasn’t sure what his plans were with continuing racing quite yet and he’d need to figure it out after the Olympics were over. Damage control, that’s what it really was.

Social media had blown up. People made assumptions as to _why_ Haruka Nanase was so distracted by a young Australian man in the first place. An Australian rookie who (most people would say) only made it to finals through a fluke. People created theories, some not being far off from the real deal.

In all honesty, Haru had just been so completely overwhelmed with emotion when he saw Rin, he didn’t know what to do or how to respond. Before Rin left for Australia, they had been rivals, best friends, maybe even something more than that. But they were still children, and so as Haru grew up, his feelings only ever remained on Rin. He never truly understood why girls became flustered around him or admitted fidgety confessions to him all throughout high school. And with himself never being able to reciprocate those feelings back to them. His friends had always joked saying no girl was good enough for King Haru. The ‘King’ part always made his temper boil. But in some ways, they weren’t wrong. No _girl_ was good enough, anyways…

He’d always made up lies, telling his friends it’s just because he didn’t know the girls who asked. That her hair wasn’t the right colour. That she wasn’t tall enough. Or the most common one — that the water didn’t like her. His friends always called him too picky. He’d never get laid at this rate, they’d tell him. At least Makoto never bugged him about it. And he still never bugged him about it now, even after graduating and pursuing swimming.

What can he say, Haru was a one track mind kind of guy.

As he returned to Iwatobi, guilt ridden and in low spirits, and apologizing profusely to his parents and friends who had supported him with his short albeit plentiful career, Haru locked himself in his room. His parents had returned home for when he arrived, and all three of them silently worked around their daily routines in borderline awkward silence.  After three days of moping, Haru ran to the ocean, deciding a long swim in the salty seawater was better than laying in a lukewarm bath for hours on end. That and his body was itching to be moving again. The lifestyle of a world class swimmer not completely leaving him no matter if he decides on retiring or not.

As always, he sought solace in the water.

The feel of gliding with ease. His body floating and becoming one with the entity that had the ability to be calm and beautiful, and also destructive and violent. The water which consumes his very heart. The love of the ocean and of floating and of swimming. The same love he’d learnt he had when he’d first met that feisty boy with maroon hair and a wide smile all those years ago. When they had been children. Playing in the sand, racing together in the pool, holding hands to and from school. It had all been so natural, so familiar. And those thoughts raced to the forefront of Haru’s brain as a salty splash of seawater wetted the side of his cheek.

He found his thoughts drifting to Rin once again, something that seemed to be happening more and more frequently since his startle at the Olympics. Wondering how he’s dealing with everything on his end. Wondering how he’s _doing_. Hell, Haru hadn’t seen him in eight years. He had envisioned things to go differently when they had finally seen each other again. Because, yes, Haru always knew he’d have to find him. No matter _if_ Rin had moved all the way to Australia or not. Just to see him one last time, to know that the redhead was alright and that he was _happy._ Rin may have forgotten all about Haru, for all he knew. But for Haru, the memories of his friend were too precious to let go of.

Floating on his back and looking up into the leisurely moving clouds above, Haru wished upon every star in the universe that he’d have the chance to make up with Rin. Partly because he was ashamed with how they’d left things. And partly because he didn’t think he’d be able to suppress the guilty knot in his stomach if he didn’t ever confess his feelings.

*

“So this is your room. You want help getting settled in?”

“No, thanks Makoto.” Haru tilted his head to look up at emerald eyes that watched the side of his face tenderly.

“I’ll, uh, just be in the other room.” A deep chuckle rumbled from Makoto’s chest after realizing he’d been caught staring, and quickly retreats from the doorway.

With a sigh, Haru looked around his small bedroom. _Small_ being an accurate word.

A twin bed was neatly made in one corner, and he had a tiny closet, a beat up looking dresser, a table with a lamp beside his bed, and a full length mirror that hung from the opposite wall.

Haru dropped his large suitcase on the floor, deciding to put things away later, and instead went in search of the bathroom, hoping to soak in a bath for a few hours to unwind from his long day of travel and school tours.

“Oh there’s no bath, just a shower.” Makoto offered from the hall where he eyed Haru with a tinge of amusement. “We could go to the pool though, you’ll need to know where it is eventually.”

Haru mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like “What kind of apartment doesn’t need a bath.”

“Hm?”

“Whatever.” Haru looked off to the side.

He couldn’t help the achy, empty feeling in his chest as he took in the scenery out the doors of his new apartment complex. Tokyo was as large and intimidating as he’d always remembered it being, and although their neighbourhood was a little quieter than most, Haru still hated the sheer amount of people wandering about the streets, and the noise that the city brought with it. There was a little park Makoto showed him a couple blocks away that was filled with a wide variety of people ambling through. Haru’s expression was as indifferent as he felt.

Then they were heading across the street towards where Haru would spend the next however many years of his life locked away inside of. The university campus was actually pretty nice, lots of funding from big businesses making the buildings modern and pristine, the lawns green and trimmed with plenty of gardens spattered throughout. Haru felt a little out of his comfort zone.

It felt strange to know this was his new life, that the past three years of constant training, endless laps of the pool, and aching and breaking muscles was all behind him. That from now on, pushing himself to his limits didn’t apply to racing anymore, but to the rest of his life. It was freeing, but it was also confusing. He’d been trained like a soldier to win races, so specialized in his skills that he feared his head wouldn’t ever quite get out of the pool. He assumed it’ll help that he was here on a swim scholarship and that the university expected him to win for the school instead of for the country now.

The pairing made their way across campus, Makoto still chatting idly and Haru only half listening as they open the doors to the athletic centre. His new home. The familiar scent of chlorine blasted him as they stepped inside, and the receptionist only smiled as they pushed through the change room doors.

“You know, I’m so happy you decided to come to Tokyo, and I’m really glad you continued to keep swimming, Haru. It’d have been a shame if you straight up quit after… um…”

“I just came for the pool.” Haru deadpanned.

“Yeah, of course.” Makoto covered the slight pang of hurt he felt with a gentle smile. “What I mean to say is that you’re a beautiful swimmer, Haru. You belong in the water and I’m happy you’re keeping at it.”

“I’m swimming for the school team on a scholarship, it’s not like I’ll ever compete internationally again… or beat my PB.”

“I don’t think it’s ever too late when you truly love something. Don’t be so hard on yourself, this school is lucky to have someone as amazing as you.”

Haru looked over where his friend studied his face with a warm smile.

“Thanks Makoto.” He mumbled, even if he didn’t believe his friend’s words in the slightest.

When they reach the pool, Haru’s already stripping himself of his clothes, his jammers (as usual) on under his pants. He pulled his goggles from his pocket, pressing them over his eyes quickly. The pool’s empty, the water calm and even on the surface, inviting Haru in with a flick of a finger. Except this finger turns out to be Makoto’s hand, pushing him in when he’s stood uncharacteristically on the deck’s edge for far longer than was normal.

The water engulfed him, cradling his bodyweight and floating him to the surface. When his head broke the top, Makoto’s deep laughter filled his ears.

Haru flipped onto his front. His fingers cutting like blades through the water as he propelled himself to the other side. The water rushed past his face, brushing his cheeks and his forehead with delicate strokes like a paintbrush. Flowing seamlessly over his shoulders and down the rippling muscles of his firm back. He swam non stop until his mind began drifting from the euphoric feeling of the water to other (unimportant) things and he paused next to the edge where Makoto had rolled up his pant legs and stuck his feet in. Haru took in a few deep, chlorine-filled breaths and shook his hair dry, throwing his goggles onto the deck. A spray of water catches his shoulder as Makoto playfully flicked his toes.

“So? Do you think the pool’s good enough, oh high-and-mighty Olympian.” Makoto smiled warmly down into curious blue orbs.

Haru looked around, pushing himself from the edge to tread water. The pool was built new; it had large wooden beams that stretch across the length, skylights shone the afternoon sun down onto the flickering water. Around the outside encircled elevated stands for observers that sat atop a wall on the deck. It is a beautifully crafted Olympic-sized pool, worth every penny put into it. Not that he assumed this thing was built with pennies (that would’ve been a lot of pennies).

His skin itches from the chlorine. Haru always had preferred the ocean.

“Better than a shower, at least.”

*

The soft vibrating hum of his phone’s alarm woke Haru from his slumber. After showering (which lasted forty-five minutes), breakfast (consisting of only mackerel) and pulling on his clothes (meaning a shirt and pants over his jammers that were perpetually glued to his skin), Haru ambled to the school’s pool for his first official practice with the new team.

It’s a heavy task first thing in the morning, and Haru felt the weight of sleep push down on his shoulders as he stifled a wide yawn. Each step is dragged across the floor and he seriously considered skipping and going back to the inviting comforts of his bed.  Unfortunately, as much as he didn’t want to be there, he had signed a contract with the university team that forces him to swim, no matter what he feels. Like when he raced internationally on the national team, Haru felt the same way — that his body doesn’t belong to him. And his results belonged to someone else. Truly, the university was only after his name and reputation.

He drifted into the change rooms where the other boys on his team are already changed into their jammers and pulling their goggles down around their necks. Their roughhousing and laughing ceases the moment the door closed behind him.

“Holy shit.”

“That’s…”

Haru looked to the side and began stripping himself of his clothes, neatly placing them in a locker. He grabbed his goggles before stepping past the group and out to the pool deck. From behind, as though awoken from their star struck state, his teammates file out as well. Nudging each other and mumbling as their curious gaze lingered like lighters against Haru’s bare skin.

Their coach appeared from a side door and strode over to them boisterously, introducing himself to the group and asking each of the first years for their names. When it’s Haru’s turn, he’s already tuned out the conversation, instead studying a piece of dirt float idly in a puddle by his feet.

“Nanase?”

He blinked slowly and looked up at the expectant face of his coach, realizing everyone’s waiting for him to answer something.

“Yes?”

His coach laughed loudly, the bellowing roar echoing around the empty cavern of the pool. All of his teammates are quiet. An almost respectful aura of interest lining their blinking eyes as they watched Haru struggle under his own anxiety. He didn’t let it _show_ , of course. But he thought they could tell and that made him even more nervous.

“Well the question was what swim team are you from, but we all know who you are so I guess it’s hardly a question!”

“Right.” Haru murmured after a moment, feeling pinned down under the intense gaze from his fellow teammates. He didn’t like this, how they’d already singled him out. Sure, he’d had some success while racing professionally. And sure, they were probably confused as to why he decided on racing the collegiate circuit now. He knew they didn’t despise him, in fact it was clearly the opposite. They looked at him like he was something untouchable, and that was a little irritating in itself. _Especially_ when all Haru wanted was to blend in with the crowd. He’d had his time in the spotlight, and he’d hated it. He wanted to swim for… for what? For fun? That seemed a little far-fetched, since Haru had forgotten what made swimming fun for him in the first place. 

Perhaps he was swimming because he’d always been swimming, and now he just didn’t know what to do with his life anymore. Or perhaps he was still swimming in search of something he’d lost along the way. The reason for his love of water that had become muddled over time. 

Starting back from square one. That’s what this was. At least, that’s what Haru told himself.

“Alright and moving on… uh… hm — seems he’s not here yet. Boys, let this be a lesson for all of you, if you’re late to practice you’ll _all_ be doing—!”

“I’m here, I’m here, coach. Geez, what got your panties in a bunch this…” 

His heart froze. His breathing stopped. His eyes widened fearfully as he immediately recognized the voice. A voice that didn’t need to be heard everyday to know the owner. Because a voice as dark and scandalous as that can only belong to one person in particular. 

“… morning.” The voice finishes after a pregnant pause. Haru turns away, his face looking out at the water as colour rose to his cheeks and his ears burned red in his fluster. His heart now beating rapidly in his chest. His palms are sweaty. He gulped thickly.

Then finally, Haru looks up to see Rin.

Rin.

As in the Rin that smiles and laughs behind his closed eyelids late at night.

The same Rin who swam and played with him everyday as children.

The Rin who Haru had been undeniably in love with for the past eight years of his life.

Rin, who’s tensed shoulders and angry red face pushed past the group of startled boys aggressively. Who’s stomping straight over to Haru where he stood like a deer in headlights. It wasn’t until Haru felt the pressure of Rin’s hands death grip onto his biceps, or the slap of calm water breaking under his skin that he realized they had fallen into the pool.

Or more specifically, that Rin was dragging them both under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Yay, new fic! This one has been completed already, so expect regular posting every saturday with no delays (sadly the same cannot be said about my other fics).  
> It's around 55,000 words in total, and like the tags say pretty light on angst, plot, etc in comparison to my other fics. I have one thats heavily angsty, one thats heavily plot based, and now one for pure fan service! :D  
> There will be graphic male/male sexual content later on, as well as an emphasis on childhood romance and getting together after years apart.  
> Characters are a little OOC but I tried my best to reimagine them in a believable way, including their developments nearing the end.  
> Although this has pro swimmer stuff in it, the fic doesn't stress the sports side too much and focuses more on rin and haru's relationship instead with swimming as a backdrop for brownie points!  
> Switching POV per chapter between haru and rin, hopefully you'll be able to see a difference in writing styles between the two (my depiction of rin is more crude haha).
> 
> If you're enjoying this one so far kudos and comments are really appreciated! 
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> This is my first rinharu fic, but please feel free to check out my other fics (which are both currently unfinished) if you're bored between updates.  
> Thanks!


	2. Prologue II: Rin

“Fuck yeah!”

Rin roars as he slaps the water with his goggle-fisted hand, a wide smile spreading from ear to ear as his name flashes up, first, on the results board above the pool deck. He pulls himself from the pool, smooth lines of water cascading down his rippling back. His defined arms shaking with fatigue after just swimming the race of a lifetime. He jumps on the deck, pumping his fists in the air. Spurred on by the cheering spectators.

This result was surely good enough.

He’d just qualified for the Olympics.

And he was on top of the fucking world.

It’s confirmed, too, when the announcer calls it out over the speakers and the crowd erupts into another frenzied round of cheers. A rookie who beat out all the current Australian record holders to claim his right to qualify. Rin’s looking around the stands that surround the pool, searching for the familiar pair of bright teal eyes he knew was watching him. His search didn’t last long, however, when the large body of his boyfriend jumped from the stands, sprinting across the slippery deck to gather Rin up into his arms and plant a kiss on the crown of his head.

“I fucking did it!” Rin shouted, to everything and nothing all at once, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet.

Tears fall from Sosuke’s cheeks and he smiled into Rin’s maroon hair. “You fucking did it.” He repeated.

“I f-fucking…” Rin wrapped his arms around Sosuke’s waist and buried his face in his shirt, soaking it with tears as he nuzzles closer. His body racks with violent sobs. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Sosuke leaned down to plant a wet kiss on his cheek. “You’re so fucking amazing.”

Rin straightens up slowly, rubbing at his red eyes with the back of his arm and turned to wave at the crowd with a bright smile.

The Olympics are only a month away when all the qualification races are finished in each country. The respective national team sites online, of course, are bragging about their athletes, promising placing results and talented up-and-coming rookies. Rin smiles a bit when he sees the article written about him on Swim Australia.

Because Rin’s mother’s originally from Australia, and so technically he has full citizenship, he was able to make the team with his best race, the 100m freestyle. It hadn’t always been his best, he used to prefer butterfly when he was a kid. But as he got older freestyle had grown on him; the smooth, graceful form that allowed you to cut through the water at the fastest speeds possible. The quickest race that had you fighting tooth and nail for that extra millimetre to place. The race where spectators blindly believed the athletes were the best in all of the swimming disciplines. And that’s precisely what Rin sought. To be the best. To be the fastest.

He thought it’d be easier qualifying on the Australian team rather than the Japanese team, which based on reputation alone seemed like an outrageous choice. But this choice was made mostly due to a certain someone who was winning international races easily like it was no big deal, currently swimming for Japan. The same person who answered every interview Rin had binge-watched with such a calm finality you’d think he’d just spent a day at the beach, not making record setting times.

It pissed Rin off.

He’d catch himself on multiple occasions, late at night, scrolling through every post Haruka Nanase had ever made online, cursing himself once he realizes he’d been at it for hours. Honestly, he doubted Haru’s even the one making the posts. That kid is about as social as a sack of potatoes. It’s most likely a team manager or someone he hired to keep his online presence well-known. Not that he really needed it. For the past three years, the only person anyone had been talking about in the swimming world was Haru.

He was the fastest swimmer in the world. Not hard to believe really, if you’d known him as a child like Rin had. Since coming onto the pro circuit, Haru had broken every record there was to break, some in an almost laughable margin. But like he so stubbornly refused to swim anything by freestyle as a kid, the same still applied to his racing now. He wasn’t the most decorated swimmer ever, he’d only been at it for three years after all. But his impressive winning streak is matched by no other. Frustratingly so.

It made Rin wonder what the hell he’d been doing all this time in Australia in the first place, if Haru could make it that far without twitching a finger. Was all his effort in vain? Would he ever be as good as Haru like he had been in the past? What had changed…

And yet no matter how hard he wracked his brains for an answer, no matter how intense the training or how close his times, Rin knew he was as far below Haru as the next swimmer.

His old friend Haru.

The quiet boy who’d always had an affinity for water. The one that was Rin’s rival back in grade school. The boy from the tiny town of Iwatobi, where he’d flamed Rin’s love for swimming into a bonfire. In reality, they’d only known each other for one year while Rin’s family moved briefly to town. And yet that was the most memorable year of his life, where he’d made great friends. Back then, he’d swam with such newfound intensity, like a spark that hit a trail of oil. And it was all because of Haru.

That idiot of a boy who never smiles and who was surprisingly good at drawing, who baths with his swim trunks on and refuses to eat anything but fish. Haru, who was always daydreaming during class and who would jump into any body of water he could find, no matter how small.

It was times like these when Rin would slap himself across the face, hoping to wake himself up from his rambling mind. To stop thinking about Haru and just… just _stop thinking about Haru!_

“God, I’m so pathetic.” He mumbles around the apple he was crunching on and tossed his phone to the other end of the couch.

“Who says that.” Sosuke asks as he reappears from the kitchen holding two cans of beer in one very large hand. Rin licks his lips.

“No one.” He grumbles and twists to look out the window beside him with another bite of his apple.

Sosuke cracked the top of his beer and takes a long drink, setting the other one on the table.

“You want one?”

Rin huffed and looked back at his boyfriend. “I _told_ you, I _can’t_. Not with the Olympics coming up. I’m gonna be in my best shape yet, those pussies won’t know what hit them!”

Sosuke fluttered his eyelids with a half smile and a nod, as if saying, ‘ _Yeah, yeah, I know, dumbass.’_

“Besides I’m gonna make it to finals and then beat the shit out of Haru. Then he’ll have to remember me, you know?”

“What’s your obsession with this Haru guy anyways?”

“I _told_ you, Sosuke, he’s just—…” Rin pauses and stares off into space, not completely sure how to finish that sentence. They couldn’t still be… friends? Not after all this time.

In all honesty he doubts Haru even remembers who he is, unlike how Haru himself had so frustratingly been the sole thought of Rin’s everyday since that one year so long ago.

“… he’s just a really fast swimmer.” Rin turns back to the window glumly.

“He seems like an asswipe.”

Rin laughs, nearly choking on his food. “You nailed that one.”

A thin silence settles between them, only broken by the hasty crunch of Rin’s apple.

“Sorry, I’m whining about him too much, aren’t I.” Rin spoke finally.

Sosuke puts his beer down and leans over the couch to trail hot lips over the redhead’s cheek, holding his jaw in one hand and weighing heavily on the other. Rin pauses his chewing and tilts his face in the direction of piercing tropical eyes.

“In my house, the only name I want you whining is _mine_ , got that.”

“Aye, aye, captain.” Rin smirks and catches Sosuke’s lips in his.

*

It was finally the day.

Rin woke up exactly three seconds before his alarm, shutting it down before it had the chance to go off and ruin his early morning bliss. He had a huge breakfast, fuelling his body with enough nutrients to feed a small army. And also to help him race optimally, you know, that too. He’d already made it through prelims, quarterfinals, and just barely squeaked through semi’s, and now the day had finally come. His coaches absolutely refused to let him see the start list anywhere online, quarantining him from all forms of media coverage and even going so far as to take his phone away for the night (since Rin had a tendency to overthink things before races). But he didn’t care, he knew exactly who’d be in the finals with him. And he was ready to crush him with everything he had.

When Rin arrives at the pool, the first thing he does is put on his headphones, drowning out any unnecessary noise. His focus became tunnelled, his eyes set on nothingness. All throughout his warm up, he’s sure to keep his mind only straying as far as it truly needs to be. He needs to stay concentrated no matter what. He wasn’t racing just for himself anymore. Now that he had made it to the Olympics, he was racing for his dad too. To achieve the dream his dad never got the chance to in his short life. And now that he was here, the heaviness of his life’s quest proved nearly suffocating. This race was important.

It was finally time to start lining up to head out to the pool deck. Rin zips up his green and yellow national team jacket and swung his arms in wide arcs vigorously, keeping the blood flowing and the muscles warm in his shoulders. He looks up the line of people. 

And it happens. 

He feels his breath catch in his throat and his heart skip a beat when a lithe, black headed form shifts into view before disappearing out onto the pool deck. A raven haired body he’d memorized the shape of. Who was burned into Rin’s brain like a hot poker. It’s like a familiar face in a busy crowd, making him do a double take only for it to disappear completely when he actually looks for real. Doubt pools in his chest and he seriously considers that maybe he was just hallucinating, which is stupid, because he fucking _knew_ he’d see him here today. But now that it was finally happening, it just seemed so _real._ Too _soon._ Like Rin would never be ready to face the full front of his feelings and wasn’t sure he ever truly wanted to anyways.

But those thoughts were pushed back when the roof above his head quakes like an earthquake. Excited screams penetrate his ears and the floors rumble like a train was racing through the walls. Even though his music plays in unhealthily high volume levels through his headphones, Rin was taken aback at the sheer _strength_ of the cheering that shook the entire stadium to its core. The other competitors shift around anxiously, and Rin doesn’t blame them. Following out after something like that is fucking intimidating as hell.

He eventually sees the event official mutely beacon him over with a wave of his hand, tuned out by the upbeat music blasting his ears off. When he walks out onto the pool deck he _assumes_ the announcer calls his name and he _assumes_ the crowd is cheering for him. But he really can’t be sure. At least he knows Sosuke’ll be cheering no matter what, and that makes him smile a bit. He waves for the cameras excitedly and takes up position behind his starting platform on the outside. 

Rin sees him.

_Rin sees him._

His heart stops.

Haru stands with all the confidence of a silverback gorilla, staring out over the smooth surface of the pool. Glaring with calm, cool, defiance at the giant Olympic rings at the opposite end. Rin feels his palms sweat. He looks just the same as he always had as children, and just the same as all of his pictures online. He’s so close, and yet he feels farther away than distance had ever put between them. Farther than Australia, farther than when Rin had watched him race on tv so many times before.

Haru unzips his jacket and it falls effortlessly to the ground behind him. Everything about Haru is graceful, effortless. And beautiful too, like… _damn_. The way his lean muscles hug his body under smooth pale skin like marble, accentuating all the right places magnificently. He was a piece of art. Chiselled and carved in detail to every inch. Perfect and elegant like something to be studied and admired. His body was lean and sometimes soft, completely opposite of the bulging muscles and wide shoulders of the typical swimmer. 

And here Rin was. Gawking at his childhood friend. Completely consumed only with the thoughts of that he was in a class of his own altogether. Entranced by the curve of his back, his relaxed shoulders, the slow inhale and exhale of his breaths that Rin unintentionally found himself matching. It was with this that he realizes he was staring, that he was on camera, and that the race was starting.

‘ _Focus_ Rin! Focus!’

He rips his gaze away and back to his lane, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

‘ _Focus on the present’_ , He told himself, ‘ _Remember what you came here to do.’_

He reminds himself that Haru probably wouldn’t remember who he even is, or _care_ for that matter. Haru is the greatest swimmer in the world. But that still wouldn’t keep Rin from crushing him to a pulp in this race. 

The starter calls them up to their platforms, and Rin shags off his jacket and takes off his headphones quickly. He stands up straight with his eyes closed for a moment. Shaking his arms out one last time before pressing his goggles against his eyes and snapping the strap on the back of his head.

‘ _This is for you, dad.’_

He leans down, taking up his position on the platform.

As a final act of inspiration for the nearly 50 seconds of hell he was about to put himself through, he takes one last glance down the line of competitors. His eyes falling past the blur and focusing on one particular person situated right in the centre lanes. Straight into startled blue eyes that were locked on him.

Those _eyes_.

Those beautiful, wide, deep blue eyes that swam with all the emotion never shown on Haru’s stoic face. As unpredictable and wild as the ocean itself.

Haru’s beautiful eyes that were trained right on Rin with such shocked familiarity that it catches Rin off guard.

The race starts, and Rin feels frozen to the spot. Like those eyes have petrified him. Nailing his feet to the floor and tying their gaze infinitively together. He can’t look away, he can’t breathe, he can’t even _think_. The roar of the crowd drowns from his ears and the pool and the cameras and the urgency that he was missing something all seemed unimportant in comparison.

It’s a strangely peaceful moment. Like he were in the eye of a hurricane. 

Rin studies Haru’s face fervently, unbelieving that Haru, the _real_ Haru is actually right in front of him. Those same big eyes. The thin lips. The high cheekbones. The straight nose. Not some faded memory from their childhood, and not some filtered picture online.

Haru.

The way his midnight hair stuck out clumsily and rather unprofessionally from his swim cap and his mouth that fell slack into a little ‘o’ shape as his gaze remains unmoving from Rin’s own. The way his polished pale skin glows over sharp, pink cheekbones and the way his eyes flicker with every shade of blue in existence, like they could never quite decide which colour was best. Everything about him was exactly as Rin remembered.

He’s awoken from this hypnotizing trance by the intruding voice of an event official pulling him down, snapping him back to reality as quickly as whiplash.

‘ _What the fuck’_ , Rin thought to himself when Haru’s addicting gaze broke away from his, ‘ _What the fuck!’_

He… He just…

‘ _WHAT THE FUCK’_ , Rin screams at himself inside his head, his face glowing red with anger and his hands clenching into white-knuckled fists.

This race was _important_. He’d wanted this for his whole _fucking life_.

Is he fucking _stupid?_ This isn’t some sappy love novel, this is about _Rin_ and _his_ dream.

_‘I’m gonna fucking kill him.’_

Rin only saw red as Haru drew near, guided by event officials like a king with his royal guard. His body acted on its own, taking a dynamic lunge forward and pounding the side of Haru’s cheek with so much force it could’ve been a train. The confused roar of the crowd doesn’t make it passed his ears as Rin opens his mouth to yell, ‘ _Do you fucking see me now?’_

But he never gets the chance.

Officials and security sweep onto the scene, separating the two boys and guiding Rin under the stadium to a locked office space.

“Please wait here.” A big, burly man says from beside him. Rin steps heavily into the room to sit in a chair. Covering his face with his hands as he feels his rage quell. The severity of what he’d done shakes him as tears burn in his eyes.

Needless to say, he got in big trouble. The Olympics are a time to inspire people to change, to show them the extent of what the human body can do. It’s an empowering event where cooperation is valued and sportsmanship is encouraged on an international scale. It can also be extremely political, especially when it’s filled with hormone enraged teenagers who’re romantically confused and slightly pissed at themselves for it.  Because Rin was fucking confused as shit.

After rising to fame basically overnight as the guy who punched Haruka Nanase and stole his chance of gold, Rin felt himself break. It was hard enough that his own dream had been crushed, but now the entire world thought he had it out for Haru. Which, in the moment, he certainly had. 

They had been so close as children, but in the eight _years_ he spent in Australia, he never received one email, text, call or letter from Haru. And for some reason that only made him think about the quiet boy even more.  He _knew_ he had feelings for Haru that never left him. He fucking _knew_. And it made him mad that it took failing his father’s dream, being kicked off the Australian swim team, and becoming an internet sensation to comprehend it. It made him even more pissed when he (in the middle of one restless night) picked out the uncanny similarities between Haru and his boyfriend, Sosuke. From their dark hair to their blue eyes, hell, even their strong-silent type personalities. He felt like he was losing his mind when he realized he inadvertently chose a fucking _replacement Haru_ when he couldn’t have the real deal.

But mostly, he felt like such a piece of shit.

So after the Olympics were over, and the hype of his mistake trickled and died off, Rin returned to Australia in low spirits. He didn’t want to do this anymore. He’d never be able to race in another Olympics when he created such a bullshit image of himself. He didn’t want to deal with that, it was so taxing he thought he might be crushed under the weight.

And so, Rin quit.  That was until a university in Tokyo came forward with a scouting request. One he halfheartedly accepted, appreciating the full-ride scholarship far more than he did swimming for the team.  He didn’t think he’d ever be able to love racing again, and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to release the tightness in his chest whenever his mind drifted to blue, and the ocean, and to Haru.  But on the first day of practice, when Rin caught those incredible blue eyes that haunted him like a ghost on the pool deck, he found himself doubting his worries.

And that is where their story begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prologues finished! The rest of the chapters wont be in this format, POV will be switching but from now on there's new content every chapter, rather than a reiteration from the other's perspective.
> 
> For the sake of plot Rin's mother is from australia now... 
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (Slow burn and graphic violence)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Angst, angst, and angst)  
> 


	3. Confrontation and the Art of Flirting

It all happened so quickly.

Haru’s vision tunnelled onto maroon hair cascading through the air wildly, clumsily framing a striking face that had been burned into his memory like a cattle brand. He barely notices the lightweight feeling of flying through the air, only acknowledging the minuscule proximity between his body and the toned, hard flesh of Rin’s.

And then the harsh slap of flat water on his back as he’s grappled down into the cradling depths. The breath is knocked out of him, and Haru’s body responsively inhales a shit load of water, choking him as Rin’s heavier body pushes him down further and further.

And yet, he can’t move.  He wonders if he’s dead. Or maybe still asleep. That this was all some weird, crazy fantasy his unconscious mind had made up in his desperation to just _see_ Rin’s face one more time.  So he touches it, just to be sure.  Cupping a sharp cheekbone in his palm and trying to _feel_ the skin beneath his fingers. But he can’t feel it, and he doesn’t understand it. Maybe it is just a dream, or maybe its because his lungs are begging him to breathe, his stomach growing hollow and his eyelashes fluttering half lidded as he slowly realizes he’s actually just suffocating to death.  He supposes Rin seems to realize it too, because soon his limp body is being dragged from the pool and up onto the deck where he coughs up a puddle beside his head.

“Give him room! Everyone back to the change rooms!” Their coach yells loudly at his gawking teammates. One boy had been recording everything and his phone was promptly plucked from his fingers and launched into the pool by their coach (where the phone had even come from would forever be a mystery). Then he shooed them away with a violent wave of his arms, scaring the offended expression off the boy’s face. “Get!”

Haru leaned up on one elbow, coughing out dribbles of water that fell from his lips then rested his head back on the deck, heaving great breaths and lacing his fingers over his chest.

“Tch.” Sounds from above him.

His eyes shoot open as his body is effortlessly lifted from the floor, being pressed against a firm, wet chest and being gripped under his knees and shoulders like a child. He looked up just in time to see Rin’s face sneering down at him, before the ceiling is moving rapidly above and a large splash sounds as he’s thrown into the pool once again.

He recovers quicker this time, kicking himself to the surface to watch with bewilderment at Rin standing with crossed arms on the pool’s edge. Haru’s mouth is open wide and slack, like a fish, in his inability to comprehend what’s going on. Unbeknownst to him, their coach pauses mid-stride on his way over to the pool in utter shock, unsure how to handle this situation.

Rin opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again with his mouth twisted up into a scowl.

“Rin…” Haru feels a million thoughts come to mind, however, in his perpetually socially inept state, the words that immediately tumble from his mouth in a deadpan, bland sort of way are: “What are you doing here.”

Rin’s eye twitches.

“ _Fuck you_ , Haru!” The redhead bellowed and the sound echoes off the walls and water of the empty pool like a canyon. “Just— Just fuck you!”

Haru blinked.

“You didn’t really answer my question.”

“Maybe I don’t want to, huh? What are _you_ doing here, your _majesty_.” Rin spat angrily and bowed with his arms held mockingly out to the side. “I didn’t know I needed to dress for the occasion.” He gestures to his scantily tight jammers with two hands.

“Look… Rin—”

“No, no, no, you don’t get to _look Rin_ me. Eight years, Haru! Eight fucking years and you never once made any effort to contact me. For what it’s worth, it’s your fault with what happened at the Olympics. You ruined _everything_ for me, just because you’re _you_!” Rin’s voice rang around the pool again and Haru shifted his gaze to the side in his embarrassment to confront Rin head on.

It’s true. The media had automatically blamed Rin for Haru’s mistake at the Olympics, even going so far as to say Haru retired _because_ of it (which in a way is also true). It’s _because_ Haru was a well known swimmer that it caused so much trouble for Rin. And it hurt Haru to belatedly realize now that Rin must have been forced to retire because of it just as Haru had. And still, the thing that continued to blare in Haru’s head from Rin’s words weren’t the accusations or the receding guilt. Instead it was what Rin said about Haru never trying to contact Rin before. Was that something Rin expected of him? Did that mean he had still thought about Haru even years after he moved, just as Haru had?

“Well neither did you…” Haru mumbled, addressing the first comment.

“What?” Rin spat incredulously.

“You never tried to contact me either, you know. Swimming wasn’t just all I wanted from you, it was our friendship too.” He murmured. “It still is.”

Rin’s mouth unhinged, his eyes burning holes into the side of Haru’s face where Haru studied the water intently. The ripples his body created from the splash making endless waves that bounced back and forth across the walls of the pool, coming up and spraying his shoulders and face each time they hit him.

“People blame _me_ , for you not winning at the Olympics. It’s made me hate swimming, I dropped everything because of it. Do you know how fucked up that is?” Growled Rin. “It’s really fucked up, Haru.”

Haru very nearly said, ‘ _It’s not my fault’_ , when he realized that was pretty untrue. If he just hadn’t fallen in love, or if he just had kept his distance, none of this would have happened. _Of course_ he would have eventually raced Rin again, deep down he knew that. Because racing competitively for so long, pursuing _Rin’s_ dream of going to the Olympics made it almost guaranteed that they’d meet again. And for that teeny tiny ‘miscalculation’, Haru was actually really relieved.

He snuck a glance over at Rin. Where droplets of water fell enticingly down the crevices of his defined chest and abdomen. Where his long maroon hair had been pushed over his head and out of his eyes. And Rin’s perfectly chiselled face that eternally looked somewhere between pissed and teasing unmoving from the water. Except for right now, where harsh lines pressed between his knit eyebrows and his mouth sneered predatorily down at him. No teasing to be found there, the hate was completely genuine.

Haru looks away.

A heavy silence threatens to strangle them both when Rin huffs and rolls his eyes in evident exasperation. He pads back towards the change rooms and Haru’s blue gaze follows his wide back with curious interest.

“Just stay outta my way, Haru. If I’m gonna continue this shitty sport it’s only to crush you and your sorry ego, nothing else.”

And then Rin is gone, just as quickly as he came. Blipping out of Haru’s sight like a phantom, making him question if any of that had really happened, or if it was all in his head. His troubles were answered when his coach finally lets out a heavy breath and an exasperated, “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” then is heading back to the change rooms to call the cowering group of boys back onto the deck so they could finally begin practice.

Rin didn’t show up for another two weeks.

Two extremely anxious weeks for Haru. His mind and body _refused_ to think of anything but the redhead. He wasn’t safe anywhere. Not at the pool, where anything and everything guiltily reminded him of all the reasons he’d fallen in love with Rin. Not at home, where his skin grew hot and tireless at the thought of that tall, toned body wrapped around his. Not in class, where there was one guy who sat a little in front of him to the left who happened to have the same maroon colour hair. Except not quite the same, because Rin’s was fuller, and more embodied. It also made him so incredibly sexy (not the random guy, _Rin_ , you idiot), or so Haru thinks absentmindedly while he struggles on his homework. Which brings us back to that thinking about Rin was inexplicably unavoidable. 

One day after practice, he snuck into the coach’s office to check the attendance sheet just to confirm that, yes, Rin Matsuoka was actually part of the team, and, no, Haru wasn’t doubting his sanity at this point. As a final gamble, he even logged into his abandoned social media outlets. Well, not _abandoned_ exactly, he used to have people run the accounts before he retired. Just abandoned by Haru, because he honestly couldn’t care less what his public image was like.

But it had been a mistake.

As incredibly relieving as it was to see Rin’s face after going so long without, it was also devastating. Because the further he scrolled down, the more he saw of one particular man that comfortably accompanied Rin in every photo. Who was tall and handsome with dark hair and bright teal eyes.

So when Rin finally returned to practices (after being threatened by expulsion from the school) Haru couldn’t even bring himself to look him in the eye. Not because he doesn’t want to, just that what Rin said to him rang in his head profusely, making him question whether he was even _worthy_ of his crush after all he’s done to hurt him. Especially after the heartbreak of seeing Rin so happy in those pictures with the other man. 

On the first day Rin’s back at practice, Haru makes a promise to himself. That he’ll distance himself from Rin if it means he won’t be a burden to him anymore. Which turns out to be an extremely difficult task. Especially when Rin’s tight, hot body comes strolling angrily from the change rooms to join their teammates in the pool, like an Achilles’ heel immediately making Haru’s heart flutter and breath hitch with astonishment and relief. He doesn’t even notice the repeated worried glances shot back and forth between the two elite swimmers by their teammates and coach, wondering helplessly if there was going to be another fight. But one never came. Because Rin was ignoring Haru as much as Haru tried to ignore Rin.

Haru waited until Rin chose his lane before moving to the opposite end, in the case he becomes too distracted and forgets he’s supposed to be swimming. But he watches the redhead out of the corner of his eye as Rin dives fluidly, with perfect form and a strong kick, right into the water. And Haru barely registers the awkward sensation of open air under foot until _he’s fallen_ , face first, into the pool with a loud resounding _splash_.

“Aw, shit.” His coach said from behind him as he crests the surface with a surprised gasp for air.

“Geez, Nanase, forgot how to swim?” The guy in the lane beside Haru snickered in a deep, _loud_ , _oh so_ very loud voice.

Haru shook the water from his hair, staring blankly as a few other teammates stopped by the sidewall in interest. But when he saw a wet mop of maroon burst from the surface and red eyes that turned his direction for a breath, Haru looked away.

After practice is when things really got awkward, though. Like how every other person seemed like they had places to be immediately afterwards, showering and changing with speeds Haru hadn’t seen from a mass group of guys before, and he started to get a little worried. Because now there were only two left.

One was Haru.

And the other a gorgeous Australian with long maroon hair.

Haru, of course, turned a light shade of pink as he stripped from his jammers and wades into the communal showers, facing the wall in the corner with such intent focus he might be plotting murder instead of rinsing his body. But that’s exactly what he was doing, plotting murder. Well not murder, more like his own funeral, since he was surely dying of embarrassment the moment another shower spritzed on somewhere to his left and the scent of spicy soap floated under his nose.

He could hear the cascades as water fell in splashes to the floor while Rin washed out his chlorine-scented hair. And he most definitely _didn’t_ look over, knowing he’d only get sucked in by the unadulterated beauty of it all and never be able to look away.

“… Shit, Haru, lighten up. You look like you’re gonna strangle someone and I don’t wanna be it.”

Haru stiffens like a statue, unmoving as the shower waterfalls down his chest and shoulders. He doesn’t try to respond because he can feel a sticky lump grow in his throat when the realization hits that _Rin’s watching him._ And he’d rather not make a fool of himself, or whatever.

As the spray of water shuts off from beside him, and he can hear the slap of bare feet against wet floor echo behind, Haru takes a quick glance over his shoulder to see if Rin’s really gone.

And then, the unthinkable happens.

Red eyes stare back at him with such intensity Haru thinks he’s being burned alive. The eyes run unabashedly down his spine, following the valleys of muscle around his shoulders, down to the curve above his ass, and pause on the soft round cheeks with curious interest. Then they teasingly return to his own with a smirk pressed onto that dark and brooding face. Haru forces his mouth to stay closed even though his mind is screaming ‘ _holy shit holy shit holy shit_.’

When Rin walks out and back to the locker room to change, Haru’s knees nearly give out.

That was the first time Haru had even received an inkling of the idea that maybe Rin _didn’t_ actually hate his guts for ruining the Olympics for him, making him hate swimming, crushing his pride, hurting his feelings, _or_ ignoring him for eight years when he now knew Rin hadn’t forgot him all that time. That maybe he saw Haru the same way Haru saw Rin. Or maybe he was reading too much into it and Rin was only teasing him. Which in all honesty was the most likely scenario, seeing as Haru didn’t have much to offer in regards of physical attraction, at least not that he knew of.

Haru ran a hesitant hand down his ribs and back to the base of his spine, lightly caressing the skin for half a moment where Rin’s red gaze had been focused on before.

He suddenly felt extremely self-conscious.

Shutting off the water and wrapping a towel around his hips, he hurriedly makes his way back to the locker room to change into something less _revealing._ However, Haru very nearly trips on flat ground when Rin leans against his locker and pointedly watches Haru race in. A proud, teasing expression plastered on his face, one that makes Haru’s blood boil and eyes roll.

“You shy?” Rin’s voice chuckles from behind him and Haru averts his gaze to his clothes piling out of his own locker.

“Only when you’re being obvious.” Haru murmurs.

“C’mon, Haru, don’t be such a weirdo.”

Haru’s inability to reboot his brain after this train wreck of a conversation makes words tumble from his mouth like vomit, words that betrayed his thoughts but came out on impulse. “I think it’s weird when you watch me like that.”

Rin puffs air from his nose amusedly, before shrugging and picking his bag off the floor when Haru pulls his pants around his waist and looks back at the redhead over his shoulder.

“You’re so lame. It’s only a joke.” Rin grumbles and stalks out of the room.

The door swings shut behind him, and Haru is thankful for the emptiness of the change room, because his face is about as red as a firetruck.

The second time this happened was about a week later.

Ever since the first incident, the only thing on Haru’s mind day in and day out was Rin. Rin’s voice. Rin’s smirk. Rin’s _body._ The intensity of that _look_ Rin gave him while he eyed him up in the showers. Haru had to remind himself on a daily basis that _Rin was only teasing_. That’s all it was. They’d only talked a few times, and briefly at that, since the redhead’s come back into his life. But still, Rin isn’t the one with feelings for the other, _Haru_ is. And, god, has Haru fallen hard.

Practices are increasingly getting more difficult, not in terms of training, but because he’s more distracted than usual. In fact, if he thought the couple weeks when Rin went M.I.A. were stressful, now things were on a whole different level. After one practice halfway through the week, Haru had to excuse himself partway through a drill because as he swam, looking down on the tiled flooring of the pool and letting his mind wander, he got _fucking_ aroused. Blame it on his romantically inclined feelings for the water playing with his emotions, but all he could think about was Rin’s hard body naked in the showers, a phantasmal image burned into his eyelids that he couldn’t shake loose no matter what. Another time, they were paired together for a relay-type drill, and for _whatever reason_ seeing Rin’s body diving overhead was enough to make him swallow a hefty mouthful of water in his gaping mouth. He almost suffocated. Again. 

But Haru’s confirmation that Rin was just fucking with him for the fun of it happens in the change rooms after practice once again. It was different this time than the first. Mostly because, one, they weren’t alone (for most of it, anyways), and two, Rin didn’t rake his body to the bone with those piercing eyes (at least not that Haru notices, of course). But Rin didn’t need to. Not when he slid up beside Haru in the showers, taking the one directly beside him and facing his larger body towards the smaller boy. Haru tried desperately to ignore him, he really did, but the scent of spicy lathered soap floating over Rin’s wet skin _did_ things to him. Things that included fighting a boner with every ounce of will he held inside.

“Can you not.” He ends up muttering when he knew, _he knew_ Rin was teasing him for sure.

“I’m not doing anything, _Ha-ru_.” Rin smirked and ran a bubbly hand down his shoulder and arm slowly, sensually. Haru could feel red eyes burning into the sides of his own blue ones, egging him on, riling him up for an outburst or a reaction that he’d never give the satisfaction of making. “Or is there something that’s bothering you.”

With an audible sigh over the sound of water slapping wet tiles from the showers, Haru turns his back on Rin and runs lathered hands up through his dark hair, decidedly ignoring him. Something Rin, apparently, doesn’t find very amusing.

“It’s a joke, I’m joking, Haru. Sheesh, why d’you get so fucking offended all the time.”

“Because your jokes aren’t funny.” Haru deadpans to the wall. He can _feel_ Rin’s anger boiling behind him. He can _sense_ Rin’s tensed shoulders and clenched fists. It’s kinda like a sixth sense; knowing exactly when the hot-head gets worked up. The other boys in the showers can sense it too, because they’re all scurrying away once they catch a glimpse of Rin’s rapidly growing frustration.

“You’re such a pain in the ass.” Rin finally spits out and turns back to the wall as he rinses off his body.

“If I’m bothering you then why won’t you leave me alone.” Haru mumbles. “I’m only here for the pool.”

“Right because watching me like some lovesick girl isn’t creepy at all, Haru. I’ve seen you, y’know. Leave _you_ alone? Shit, leave _me_ alone. I already told you I’m only swimming to crush your perfect ass, that’s all.”

His… perfect…

He didn’t know if Rin meant that as a figure of speech or quite literally, but Haru couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious about his body after that comment. Regardless, heat rose to his cheeks and he watched the floor incessantly.

Was his ass actually—? Did Rin—? Was that what he was looking at in the showers before?

But his thoughts were cut short when the water shut off beside him and Rin waltzed into the change rooms with a towel hanging low on cut hips, instantly joining in on whatever rowdy discussion was happening in there. His teasing could be heard from where Haru still stood alone in the showers.

The other boys on the team had taken quite a liking to Rin, despite his over-competitiveness and mild anger management issues. Oh, and his superiority complex. Rin truly was a part of the team now.

While Haru, on the other hand, had barely held any meaningful conversations with any of his teammates. Probably mostly due to the fact that Haru was an antisocial bean and didn’t _actually_ know what normal people talked about. The only thing he knew how to do was talk during interviews and to fans. Which actually came in handy when a few guys on his team privately asked him for autographs after practice one day. But it just wasn’t the _same_.

As Haru left the showers to go change as well, he reminds himself of his promise to distance himself from Rin. The echoing laughter of his teammates bouncing off the walls muffled as they retreated out the closed door and Haru decides to make his move on his locker. He’s never been particularly concerned about what others thought of his body, but that comment Rin made sent a shiver up his spine. He wants to distance himself, not encourage the redhead even _more_.

And so it was a major shock to his system when he felt a hard, toned chest, still dripping wet and warm from the shower press up flush against his back before gripping his hips and twisting his body around rapidly. Haru’s groin, covered only by the thin fabric of his towel, pressed firmly against the bunched material of Rin’s shorts.

“What are you…”

His voice was cut off by violent lips that clashed onto his with enough force to bruise, shutting him up and pushing his trapped body against the lockers behind him. One of Rin’s hands cupped the back of his neck, and the other rested heavily next to his head as his lips kiss him feverishly and about as delicately as a punch to the teeth. Haru couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t _think_. He was suffocating on the intoxicating scent of Rin’s spicy cologne. The unexplainable _warmth_ of Rin’s skin. The firmness that pressed his skull like dough against the metal lockers.

And it was wonderful.

Rin was rough, like the force of his frustration and hatred for Haru pushed through with one single blow. A blow that Haru would have normally thought would be from a fist, not a kiss.

But, _fuck_ , Rin was so _hot_ against him. His lips were so warm and full and perfect that Haru felt like he would be happy to just suffocate and die in his arms right now. He didn’t want to dissect what this means, he just wanted to _feel_ Rin’s lips against his. Because this was finally fucking _happening_.

Rin kisses him hard, and Haru didn’t know what to do. So he stood there, completely still like a statue, staring with eyes as wide and wild as the ocean at Rin’s closed lids, still utterly in denial. Rin’s lips move against his mouth and Haru was still too much in shock to even _twitch._

Then Rin slowed down, his kiss lighter, more endearing, and Haru felt betrayed by his body when his arms push Rin’s chest away when his mind was finally given a moment to think, and Rin moved away surprisingly easily. He pushed him partially for air because his lungs were screaming at him to _breathe god damn it_ , and partially because he was just too overwhelmed.

This was all too much.

If Rin thought this was _fucking funny—_ If this was some kind of _joke—_

“What the hell are you doing?” Haru’s mouth moved on its own, the hurt in his chest growing when he realizes Rin was just fucking with him again. Only this time he took things too far.

Rin’s brows knit tightly together when he notices the tears forming in Haru’s eyes, and a pissed off, confused-looking scowl curls his mouth.

Haru looks confused, hurt, fragile, he knows he did, because it shows in Rin’s red orbs like daylight. Shining through with such clarity Haru thought he was looking in a mirror.

And then Rin was brushing past him. Behind him to the door where it opens quickly and closes softly. And Haru was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru doesnt understand things  
> Rin doesnt know how to flirt without it looking creepy
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (Also has kakairu)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Best friends with benefits)  
> 


	4. Apologies Are Nice Too

He couldn’t help himself. 

Haru's body was just so damn perfect Rin thought he could look all day. And it _felt_ even nicer too, pressing his partially clothed body against the firmness of those muscles, feeling them stiffen under the heat of his skin when he wrapped his fingers tenaciously around a thin waist. But all thoughts of Haru’s perfect body were ripped from his mind when that smooth, calming voice broke his nearly-audible ragged breathing and his gaze plummets into the depths of Haru’s beautiful eyes.

“What are you…” Pink lips wrap around the words like a fucking _dream_ , and carnal need broke Rin’s pride when he dove in for a taste.

He kisses him hot and needy, with every minute of desire that had built in his body from their eight years apart. Every ounce of emotion Rin had inside him forces itself into that kiss, hoping that Haru could _feel_ that Rin was this desperate, and that this kind of ferocity was only reserved for _him_.

He didn’t know how long they had been there, it could have been mere seconds, minutes, hours, _days_. And Rin felt like he’d finally become whole because he’d actually gotten the balls to do what he’d always wanted to do.

Lacing his fingers gently around the back of Haru’s smooth, elegantly curved neck, he tries to deepen the kiss to show Haru the intensity of his feelings for him. Every touch of his skin on Haru’s burns like liquid fire. He’s unable to get enough of it. It’s addicting and perfect and, _god,_ Rin wants to run his hands all _over_ him. When he was met with no response, he tries a softer approach, kissing Haru’s lips with acute passion that he hopes he conveys well enough for the raven to understand, even _if_ Haru is kinda dense with social cues like that. He shifts his head to the side, pressing his nose into Haru’s soft cheek and taking a step forward to close the distance between them even more.

But instead of a kiss back, he got a nudge to his chest as Haru’s hands push him away. The raven’s eyes were as wide and frightened as a cornered animal. His soft mouth hung open and his shallow breath rapidly rising and falling his chest.

The tears in Haru’s eyes broke Rin’s heart like shattered glass.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Rin’s brow furrows.

What the hell _was_ he doing? Did he seriously think Haru would be _into_ that. A million things pop into Rin’s head. Should he blow it off; pretend it was a joke like he usually did or would that be too unbelievable with how passionate he’d just gotten. Maybe he should comfort Haru, but some reasonable part of Rin told him that’s the _last_ thing Haru needs from him right now.

He honestly wants to punch himself across the face for being such a fucking _idiot_.

So instead, with a heavy heart and a lump in his throat, Rin shuffles to the change room door and out into the hallway of the university’s athletic facility. He only had shorts pulled on and his chest was bare, earning him a few looks as he lumbered back to his apartment in student residence. He didn’t care about his swim bag left in the locker room, it could go missing for all he cares at the moment. His keys were in his short’s pocket, that was all he really needed. Yet, as upset about his own mistakes as he was, the thought of Haru alone and confused in that locker room took priority to the burn behind his eyes and the deep ache in his chest.

He was such a dick.

Why had he thought that was okay? Haru had shown him, time and time again that he wasn’t remotely interested. Not with how he ignores him or glances at him with a blank, unreadable expression. Or even when he’d straight up told him 'not to look at him’ or that ‘he was only there for the water’.

Hell, Haru was probably not even into guys for all he knew. Much less into _Rin_ , who insults him and teases him to the ends of the earth just to get under his skin. Just so Haru would _notice_ him, because fuck, it’s _really fucking hard_ to stay optimistic when the person you have feelings for just ignores you all the time.

And Rin didn’t have much patience to begin with. But it’s no point in whining when he knows he’ll never have these feelings for another person. Even if it _is_ Haru.

Stupid, awkward, water-loving Haru.

Rin just wants to curl up and die when the embarrassment finally washes over him that he’d have to explain himself at some point. Even now, he didn’t know if he should just lie or not about what that kiss was all about. He doubts he could salvage any form of friendship after the stunt he just pulled, not that they were all that close to being friends right now to begin with. Haru at least made _that_ very clear.

Like, who did he think he was? Acting all high and mighty just because he was the best swimmer in the world for a little while there. They were both just teenagers, just guys. Besides, it’s not like Rin couldn’t have made it there eventually, although technically it didn’t matter now. 

Even so, Haru’s untouchability, as frustrating as it was, was also so incredibly sexy to Rin. It made him want to break him, to force him into submission and just feel like he had some _ounce_ of control over that godly man. Haru had always been better at swimming, he had all the girls fawn over him at school, and despite his distant, cool personality, he was still so likeable it was annoying. I guess you could argue that Rin was better academically, but he knew Haru never put much effort into his grades anyways, and it pissed Rin off that Haru still managed to pass his classes even with that nonchalant attitude.

Hidden deep down, Rin desired to be really, truly better than Haru for _just once_ in his life.

He contemplated this while punching the elevator button in his residence building. Actually, he had classes he was missing, but none of that seemed to matter right now. Instead, Rin hid in his room while the sun arched to its highpoint and dropped behind the horizon, and until the creeping colours of sunset flood through the window beside his bed in the tiny dorm room. His roommate would be returning from classes soon, and Rin _really fucking_ didn’t want to deal with that bubbly little puppy dog any more than he wanted to regurgitate his whole stomach.

He was _just_ starting to find some peace and quiet, laying on his bed with his arms locked behind his head, and he was _just_ starting to convince himself kissing Haru seriously wasn’t the biggest mistake of his life. But it all still seems like lies, because as much as Rin wanted Haru, it didn’t matter for shit if Haru wasn’t into guys to begin with. And looking at _Haru_ , who (from what Rin’s online stalking had shown him at least) had never had _any_ relationships in the past confirms Rin’s secret belief that Haru only had romantic feelings for the water. Which in reality is pretty fucked up.

Taking a deep breath into his lungs, and letting it out with a grumbled hum, Rin absentmindedly realizes that the only thing he’d worried about for the whole day was what Haru thought of him, which is kind of concerning in itself.

He was just about to go on another Haru revolving argument with himself when the door of his room opens quietly and an awkward, small boy with silver hair and a really dorky haircut gingerly walks into the room, hoping desperately that he wasn’t waking the hot head laying motionlessly on his bed.

And so you can imagine his surprise when devilish blood-red eyes snap open at his entry, pinning the small boy down with a fiery gaze that always looks angry no matter how much he tells himself it’s just Rin’s appearance.

“H-Hey Rin!” The boy stutters with a gentle smile and closes the door behind him. He shrugs the bag off his shoulder neatly beside his own bed and sat down tentatively like he was being interrogated in front of a court.

Rin sighs and looks to the ceiling. Of all the roommates he could’ve gotten, he _had_ to get _him_. The kid was such a klutz and he was so fucking _nervous_ around Rin it only made him want to strangle him more. I mean, the kid was nice enough, and loyal like he’d never seen (hence the nickname puppy dog), but honestly though, he still a pain in the ass.

“Shut up, Nitori.”

“Right! S-S-Sorry Rin…”

He rolls his eyes and let out a huge exaggerated breath that had the trembling boy look like a kicked puppy as he took off his shoes and pulled his schoolwork from his bag to his little worn desk. Rin didn’t even have to look at him to know Nitori was terrified of him. And it pissed him off that this kid was such a weakling. Which is why he was so surprised with himself when his words tumble from his lips effortlessly and without hesitation.

“Do you think Haru’s into guys?” He asks at random. Not quite sure if he’s asking Nitori or himself at this point. From beside him, Nitori’s face went a violent shade of red and a bead of sweat starts forming on his brow from the sheer amount of stress he was putting himself under. A little strangled squeak erupts from his unhinged mouth.

“W-What?”

Rin puffs air from his nostrils and rolls over to face the wall.

“Where did th-this come from?” Nitori asks shakily.

“Never mind.”

“You m-mean Haruka Nanase? Like the swimmer? Hey, that’s the guy from that incident at the Olympics—”

Glaring red eyes that pierce right into his soul choke the words from his throat and Nitori looks away quickly and guiltily. Rin would admit it, that was still a bit of a sensitive subject to him.

“Yeah of fucking course I mean Haruka Nanase _the swimmer_. D’you know any other fucking Haruka Nanase’s, shit-stick?”

“Oh s-sorry, Rin.”

“And stop fucking apologizing.”

“I’m sorry.” Nitori’s face goes red and he places a tiny hand over his mouth. He reminds Rin of a chihuahua trembling in the jaws of a shark. “A-And by ‘into guys’ you mean… l-like…”

“Like d’you think Haru wants to fuck guys.”

A small strangled sound gurgles from Nitori’s throat and he turns his blushing face away from Rin.

“A-Are you like i-into him, or s-s-something?” Nitori stutters quietly.

A tinge of pink floods Rin’s cheeks and he was silently thankful Nitori wasn’t looking because otherwise he’d have to beat the memory out of him.

“Uh, _no_.” He lies. “Not my type.” More lies.

“Oh…” Nitori breathes out a sigh. “Then why do you want to know?” He asks bravely.

Rin scowls and faces the wall again.

“Look, just forget I even asked you.”

A knock reverberates from the wooden door and both boys looked up at it in question. Finally, after a second more hesitant knock, Nitori shakily got to his feet and scurried over, opening it up and stubbing his toe in the process.

“Oh, _ow_! Ouch, oh no.” Nitori clutches his toes over his bent knee and hopped on one foot until a silky smooth voice drifts in from the hallway, one that Rin knew _very well_.

“Is this Rin Matsuoka’s room?”

Then Nitori looks up, and his eyes go wide.

“Uh-huh.” He answers dumbly.

“Um… Is he here?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Can I come in?”

“Nitori, leave.” Rin scrambles up from his stretched out position on his bed and downright _ran_ to the door in his desperation to see the face attached to that voice. He opens the door wider, pushing the silver-haired boy out into the hallway in the process, and his eyes caught the wild blue orbs of Haru staring back at him.

Nitori looks back and forth between the two taller boys hesitantly, then heads down the hallway and out of sight.

“Hey…” Rin sighs with uncontrollable relief, and immediately thought that was pretty lame, so he covers it unconvincingly with a smirk.

“Hi.” Haru answers and turns his head to the side.

Rin uses this to his advantage. He moves his eyes up and down the expanse of Haru’s lean body, noting tiny features like how his collarbone stuck out from his loose blue shirt that might’ve been a size too big. Or how his black jeans were slightly crumpled like they had just been put on. Or how his hair had the unruly flick of a cowlick that had gone unnoticed upon the top of his head. He had a little crumb of food hanging playfully at the corner of his mouth and Rin resisted the temptation to reach out and wipe it off. But one thought stood above all else: Haru was absolutely stunning.

“What’s up.”

“I brought your swim bag.” Haru mumbles and holds a backpack out with one hand towards Rin like it offends him.

Rin takes it. “Thanks, I guess.”

They stand there awkwardly for a few tense seconds, until Haru glances back at Rin for half a moment before returning his gaze to the floor beside him. He feels his heart pound.

Shit, Rin’s so into him.

“How’d you find my room?”

“Asked student services.”

“Ah…” Rin leaned against the doorframe and Haru shifted from foot to foot anxiously. “You, uh… wanna come in?”

_Then_ Haru looks at him. Quizzically and skeptically. Like he isn’t sure if there’s an ulterior motive or if Rin’s just genuinely being hospitable. Rin’s fists clench when he sees that expression. The one where Haru could’ve been looking at a wall instead of the man who deeply wants him. And Rin was not a wall, not even fucking close, Haru.

“Sure.”

Rin’s heart skips a beat. Did he just say _sure?_

He turns around quickly to hide the heat in his face and jumps back onto his bed with a bounce, returning to his previous position comfortably. Haru follows him in, closing the door behind and sitting at the foot of the bed in his desk chair. Rin watches as Haru takes in his cluttered desk and pokes at a smear of pencil lead on the surface. 

God, he’s so into him it’s not even funny.

“Hey, Haru.”

Haru looks up. Slowly connecting their gaze like fire and ice, a heated clash that sends a shiver up both their spines. Just _looking_ at him is such a fucking turn on, and Rin shifts uncomfortably under his suddenly boiling clothes.

“What.”

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier. It wasn’t cool of me.” Rin said quickly and averted his gaze from those bright blue irises like they could strip him of his lies. He was sorry for hurting Haru, that much he felt. He was sorry for kissing him without asking. But the kiss itself? Rin wouldn’t have an experience like that for the rest of his life, he was okay with lying about being sorry about that.

“It’s fine.”

“No, like, it’s not though. And I’m sorry I did it.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” Haru mumbled and his finger squeaked along the top of the desk like it was more interesting than the conversation.

“Good, yeah.” Rin let out a breath of relief and sank into the mattress. “And— I’m sorry about when I punched you.” Haru gave him a confused look. “At the Olympics, I mean. I don’t think I’ve said that to you yet, but I feel really shitty about it.” He clarified.

“Whatever.”

Rin gulped. “So, you uh… you like the team this year?” He pressed. Not his best conversation starter, he’ll be the first to admit. However he was desperate, he needed to hear his voice, and he didn’t want Haru to leave just yet.

“I’m only here for the pool.”

“Of course you are.” Rin scoffed.

“… But it’s not bad.” Haru said quietly after a second. “The people aren’t bad.”

His heart thumped wildly in his ears and his throat started to feel dry and scratchy, and Rin slowly realized he was drooling when he finally tore his gaze away from Haru’s thin, pink, delectable lips.

He cleared his throat. “I think I missed Japan.” He says. “Nothing wants to kill you here. Unless you count angry profs and jealous girls.” Rin chuckled to himself and arched his neck back against his arms. “It’s kinda nice to be back.”

“You don’t miss anything about Australia?” Haru murmured. His blue eyes connected slowly with Rin’s again, but flicked away when Rin started speaking.

“Well… some things…” He said contemplatively and Haru was silent for a long time. “But nothing beats paid tuition, right.”

“I guess.”

“Just kinda sucks I still have to swim for the school, though. I wanna fucking move on, you know.”

“But you’re an amazing swimmer.”

Rin looked up to see Haru facing the other way, his expression hidden.

“Yeah, well I bet I could still fucking beat your sorry ass in a race if I really tried. Too bad it couldn’t happen in the Olympics though.”

“Let’s do it.”

“Huh?”

Haru’s ocean blue eyes turned to him once again, sparkling with the ferocity of white capped waves. Taking Rin’s breath away at the speed of light.

“Let’s race.”

“… Now?”

“Yes.”

Rin jumped from his bed, muscles suddenly taut and springy. His heart hammered in his chest and a grin stretched his cheeks from ear to ear.

“You’re fucking on.”

The pair sped from the room. Rin only just remembering to grab his swim bag before following Haru out the door and to the elevator, where their excitement dulled slightly from having to wait excruciatingly long for the doors to finally ding open.

They raced across campus to the athletic facility, where the inside windows shone out onto dark grass as the staff closed up for the night. When they walked inside suddenly, the girl at the front desk told them the pool was closed.

“Yeah, we just forgot something in the lockers, we’ll be right out don’t worry.” Rin winked and the girl blushed.

“O-Okay.” She said shyly.

“Thanks, babe. I owe ‘ya one.” He smiled cockily and raced towards the change rooms with Haru in tow. She blushed harder.

“Do you know her?” Haru asked once they were in the privacy of the lockers with the door shut behind them. He pulled his pants and shirt off with his jammers (unsurprisingly) already on underneath and his goggles being grabbed from a stray pocket.

“Nah.” Rin said and stripped himself of his shirt in one fluid movement, then took his pants off and replaced them with his own jammers. He threw his bag haphazardly on the floor, not caring to put it in his locker since they’d be the only ones in there. Then he was grabbing his goggles and leading the charge out onto the dark pool deck.

Moonlight filtered in through the skylights above and flickered off the smooth water like a mirror. The low sound of filters and the occasional slap of water against the pool’s edge were the only things to break the silence. In all honesty, it was pretty magical.

Rin hooked his goggles over his head and looked back at where Haru stood a few feet behind him with a wide grin that quickly softened in awe at the _fucking god_ that engulfed his vision.

Fate was cruel, you know, and Rin was cursing himself when his mouth hung open _like an idiot_ as he took in the pale, glowing skin that contrasted heavily with Haru’s dark hair. But his eyes, _his eyes_ , holy fuck, were reflecting the bright moonlight like it were bouncing off endless ocean waves. Flickering with beauty and emotion that Rin had never seen before on Haru.

He was a fucking angel. A motherfucking angel. And Rin thought he would be blown away by the slightest breeze and was eternally thankful that this was an indoor pool because _fuck_.

“Rin?”

“… H-Huh?”

“Let’s race.”

“Oh, uh, right. Yeah.” He blinked his eyes a few times and turned back to the water. Haru joined him on the edge and stepped up atop the starting platform, towering above him before he took the one beside.

Rin pressed his goggles onto his eyes and snapped the strap across the back of his head.

“Okay, we’ll go when red hits sixty.” Rin said, watching the poolside clock where coloured hands circled around.

“Sure.”

It seemed to take longer than ever, those twenty seconds of waiting, and Rin was almost relieved when he leaned down and took up his starting position. He tensed his muscles and clenched his fingertips over the edge of the platform, watching unblinkingly as the red hand of the clock moved ever closer.

Three.

Two.

One.

Both boys sprang into the air, drawing their arms tight against their ears and breaking the flat surface of the pool with splashes that flew into each other’s lanes. They were evenly matched at first, Haru’s kick was about as strong as Rin’s and they drove through the water like a blade through butter. Sharp and precise and clean.

Rin’s lungs began to ache and during one breath he glanced beside him to see Haru about a foot in front before they both turned underwater at the opposite side and kicked back up to the surface. It was nearing the end, and both could sense it. Rin’s kick had brought him inches closer to Haru but not close enough to be matching with him.

‘ _Fuck this_.’

Rin closed his eyes, ignoring the pain and heaviness of his arms as he pushed himself even faster, ripping through the water like a torpedo and driving himself farther with every stroke.

‘ _Fuck this fuck this fuck this.’_

He chanted to himself, his brain completely turned off so nonsense wouldn’t distract him into reminding himself of his body’s pain. His lungs burned and his legs tensed, and he still pushed himself faster. Faster and faster until the last metre was there and he spread his fingers as far as they could reach, looking at the lane beside him the moment his hand felt the pressure of the wall.

Haru looked back at him, a mirror image as blue eyes tracked his immediately. Obviously they couldn’t tell for sure, but it seemed like a tie.

Rin laughed to himself and removed his goggles from his head. He leaned back and let his hair flow gently in the water behind him, only now his mind catching up with his body and telling him repeatedly how tired and in pain he really was.

He looked up to see Haru holding the edge of the pool and staring unblinkingly at the tiled wall while he caught his breath and his pulse beat harshly against his neck.

“That was… fun.” Haru heaved out and turned to look at Rin with a tiny whisper of a smile on his lips. His voice was filled with relief, like those words meant more than just sound to fill the gasping silence between them.

“Yeah it was.” Rin said and cleared his dry throat as he pushed out into the water on his back, floating and looking up at the moonlit sky above. He heard the trickle of water as Haru joined him. Drenched in white moonlight and floating in the lane beside. “It was fun.” Rin repeated, mulling the words over in his brain, tasting them on his tongue.

Rin closed his eyes, a permanent smile pressed into the curves of his face and he let his weight be cradled by the feathery depths of the water.

“Rin?”

“Hm.” He answered.

“I want— I don’t know— I’m _sorry_.”

His red eyes shot open and he tilted his head to look at Haru directly. Like a dam threatening to blow, tears welled up in the raven’s waterline and Rin panicked slightly as he tried to think of what he did wrong. What the fuck why was Haru crying.

“What?” He asked, still a little confused himself. But the apology was nice, as short and sweet as it was, even if Rin had never truly needed it to forgive him for what he assumed was for the past eight years. He didn’t need to. Not when his feelings for Haru made him forget about the pain as easily as it brought it on. It was all part of the package deal Rin signed up for after all.

“ _I’m sorry_.” Haru repeated and a trickle of glittering tears ran over the bridge of his nose and into the pool like liquid moonlight. “For everything.”

And then it hit him. This was the first time, ever, that Haru had apologized to him for anything. He knew Haru well enough that most of the time he just couldn’t voice it even if he felt it, but Rin knew deep down that this really _meant_ something special.

“Haru…” Rin stroked one arm through the water, closing the distance between them and lifting the lane rope over his head to join Haru in his lane. “You don’t need to apologize for anything, you idiot.”

Haru ran the wet back of his hand over his cheeks, adding more water and unsuccessfully stopping his tears.

Then the impossible happened.

Haru laughed.

Well, not _laughed,_ more of just a halfhearted chuckle. But it was enough to make Rin freeze in place, only a foot away from wrapping his arms around the shoulders of his friend. He’d only ever heard Haru laugh once before, when they were children. It was a rare sound, and he made sure to catch it fully. He was shocked, yet a blooming heat tickled his chest like fireworks, mesmerized by the low rumble and relishing in its brief life like a chinook breeze.

“I have to say it, at least once. Just so you know, okay?” Haru murmurs and turns his blue eyes back up to the ceiling, drenching those glassy orbs with moonlight once again. His words broke Rin from his astonishment, and he too floated out on his back with his brows scrunched together.

“Can we do this again.” Haru asked the sky and Rin turned to watch the side of his face warmly.

“‘Course.” He replied softly, then cleared his throat. “Just let me know when you want your ass kicked again, alright?” He teased.

Haru flicked water at him, spraying his smirking face and let out a sigh.

And Rin risked it. In the serenity of it all, bathing in moonlight, watching the side of Haru’s peaceful face as their bodies were cradled beside each other in the lightness of the pool. Rin risked it.

He reached out his fucking hand, and linked his fingers with Haru’s. 

Haru.

Who shockingly didn’t pull away, or squirm under his touch. 

In fact, he did the complete opposite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (guys i think rin might like haru...)
> 
> Early merry christmas to those who celebrate it!
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (Plot twist: they're gay)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Everyone makes bad decisions)  
> 


	5. Coffee Is A Good Excuse, Right?

“Great practice, boys. I’ll see you all bright and early tomorrow morning. Hey! Mikoshiba! Get your fucking hands out of his pants— Yes, _you!_ ”

Their coach’s booming voice echoed off the walls as the team made their way like fish out of water from the pool to the change rooms, eager to shower and eat after a particularly hard practice.

“Nanase, _out!_ The girl’s are scheduled in next, unless you plan on joining them, kid.”

Haru watches his coach blankly before turning and stroking back into the water again, promptly drowning out his following colourful language and instead focusing on just _swimming_.

It was weird; he was enjoying it. And not just the feel of the water brushing past his cheeks and shoulder blades. No, he was relishing in the tiredness after a hard practice. The ache in his limbs and the heaviness of his body when his muscles refused to function as they properly should. It was amazing, and something Haru had nearly forgotten that he actually _liked_ about the sport. It wasn’t just about the water, it was about improving yourself. And for some reason, Haru felt more motivated now than he had in the past three years of racing professionally.

It was exhilarating.

But this feeling was rudely cut short by strong arms wrapping themselves about his waist and torso, freezing his body mid-stroke when he returned to the starting blocks. He was plucked from the water like a fish from the ocean, limply hanging from the hands of their team captain, who placed his rag doll body on the pool deck and continued on his way to join the rowdy group of boys watching with unbridled amusement.

Rin was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes, only to fall silent after their captain smacked the back of his head with his palm and a dull thump.

“ _Ow_ , hey!”

Haru got up from the floor, still dripping wet from the pool and shook the water from dark hair.

They were on good terms, Rin and Haru. It was so utterly relieving, too. They still didn’t talk much, but at least they weren’t ignoring each other anymore. They had something special together, ever since that one night a few days before, when they finally raced again.

Haru felt heat rise to his cheeks at the memory of the two of them holding hands in the pool afterwards. He didn’t know why he didn’t pull away, I mean, when it comes down to it, all that happens is Haru’s heart breaks a little bit more when he _knows_ he can’t have what he wants with Rin. For more reasons than just Rin being an absolute tease. And yet he can’t help himself at all.

Its been bothering him ever since that night. Something about the pictures he finds himself staring at online, the ones with Rin and his handsome companion. Every time he thinks of Rin — what he wishes he could have with him, what he wishes he could do with him, or even just to _tell_ him his real feelings — he’s always stopped by the guilt of those menacing teal eyes from the pictures piercing his own. At the end of the day he always reminds himself that things have changed from how they used to be. They weren’t kids anymore, they’d both grown up in different ways, and of course someone like Rin would find someone else to be happy with, or whatever. It’s not like anything could ever happen between Haru and Rin anyways, right?

In some regard, things hadn’t changed at all, however. Haru would catch Rin, time and time again, shamelessly eyeing him up in the change rooms when no one was looking. It was frustrating (if not mildly creepy) to say the least; having your crush pretend to be interested. Haru would get his hopes up only for them to be absolutely demolished when Rin would turn a blind eye every other moment of the day. He didn’t really talk to Rin that much (not that Haru was all that talkative to begin with), he didn’t even know what he was majoring in or _why_ he was even in _Tokyo_ of all places to go to school. The only time he saw him was at swim practice, and that just wasn’t nearly enough. 

Haru towelled his hair dry and packed his swim bag before heading out the change room doors into the spacious lobby of the athletic facility.

“Oh, hey! Haru! There you are.” A familiar gentle voice sounded from down the hall and Haru looked to see light brown hair and bright emerald eyes upon a wide muscular body stride towards him. “I thought I’d find you here.”

“Hi, Makoto.”

Makoto was wearing a green tank that showed off his defined arms and shoulder muscles and had a gym bag slung over one shoulder. He’d obviously just come from the gym and a healthy sheen of sweat coated his trembling post-workout body.

“When’s your first class.” Makoto asked as he pulled on a hoodie over his shirt and Haru blinked his eyes away, realizing he’d been looking for way too long at his biceps.

“At ten.” He murmured. 

“Wanna go get food somewhere before then?”

Haru checked the lobby clock since he always left his phone at home anyways. It was nine.

“Sure.”

He tried to focus on the gentle smile on his friend’s face and the excited words when Makoto explained this little artisan bakery down the street he wanted to go to, however his eyes stuck like glue to the maroon hair of Rin laughing loudly with a teammate as he pushed his way out from the lockers to their left.

“Is that…” Makoto’s gaze turned in his direction as well and a conflicted look passed over his eyes for the briefest of moments. “What’s he doing here?”

“No idea, to tell you the truth.”

“Wait is he on the swim team, Haru?”

“That’s pretty obvious isn’t it.” Haru answered dryly.

“He’s not like— You didn’t tell me— Is everything okay, with you two, I mean…”

“It was weird at first but we’re used to it.”

“Oh… good. That’s good.” Makoto sighed and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. “So he’s finally back from Australia, wow! I thought I’d never see him again.”

Haru studied Rin silently. The redhead was dressed all in black; a loose black tee that showed _just_ enough skin around his neck, ripped (more like shredded) black jeans that had holes in his knees and a little one on his thigh, and a pair of rugged combat boots who’s laces flew in every direction with each step. He was dark and sinful and powerful and _hot_ , holy shit. Like the embodiment of the devil. An incredibly sexy devil. One Haru would be okay with staring at for the next who knows how long until he’s awoken by a pressure tugging him forward as Makoto grabbed Haru’s hand and dragged him in Rin’s direction.

“Come on, I want to say hi!” He grinned back at Haru warmly and Haru felt himself blush. No, thank you, he was perfectly fine with watching from a distance. But now as they come closer and closer, Haru’s having even more trouble keeping his eyes off Rin and is it just him or is it suddenly _very_ hot in here.

Only when they were a few metres away did Rin look up from his conversation.

“Rin! Hey it’s me, Makoto! Long time no see, bud.” Makoto said gently. He was a lot taller than Rin, and his shoulders were broader too. He held himself with a strong air of confidence he normally didn’t show, and Haru couldn’t help but wonder if he was intentionally _trying_ to make himself seem bigger than the hot headed Australian. But then again Makoto was just generally bigger than anyone else, like a gentle giant, or a big soft teddy bear.

Rin’s eyes fell immediately to where Makoto’s hand still held Haru’s smaller one, and a scowl curled his lips. Haru avoided his questioning glare.

“Hey.” Rin said coolly, like he couldn’t really care less if Makoto was a childhood friend or a cashier at the grocery store.

“I’ll uh— See you later, Rin.”

Rin grunted in response as their teammate scuttled away from the encounter quickly, leaving the three boys alone to rejoice. In silence. Because none of them were talking. The tension hung in the air so thick you could cut it with a knife, and Haru was considering just dragging Makoto out of Rin’s death glare because his stomach was starting to growl. And right now, food seemed like a higher priority than whatever hormone-induced dominance battle royale was quietly going down right in front of him.

“Makoto, I’m hungry.” Haru pulled his hand from his friend’s fingers and looked down to the tiled floor. He hadn’t had time for breakfast before practice and his body was completely spent, not to mention his patience. “C’mon let’s go, I have class in a bit.”

Makoto ignored him. “So when’d you get back?” He asked Rin.

“The end of the summer.” Rin all but spat. Haru looked nervously between the two of them, only just fully noticing the aggressiveness between the two taller boys. “‘You follow Haru to this school?”

“Just a coincidence.” Makoto smiled widely, but all warmth had vanished ominously. Haru decided he didn’t like that expression on him, it didn’t suit him at all. In fact he looked rather intimidating. “We’re living together. You?”

“Just a coincidence.”

“I bet you like swimming with him again—”

“Okay, I’m leaving.” The raven stated flatly when he realized neither boy would listen to him. Which meant the momentary shock was real when both suddenly turned their full attention to him, forgetting whatever they’d just been talking about.

“Where to?” Rin shoved his hands in his pant pockets, shoulders hunched, defensive. His mouth quirked into his usual smirk, but if Haru were to look closely he would’ve seen the sadness hidden there as well.

As if on cue, Haru’s stomach growled audibly and he turned a light shade of pink.

“Food.”

“Let’s go, Haru. I got class soon too, anyways.” Makoto took hold of Haru’s hand again and gently pulled him towards the exit, effectively stopping Haru from asking Rin to come too, whether that was intentional or not. “See you around, Rin.”

He tugged his hand loose again. “Stop doing that.” And Makoto smiled sheepishly down at him. With a final glance over his shoulder, catching red eyes glaring at the retreating pair with malice, and maybe a little of something else entirely, Haru and Makoto moved out of sight.

Haru didn’t know what it meant, but after that day those red eyes trailed him like a hunter. Before practice, during practice, after practice, it didn’t matter. There was always a gleam of red in his peripheral no matter where he looked. He didn’t know if that was a good thing, but he didn’t particularly hate it either. But one thing was for certain. Rin was watching him. The reason? Haru had no clue. Something had clicked in Rin after meeting with Makoto again for the first time in years a few days before, something brought up from their past that Haru didn’t have the care to involve himself with. But whatever it was had Rin noticing him, and that was enough for now.

It was _more_ than enough, even better than he’d ever expected, really, when Rin approached him after practice. They were getting out of the pool, Rin in the lane beside Haru. And when Haru looked back behind him he saw Rin’s eyes watching like always.

“You wanna hang out later.” Was the question.

Haru’s heart fluttered in his throat and his gut twisted up into knots and he was mildly tempted to just turn and _run_ because he could feel his face heating up at all the possibilities of what this could potentially entail. But instead, as usual, his bored tone was in dire contrast to the true chaotic mess of feelings coursing through his blood like wildfire.

“When.” He asked.

Rin contemplated this, his eyes staring off into space beside Haru’s shoulder, then he too was pulling himself from the pool. Strong arms tensed with effort and streams of water glittered in waves off his chest and washboard abs. Haru decided licking his own lips was a better idea than licking those droplets off Rin’s skin, even though every nerve in his body was screaming at him to.

“You got class now?”

“No, just later this afternoon.”

“Then how about now.”

Haru stuttered and he cursed himself. “N-Now?”

“Well, yeah.” Rin smirked. “What d’you wanna do?”

Okay, now he was definitely teasing, and Haru was prepared to just leave that unanswered because a million things came to mind and none of them was necessarily appropriate when he knew Rin would never be his. Because Rin was reaching out to him now, as a friend, and Haru sure as hell wasn’t going to give up an opportunity like this, even if he was brimming with giddiness like a schoolboy. For now, though, he opted for an unreadable expression.

“I don’t care.”

Rin’s smirk softened slightly and he brushed passed Haru towards the change room. The momentary contact of their skin _burned_ and _itched_ and Haru unconsciously reached to touch his own shoulder with light fingertips.

“‘Kay.” Was all Rin called over his shoulder and Haru pouted a little.

After showering and changing in silence (other than the unruly rowdiness of their teammates bouncing off the walls like children, like seriously, did they ever chill) the pair made their way out the front doors of the athletic facility.

“So… coffee?” Rin finally broke the silence once they made it outside. Their damp hair ruffled in the breeze and Haru combed a hand through his dark locks absentmindedly.

“I didn’t bring my wallet.”

“I’ll pay.”

Haru gave him a quizzical look.

“What? It’s my treat, next time it’s yours, though, got it.” Rin turned his head so his expression was out of view, but Haru knew. He could still see a light dusting of pink on those sharp cheekbones, no matter how much Rin didn’t want him to notice. And that in itself made him smile a little.

_Next time._ That was all he heard.

“Fine.”

The pair found a cozy little shop on the edge of campus, it was quiet for midmorning, but they ordered their drinks and sat in a little booth by the window in the corner. There were only a couple other people in the cafe, obviously students cramming or typing frantically on their laptops in preparation for whatever hell they were going to receive from their profs later that day. But everything seemed to tunnel when Haru moved his eyes from the shop to the red ones staring unabashedly into his own face.

“What’re you doing.” He asked, not because he really wanted an answer, but because this seemed like the proper moment to lean over the table and kiss Rin’s lips silly, just like his mind was telling him. Instead he trapped his hands under his thighs and firmly kept his butt in his seat as he’d learned from experience not to trust his instincts (or his mouth) in situations like this.

“Looking.”

“Why.”

Rin smirked, the curves of his lips coming all the way up to his eyes where they glittered with demonic delight.

“You shy?”

Haru rolled his eyes, but no real annoyance was put behind it. Those same words he used triggering memories of Rin raking his body like a fork from behind in the showers, and suddenly Haru felt really, extremely, uncomfortably hot under his hoodie. He tried to hide his flushed face by turning it away but he knew it couldn’t have done much, especially when Rin chuckled across the table and rested his head against the window behind.

They sat like that for a little while, and Rin smiled a bit when Haru absolutely _refused_ to turn his head back in his direction. But eventually he did, and when he did, Haru spoke.

“So, why’d you come back?” Haru asked when his curiosity finally got the better of him.

“Like— From Australia?”

“Yeah.”

Rin scoffed and ran a hand through his hair, a motion Haru’s eyes devoured because holy _shit_ was that hot.

“For you, of course.”

Haru’s face went bright red. So red, in fact, it probably wasn’t healthy. His skin was super-heated, he felt water instinctually pool in his eyes, and his lips quivered when he tried to speak in his embarrassment.

“W-What?” He sputtered.

Rin laughed. “Nah, it’s for a scholarship with the swim team. I didn’t really have much choice after I was basically told to retire after the Olympics.”

The raven’s blush lessened, and he sniffed quietly. Rin was _just teasing_. That’s all it ever was. And yet, even his jokes are enough, untrue as they are, to make Haru’s heart beat tenfold.

“Sorry.” He mumbled.

“It’s not your fault, those dickwads forced me. Besides it’s not like I could help myself anyways, during that race. You’re just too damned cute.” Rin joked, but his chuckles trickled off when he saw Haru’s solemn expression. At this point, Haru just wanted him to stop teasing him, it was tortuous, and every comment sent a spike straight through his chest. “It’s kinda nice to be back though. Australia was fun, but it never felt like home, you know?”

“Then why’d you stay for so long.”

“Huh?”

“If you didn’t like it then why didn’t you come back until now.” Haru bit out.

“Oh, I did like it though. I liked it a lot, really. But it was always just… _missing_ something, you know?”

“Don’t know why, it seemed like you were pretty happy from online.” Haru quipped. Then his eyes widened and his face reddened again, like he hadn’t meant to say that but it just kinda came out. _Because_ he hadn’t meant to say that. At all. And yet, there it was.

“Ohhh, so you’ve been stalking me, have you. Wow, Haru, I didn’t know you felt that way.” Rin teased but once again his smirk was lessened by Haru’s seriousness. 

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Haru murmured.

Rin smirked. “And what about you?”

Haru quirked an eyebrow.

“Why’d you come to Tokyo— Shit, don’t tell me you came just cause Makoto’s here.”

The raven’s eyes narrowed. “I’m on a scholarship, same as you.”

“Oh… _Oh_. Shit— Fuck. So you mean— You and Makoto aren’t—”

“ _No_.” 

His throat felt sticky. His hands felt sweaty. And his face was dusted with the lightest of blushes. Holy shit, Rin thought he and Makoto were like, _together,_ or something. 

“Good.”

The words tumbled out of the redhead’s mouth in a rush of breath, and now it was Rin’s turn to become flustered as all fuck. His eyes widened, his mouth fell open, and it was like looking in a mirror when Rin’s red face matched his own.

“W-What I mean is— Fuck, I just meant-”

“It’s okay, Rin.” Haru mumbled and averted his eyes to the side.

“Sorry— I didn’t like, mean to offend you or anything—I just thought you were into dudes, or whatever, so…”

“Oh, um.” Haru was at a loss. Rin thought he was upset because he thought Haru liked guys, or _assumed_ he liked guys. Which is stupid, because _fucking yes_ he likes guys. Particularly guys with long maroon hair or the uncanny ability to tease the living daylights out of you, apparently.

Rin pressed a hand to his brow in his peripheral, a type of stressed out, anxious expression Haru had always seen him have whenever they wrote tests in school. If it was stressing Rin out this much, then he’d just come clean, and that’s that. He knew Rin wouldn’t make fun of him for it, seeing as Rin’s had _something_ with another guy at least once before anyways.

“I like guys.” Haru said bluntly. On the inside he was screaming at himself.

“ _Shit_.” Said Rin, his face went red and Haru briefly wondered if he’d got it wrong and fucked up somehow. “Sorry, uh—” A smile crawled its way onto Rin’s face, and his eyes darted around nervously. Haru wanted to smile, he really did, because Rin was just so cute when he got flustered. It was so different from his usual exuberance that it was really adorable, to know Rin had a hard time talking about personal stuff so openly.

They didn’t talk about that stuff again for the rest of their time. It was comfortable, relaxing even, talking with Rin about everything and nothing all at once. He’d learned Rin stayed at a boarding school while he was in Australia, and it was just him that moved not his whole family, who were still in Japan. He loved the food, hated the weather, and made some good friends as he grew up. He’d changed his favourite swimming discipline from fly to free, surprisingly. He’d had races where he came dead last and others where he won the national championships, and for some reason that seemed fitting for someone like Rin, who never truly gave up on the things he cared about. Rin loved the ocean in Australia, where he’d spent almost everyday at the beach and in the water, saying it reminded him of home. He learned to surf and actually really loved it. And apparently he even got a tattoo, but he wouldn’t tell Haru where, saying he’d have to find out for himself someday, which made Haru blush. And something he’d surely keep in mind.

But one thing kept coming back all throughout their conversation, and it was starting to gnaw on the back of Haru’s brain like a bug. Rin had always thought of Japan as where home was.

When their drinks were long gone and the time was getting decisively closer to Haru’s next class, they decided to call it a day. Haru felt a little guilty, because well, Haru hadn’t really told Rin about his life (as monotonous and boring as it was) because Rin’s life was so… _so_. And Haru’s was so _not_. He doubted someone like Rin, who’d lived adventurously and wild in another _country_ for crying out loud would be interested in Haru’s life. Honestly, he didn’t care to share it if Rin didn’t want to know anyways, because listening to Rin’s rugged, sweet voice was enough for him.

Next time. Haru was looking forward to that. Especially when Rin reminded him as they parted ways with a sly wink. Because, _yes._

It wasn’t even surprising, in fact it was kind of expected, when the next morning at practice, Rin (for the first time since school started) greeted Haru. It was another wink, thrown at him carelessly as he strolled in through the change room doors, and Haru felt his heart throb in borderline agonizing thumps against his chest. It felt so _right_ for them to be close like this again, and it was increasingly becoming harder for Haru to know that this was as close as it could get between them. So much for his plan a few weeks ago to distance himself, because now that he was hooked, like fuck he was being thrown back to sea.

It _hurt_. It hurt to want to wake up beside Rin, to make breakfast with him and grumble when the light was too bright. He wanted to lay on the couch together watching sappy romances and stuffing their faces with popcorn, drooling on each other as they fell asleep at night. He _wanted_ the mundane, little things with Rin that he didn’t think was very romantic but for some reason just _was_.

And it was all the things he knew he could never have.

So while Rin’s wink in the change rooms _did things_ to him that he knew no one else ever could, it also hurt him. Rin’s teasing continued as well, all throughout practice, where he insisted on being in the same lane as Haru or how he watched him shower and change after practice, because _yes_ , Haru was glancing over at him too, _alright._ How could you not when his muscular back and toned chest were on display like that?

And after a week, once their next coffee session happened (Haru refused to call it a coffee date even though that’s what Rin insists it is) it felt like the endless void of Haru’s feelings for the redhead was ever so slightly sated when Rin reached out and intwined their fingers together. And Haru didn’t dare pull away, not now, not when Rin was letting something like this happen. Because Haru was in love with him, and things like _this_ were what Haru had always dreamt of.

It didn’t even occur to him that maybe Rin _wasn’t_ teasing, that maybe Rin wanted this as much as Haru did. But Haru had always been bad with people things anyways, and besides, who’s he to complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an addiction to fluff  
> Also Rin vs Makoto gives me joy  
> Honestly I'm more of a MakoHaru shipper than a RinHaru shipper, but I just really like Rin as a character so... here we are
> 
> See yalls next year!
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (also KakaIru)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Kuroo wears crocs)  
> 


	6. Approaching Perfection

Rin was as giddy as a child on Christmas.

Except not a child, because Rin had big balls. Huge balls. He was a _fucking man_. And look at him now, mom, he’d finally gotten the courage to hang out with Haru outside of the pool, which he, for one, was extremely proud of.

And, god, did it feel good. To just _talk_ with Haru. To just _be_ with him while they drank their coffee at that little cafe on campus. To watch Haru’s face light up at his stories and to try to make that tiny, adorable, rare smile curl his stoic face _just_ right. To hold his hand afterwards as they walked to class, ignoring the odd looks from people as they passed by because _fuck that_. Haru’s hand was cool and delicate and fit perfectly in his own, sitting snugly between his fingers like it was fucking _made_ to be there. He hoped Haru got the gist of his feelings whenever they talked, but at the same time, Haru wasn’t the type of guy to get the gist of _anything_. He knew he’d have to be more blunt, to fight fire with fire, and yet he was scared that if he actually just let it all out there, just told Haru his feelings and let him unscramble them, that Haru wouldn’t want to do this anymore. Haru told him he was into guys. Which was like a blessing from the gods above; all of his prayers answered in one, halfhearted, drawled out statement. It was even better to learn he was single. But none of that mattered if Haru still wasn’t interested in going further than just a friendship _with Rin._ Something that he was going to work his ass off to make happen more persistently.

Time flied when he was with Haru, and they’d always have to end their coffee dates because of classes, or something else coming up (even _if_ they’d already been talking for hours before that). So Rin convinced himself that the only way for them not to be interrupted by something, was to uphold his promise he made that one night a couple weeks ago in the pool.

He’d ask Haru for another race.

It was foolproof, perfect, he was internally patting himself on the back for thinking that one up, and then after practice the following morning, he asked.

“Haru.” He said when they were getting out of the pool, pulling himself to the deck to stand evenly beside the raven, who was watching him with curious interest. “You wanna race?”

Haru blinked at him, then turned to jump back into the water and Rin caught his arm. Haru’s skin was so smooth, completely shaved (since swimmers did that sort of thing for less drag in the water) and it was hard and sculpted like marble under his unworthy fingertips.

“Not now, you idiot.” Rin smirked and let go of Haru’s arm when the flesh _burned_ under his grip. “Tonight. Just like last time. Meet me outside at ten?”

Haru’s blue eyes swam with the flickering of thought, every emotion being jumbled together until Rin gave up entirely on figuring out what it meant.

“Sure.” He mumbled and was heading back to the change rooms to shower.

Rin’s heart leapt in his throat, his shoulders felt like the weight of the world had be lifted, and he couldn’t help the wide smile that effortlessly claimed his own lips.

Classes took _forever,_ and when he finally got back to his room, Nitori was sitting at his desk with his headphones on doing homework. He closed the door and fell on his bed in a pile, watching as his roommate jumped out of his skin at the realization that he wasn’t alone anymore.

“H-Hey, Rin.” He chirped merrily and pulled his headphones around his neck with shaky fingers. “You’re back late.”

Rin grunted in response and shut his eyes.

“Hey, Nitori— So, like— I’m bringing someone home tonight so could you go stay at Momo’s.” Rin smiled evilly into his bedsheets as Nitori turned a brilliant red. “Unless you wanna watch, of course.”

If it was even possible, the silver-haired boy’s eyes widened even further, and the blush on his face poured all the way down his neck and disappeared into his shirt.

“Y-y-yeah, I’ll leave, n-no problem.” He quivered.

“Thanks.”

Now, Rin didn’t _actually_ think he’d be bringing Haru home tonight, or at least sleeping with him for that matter. It just didn’t seem like a Haru thing to do. But what if they wanted to stay up late talking, or spoon as they fell asleep. Or _maybe_ they’d even kiss a little bit (but that was kinda pushing it). Any of these things would make Rin the happiest guy in the world and each and every thought sent butterflies to his gut and a smile to his lips.

Yeah. He trusted his foresight in asking Nitori to leave, because whether he planned it out or not shit was gonna go down. No cock-blocks tonight, thank you very much.

So when the time finally came to meet up with Haru, and Nitori had grabbed his keys and headed out to his ‘friend’s’ house, Rin was suddenly so nervous he was thankful for the darkness of the night because he was positively _shaking_ with anticipation.

He had his swim bag swung over his shoulder, sweats and a black tee hanging comfortably over his body, and he had to tell himself to just _smile_ when he saw Haru so he wouldn’t look constipated like he knew he did. But he didn’t need to force it after all. Not when Haru’s lithe body was leaning against the outside wall of athletic facility, his blue eyes clouded by dark hair that fell over his downturned face. He was so… graceful, elegant, _perfect_. Which isn’t something most people would immediately think when they saw a dude just chilling outside a building in the darkness of the night. Hell, call Rin a romantic, but everything about Haru made him drawn to him, like being in Haru’s perfect little bubble would somehow sate the carnal need ripping his chest. And when Haru looked up as Rin approached from the shadows, yup, his thoughts were only confirmed. Haru was a fucking angel.

They walked inside, telling the same girl at the front desk they had to grab some forms from their coach’s office, a blatant lie she obediently accepted when Rin winked at her as they passed by. They were quiet in the locker room, but it wasn’t awkward. Even _if_ they were stripping down into nothing but their birthday suits as they changed. But it was fine, everything was fine, and that caught Rin a little by surprise.

When they got out onto the pool deck, all thoughts of racing had left Rin’s mind completely. Because _wow_. Just like the time before, moonlight trickled from the heavens and glowed radiantly off Haru’s pale skin, basking him with light that was only ever meant to be shone on his body. His eyes were shifting with the many colours of the ocean. Wild tides and rapids that swirled with never-ending movement and glittered with the white light shining from the ceiling. Haru was watching him. A tiny smile quirked onto his face and curious eyes expectantly waiting. For something. For _anything._

And so Rin walked right over to him, closing the distance between their bodies until nothing remained. He wrapped his arms about Haru’s tapered waist and leaned in slowly, with every ounce of hesitance and doubt that he shouldn’t be doing this whispering in the little room between them. It was an incredible feeling, one that warmed his heart and took him by surprise, when Haru tilted up into him, closing the last remaining centimetres between their faces and catching his lips. 

Holy _shit_ , Haru was kissing him. It took him a moment to grasp the situation. Feeling the thin lips of his friend move against his mouth, the way Haru’s arms wrapped around his neck, or the way his lithe body leaned snugly up against his own. Their toned bodies fit perfectly against each other, the valleys and curves of their muscles indenting in all the right places, form fitting and just right when Haru arched his chest into Rin’s. He ran a hand down the raven’s spine, feeling the shiver that followed in its wake through the trembling of Haru’s lips, then he’s resting his hand upon the curve of his back, pulling him with such intensity into his own heat it’s surprising they didn’t blob together into one person.

Haru’s _whimpering_ like a puppy into Rin’s mouth when he draws his bottom lip in between his teeth. Suckling and nibbling until Haru’s resolve breaks and is as soft as putty in Rin’s fingers. 

They never make it to the water, they never get around to swimming, because all either boy can think about is one another and the heat exchanged between their bodies as bestial and unforgiving as a raging volcano. It becomes even more heated as well, when Rin’s pushing them back until Haru’s shoulders bump into a wall and Rin’s lifting the raven up so his legs wrap around his waist. He’s grinding them together, their lips never once leaving each other even when undeniable heat pools in Rin’s stomach and his heart thumps in his chest like a caged animal.

He can _feel_ Haru’s arousal through his jammers, pulsing against his navel, demanding attention. And he feels the same things because he’s so fucking _hard._ His length aching with every drag of body against body as he presses Haru up against the wall. The soft moans and grunts bounce off the water of the empty pool, filling the silence and making both boys pant passionately into one another’s mouths.

“Let’s go to my place.” Rin offers when he takes a moment to just breathe, and Haru nods enthusiastically in response.

It takes them an excruciatingly long time to get there; pushing each other up against lockers and walls, groping and feeling with greedy hands and with such eagerness that it had Rin’s heart leaping out of his body and running for the hills. But eventually they make it. The elevator of his residence building dinging as the doors open and they’re tumbling out, mouths locked and limbs flying. They bump into the wrong door. Then Rin’s fumbling for the keys lost in his swim bag. They make it in, and with a kick at the door behind him Rin’s laying Haru’s body out on the bed. He has a shirt carelessly thrown on over his jammers in their hastiness to leave the change rooms (Rin opted for nothing, since he couldn’t care less anyways). Haru was panting like a cat in heat, one hand gripping the bedsheets and the other reaching up as Rin lowered himself on top to kiss him again. 

It was beautiful, perfect, soft and sweet, filled with warmth and desire that seared against his lips. It was different from their kisses before, now they both realized they could take this slow, to thoroughly _enjoy_ it rather than clashing themselves together like they couldn’t _breathe_ without the other. Which Rin had conflicted feelings about, because looking down at Haru, his shirt bunched up over his nipples, his covered legs opened wide and inviting, and his face flushed pink with kindling revelation, it was just all _too much_.

So he showed him. By stepping off the bed slowly, looping a thumb under the waistband of his own jammers and teasingly, tauntingly, pulling them down to his ankles. His heavy erection bobbed free, coming up to curve at his hip, and Haru shamelessly scoured him with those wide, piercing blue eyes. Then Haru was sitting up on the edge of the bed, his fingers trembling and his expression wary as he reached out a tentative hand towards Rin.

But instead of cool fingers wrapping around his dick, like he expected, Haru was caressing a mark on his hipbone, the black tribal ink of an intricate dolphin wrapping around his skin. It’s about the size of a hand and low enough on his hips that it’s usually hidden underneath his jammers when he swims. He got it done on a whim a couple years ago, it wasn’t much, but it was something Rin had always wanted and he liked it anyways.

Wonder. That’s what was in Haru’s eyes as he studied it with fascination. The ticklish tips of his fingers tracing the thick black lines. He leans forward, and Rin gulps as his pink mouth presses a soft kiss right on his tattoo, in the sensitive junction between his hipbone and groin, and then he turns those bright blue eyes right up at Rin.

“It’s beautiful.” Haru whispers and leans forward to press another kiss to the dolphin’s head.

And Rin can’t contain himself anymore, he leans down and captures Haru’s mouth once again, claiming him with every ounce of worth. He helps Haru pull his shirt over his head, reconnecting their lips immediately afterwards.

Slow and sensual. Those would be the two words to describe how Haru was as a lover. It was wonderful, the way his mouth was graceful and precise against his own, just like every other thing about Haru. He was so fucking _hot_ and _erotic_ that Rin could _feel_ the exact moment his control snapped. He needed to do something, _touch_ something, and quickly too, because the heat radiating off of his body was enough to steam the entire room.

“Haru, do you— Can I uh—”

He didn’t know where he was going with that. Can I _what?_ Can I fuck you into oblivion? Can I touch you, taste you? He felt like he needed permission before he did anything, because Haru was just so perfect that Rin didn’t want to ruin him. For some reason he wasn’t convinced Haru was the type of person who liked dirty talk in bed, as clean, and white, and unblemished his soul was. It was like speaking to an angel, and Rin found his tongue twisting in his mouth, willing himself just to goddamn _choke_ on it when Haru shyly adverted his eyes to the side and his cheeks filled with pink blush.

“Rin… I’ve um…” He murmured and Rin was hanging onto every word because _holy fucking shit_ did he think he knew where this was going. “I’ve never done this before.”

Death.

That’s what Rin felt happen to his heart when Haru told him. Not a bad death, oh no, quite on the contrary. He’d transcended to a better life, raised up from the ashes of the impure asshole he was to be greeted at the gates of heaven by a raven haired boy with the ocean in his eyes. Spit lodged itself in his throat, and he coughed and sputtered with wide terrified eyes as Haru bit his lip and looked down at the bedsheets anxiously.

“You— What?” He said disbelievingly, because holy shit Haru was a virgin and he wanted _Rin_ to be his first. This was a dream come true, literally everything Rin had ever wanted out of life and he was sure he could drop dead and die happy now because everything was good and right in the world. And yet, he just needed to hear it again, just in case his mind was playing tricks on him.

“I’ve never— I haven’t, like, _done_ stuff with anyone before. It never felt right.” Haru said shyly, and suddenly the realization came to the forefront of Rin’s mind that maybe Haru was _embarrassed_ about being a virgin, which he absolutely shouldn’t be because Rin’s fucking on top of the world right now. So he kissed him, hot and wet and needy, gripping his shoulder in one hand and Haru’s lax palm in the other, pouring his heart, body and soul into the boy before him. He leaned back, pecking a chaste kiss on the tip of Haru’s elegant nose, and looking him dead in the eye as he spoke.

“Does it feel right, now— With me?” He asked genuinely and he could see the relief that flooded over Haru’s face with those words.

“It’s because it always had to be you.” 

Haru’s voice was clear, meaningful, and Rin was starting to doubt every moment of hesitance he’d had since school began in believing Haru didn’t feel anything for him at all. Because there it all was, out in the open, and Rin couldn’t stop the smile and tiny gasping laugh that settled on his lips when the realization hit him like a freight train. 

“Holy _fuck_.” He groaned against swollen, pink, trembling lips. “I wanna see you, can I…?”

Haru’s raven hair bobbed, and Rin wasted no time wrapping his fingers over the hem of Haru’s jammers, and peeling them off. Now, Rin had (you know, on the odd occasion) seen Haru’s junk while he was showering or changing at practices, but his mouth fucking _watered_ when he took in the elegance of it all. Can leaking erections be elegant, you may ask? Well, Rin surely thought so as he pulled the jammers from Haru’s lithe legs like they offended him, sitting back on his heels and just engorging himself on the view. 

Because it was goddamn beautiful.

His body moved on its own as he crawled over Haru’s soft, hairless legs and torso, pinning him to the mattress and settling his weight on top. He could _feel_ Haru’s heart pulse through his chest like a drum, loud and so hard it felt like every rapid thump was jarring the poor boy’s body. Or he was just trembling, and so Rin wrapped his fingers under his neck, and connected their mouths for the hundredth time that night, something he knew in the darkest, blackest pits of his heart that he’d never get tired of.

Haru’s hands and lips were unpracticed but they did everything with such delicacy Rin was actually _surprised_ that this was Haru’s first time. Because damn, he was actually pretty good. Leave it to a natural like Haru who was just generally good at everything he did to have something like that up his sleeve. Rin didn’t even feel his own erection pulsing with want as he kissed Haru softly, because the kiss was so mind-consuming he’d nearly forgotten. No, the only thing that really brought those feelings to focus was when Haru lifted his hips to start grinding against Rin’s navel. The hot, stickiness that his length left in trails over Rin’s abdomen made him want to fuck Haru’s lights out, but the way his gentle lips caressed his own with such perfection made him want to take this slowly.

“Rin— Rin _touch me_.” Haru breathed, cupping the back of Rin’s neck with one hand and guiding the other down his whole body and holy _shit_ if that wasn’t erotic Rin would go jump right off a bridge.

And Rin obliged, because who was he to deny Haru of these touches when he desperately wanted to do it too. He knew Haru didn’t have experience touching other men’s bodies, so he took it upon himself to make Haru think of nothing but _him._ When his fingers connected with Haru’s weeping member, so hot and heavy in the palm of his hand, the raven _shivered_ so hard it vibrated his entire body. Rin couldn’t look away. Not when those hooded, wild, stormy blue eyes studied his face like a lifeline. And not when Haru was moaning so wantonly that it caught the breath in his throat and sent heat pooling to his groin.

“Have you done _this_ before, Haru— Have you touched yourself.” Rin breathed as he pumped Haru’s length slowly and gently with his twitching fingers. He forced his voice to come out steady, because if his shaking body was telling himself anything it’s that he wouldn’t have control much longer. Haru’s cock jumped in his grip, a dribble of precum spilling from the tip down onto his navel in sticky strings as Rin gave special attention to the head.

“ _Nngh.”_

Rin leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on a flushed cheek. “Did you think about me when you did it.” He whispered darkly, his eyes glinting dangerously.

“Wh-What?” Haru moaned.

“I thought about you.” Rin kissed him again. “I thought about you for eight years, Haru.”

Haru’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open as his breathing came out in sharp gasps.

“Rin— Rin you gotta stop— I’m gonna— Not yet—” He panted out and Rin’s hand slowed around his length, running the pad of his thumb against a tender vein and coming up to wipe at the slit. Then he kissed him, slow and heavy, pushing his tongue against Haru’s in a dance and pulling the raven’s arching body against his own slick chest. Then he moved down, pressing wet lips down his jawline and the tendons of his long neck. A kiss on his collarbone and latching onto a pert nipple like a babe. He had Haru moaning and clawing into Rin’s long hair like an animal, hissing and scratching when his pleasure was too blinding to understand what he was doing. And Rin was moving lower and lower, pressing kisses to his navel, his hipbones, then trailed down the inside of one thigh, lifting it into the crook of his elbow as he sat up on his haunches to take in the sight below him. And what a fucking sight to behold. Rin could barely contain himself, and he felt like an idiot as he sat there gawking at the boy underneath him. So breathless and soft and hard and _hot_ it made a shiver rack up Rin’s spine and he’d honestly be perfectly content with just sitting there and _watching_ for the remainder of his life.

But he needed to do _something_ , because he was unravelling _way_ too fast, faster than he ever had in his life because what the fuck _Haru_ was as naked as a baby and flushed like a schoolgirl, his cock hard and red, curving up and beading with precum at the tip. That was enough spank bank material to live off of for the rest of his life. Haru’s knees moved ever closer together and his face turned over to the side.

“Stop staring at me, it weirds me out.” He mumbled against the mattress and Rin let out a huge sigh. Not because he was exasperated by Haru’s meager attempt to hide himself, more like he was still a little in shock that _this was all fucking happening_.

So it came as no surprise when Rin’s dick twitched at the sight, he was so hard it _hurt_ and he didn’t think he’d be able to last as long as he wanted this first time. Instead he looped his arms about Haru’s back, pulling him off the bed and onto his own lap. His cock was held taut against his hipbone by Haru’s thigh, and Haru’s stood prettily against his own navel like it was just waiting to be sucked and fucking worshipped. But that would have to wait for some other time, because Rin was pretty sure he was about to come right then and there when his gaze travelled up the expanse of Haru’s chest only to settle on dark blue eyes watching him with every ounce of intensity held in that smaller body of his.

“So do you— A-Are you—” Rin’s face matched Haru’s vibrant red when Haru spoke. At first he had no clue what he was talking about, until Haru, _virgin fucking Haru_ , reached behind himself and started fumbling around somewhere lower.

Oh.

_Oh._

Rin cut him off by kissing him, because as much as he’d like to actually be in Haru when he came, he had a fucking time limit and it was drawing closer and closer with every green action the raven made.

“I’m not gonna last, baby.” He breathed into his mouth. He shifted them around, Haru’s thighs straddling Rin's, pulling them closer until their cocks touched and their breath hitched. Their kiss was hot and needy, but smooth and passionate, drawing themselves together and pouring into one another like their lives depended on it. And it might fucking have when Rin wrapped his hand around both their leaking cocks, pressing heated skin against heated skin into pleasure that was just too delicious _not to_ greedily grind further into the touch.

Haru _moaned. “Rin!”_ He said against wet lips and cupped a hand on the back of his neck for support. His body was twitching and his hips pushed up into Rin’s unmoving grasp, and Rin was way too entranced to do anything. The way Haru called his name… he wanted him to do it over and over again, as many times as he could until Haru’s voice couldn’t talk anymore. He wanted Haru’s first time to be the fucking best experience he could make, but for now they’d have to settle for this because Rin was reaching his threshold.

“God, you’re so fucking hot.” He said as he moved his hand over the both of them. Haru shivered when Rin smooths his other palm up the length of his thigh, his thumb rubbing frantic circles on the smooth skin. He needed to distract himself, because the feeling of his dick being squeezed against Haru’s, the tug of his hand and Haru’s lips on his own, it was all just so _overwhelming_ he could die. So he paused for the briefest of moments, to reach behind him and pull a bottle of lube from his bedside drawer. He cracked it open with his teeth and awkwardly, overzealously, squeezed out far too much onto the same hand.

“Fuck.”

“R-Rin— What are you—”

Rin kissed him again, licking his tongue across Haru’s teeth and taking his bottom lip into his own.

“It’ll feel great, trust me.” He said.

Haru seemed unsure, but he answered with another kiss, only to gasp and shiver when Rin pressed cold, wet fingers up and down the cleft of his spread ass.

“Rin?”

He stroked them together particularly hard and bucked his hips up into the action as he caught Haru’s lips. Then he was going slow, gently even, as he prodded Haru’s tight ring of muscle with his middle finger, at first only sinking the tip in before he was pressing fully and Haru gasped.

Everything stilled. Haru trembled.

“You okay?”

“It’s just…”

“Weird, yeah? Can I keep going?” Rin asked, because he was fucking about to blow his load any second now and he thought he’d just shrivel up like a raisin if he didn’t release soon. He was so hot, itching to be inside Haru when he came, but realistically that wasn’t happening so he just needed to get off as soon as possible because this was becoming torturous.

“Y-Yeah.” Haru answered and Rin pushed his finger in further before bringing it back out, pumping in and out of Haru until the raven started to adjust to the feeling. His hand was flying over both of their twitching cocks again, rubbing the sensitive heads together and tightening his grip when he felt the telltale coil of his impending orgasm wind deep in his gut. 

“You’re so beautiful, Haru— You’re so—” He gasped out and drowned in the depths of Haru’s gaze, his pupils dilated nearly fully with a bright ring of blue surrounding. Like the deepest, darkest pit of the ocean, a place very little people had ever seen. And this thought only made things better when he knew, _he knew_ , he was the first person to see Haru like this. He curled his single finger inside of Haru, pressing up right against the spot he knew would have him _scream_.

And scream, he did.

_“Rin! Shit—”_

He leaned his forehead against Haru’s slick temple, nudging his flushed pink cheek with his nose and squeezing his eyes shut tight.

“ _Shit!_ I’m so fucking into you. Fuck, Haru, I think I lo—”

“Rin— Rin I—!” Haru gasped against the corner of his lips. They were both panting too hard to kiss, too breathless to even stop and _consider_ slowing down a bit, and so they drank each other up. But oxygen was the last thing on his mind, which probably wasn’t a good thing since his face was beet red and he was possibly having an aneurysm from the intense, mind-numbing pleasure that scorched him to the core. Instead, he focused on continuing his ministrations on Haru, because old habits die hard and no matter what, he was _not_ going to come before the raven haired virgin.

_Virgin_.

More like perfect angel. The angel he was defiling with his very own fingers and playing like the strings of a guitar as Haru _moaned_ like something out of a porno.

He doesn’t need to hold on anymore, however, when Haru’s delicate body is shaking like leaf in his lap, scraping harsh red lines down the muscles of his shoulder blades and crying out in ecstasy as he finally orgasms. Haru’s hips jerk up as he releases all over his hand, his cum being slathered over both their lengths when Rin strokes faster and faster. He’s close, so _fucking_ close, but what does it for him is the tender breathless kiss Haru plants behind his ear. Everything is over sensitized, everything is on high alert. His neck _burns_ where Haru’s lips leave his skin and all at once every feeling in his body shoots to his groin. He’s crying out obscenities as his fist milks himself for all he’s worth, his own cum mixing with Haru’s as it’s layered thickly like icing over their lengths.

They stayed like that for a while, leaning against each other, too heavy and light and dizzy and sated to say or do anything. He pulls his fingers from Haru’s wet entrance and wiped them on the bed. Wrapping his arms around Haru’s waist and closing his fluttering eyelids. Rin barely registers soft kisses lazily littering his cheek and jawline as he pulls Haru’s lithe body closer into his own. He drags them onto their sides on the soft bedding.

“ _Oohmph_.”

“Sorry.” Rin mumbled heavily against the bedsheets. Not once in Rin’s whole life had he felt this good. It didn’t even matter to him that they didn’t go all the way; this feeling, having Haru wrapped up possessively in his arms, their foreheads close enough to be touching and their laboured breaths filling the space between them was _everything_ he needed.

Haru pressed tiny kitten kisses to his chin and nose and despite his fatigue he caught himself smiling.

“You’re too cute.” He murmured tiredly, not daring open his eyes in case Haru gets scared and runs off.

“Don’t say gross things like that.” Haru’s lips ghosted over his eyelashes, laying a kiss on both lids then one on the bridge of his nose.

“Gross? After what we just did?” He asks incredulously. “God, Haru…”

A soft sigh is his only answer.

“So… Did you like it?”

Haru smacks him on the shoulder. “Gross.”

“Aw, c’mon. It wasn’t that bad, right.” He smirked and pressed a chaste kiss on Haru’s unsuspecting lips.

“Hm.” The raven hummed.

Rin reached over Haru, picking up a stray shirt from the floor and wiping them both down, then crawled under the blankets. Haru shared his pillow, their breath mingling together until they became one and the same, curled around each other and relishing in the heat of their bodies.

Haru’s blue eyes wouldn’t move from Rin’s face, and as strange as it was to suddenly be under the intense scrutiny of the ocean itself, it really wasn’t all that bad. In fact, Rin could get rather used to it.

Their night consisted of gentle touches, warm kisses, and pounding heartbeats. But neither boy could immediately fall asleep after the revelation of what they’ve just done together. Haru liked to focus his attention on Rin’s face, which was quite sweet, really. He’d decorated it with soft kisses, trailed lines with the cool pads of his fingertips. Sometimes Rin would become so enthused and crudely shove his tongue down his throat before Haru would coax it back into something more relaxed and romantic.

Rin trailed his hands all over Haru’s body, just like he promised himself he would. Drawing letters and pictures along his spine. Feeling the curve of his back where hard muscle turned into soft cheeks, and _yes_ , he gave special attention to those as well. Kneading them in his fingertips like putty. Acquainting himself with the _feel_ of it all after being forced to just look for so long.

Because Haru was his, and he was Haru’s.

And something about that was entirely too beautiful to comprehend.

So as they drifted off into sleep, surrounded by the lull of each other’s soft snores and the heat of their bodies under the covers, everything felt just right.

When the mid-morning rays fell through the window, naturally waking Rin up from his rest, he checked the time only to realize they’d long since missed their practice and morning lectures. But _fuck that shit_. Because Haru was laying next to him, chest down with his back peeking out from the covers. Naked and pale and practically glowing as the soft mid-morning light reflected its colour onto him like a canvas, painting him with the hues of the sky and drenching him in golden tones. It was almost too good to be real. And so Rin reached out, and touched him. Because he wanted to. And because he needed to check that it wasn’t just his imagination. The room smelled heavily of sex. Haru’s raven hair cowlicked up against the pillow.

He slid a gentle hand from the base of Haru’s neck down his shoulder blades, following the recess of his spine all the way until his tailbone disappeared between soft cheeks. Then he brought his hand back up the same way. Haru shifted slightly and hummed in his half-awake morning bliss, and Rin pressed a feathery kiss against his shoulder for good measure.

This was it, this was life.

This was everything Rin ever needed, right in front of him. And so you can imagine the sudden frustration when he heard a quiet knock sound from his door, breaking the peacefulness of the morning and causing Haru’s eyelashes to finally flutter open.

Fucking Nitori. He _had_ to fuck things up like always, didn’t he. Rin knew he was being a little unfair, I mean, the poor kid fucking _lived_ with him. Yet things were just starting to get good until Rin begrudgingly pulled himself from bed when a second knock reverberated from the door. He yanked on a pair of sweats from the floor, pushed his hair back over his scalp. And with a sigh, he turned the handle, having every intention of slamming it back in Nitori’s stupid puppy face. Right after _punching_ Nitori’s stupid pupp—

Blue.

That was all he saw. A tropical blue, a turquoise. Like the colour of vibrant pools hidden in a desolate landscape. Eyes that he had seen many times before but never truly appreciated their colour, since it had always been someone else on his mind. And so Rin panicked a little and his mouth fell open in _shock_ as he looked up into a familiar stoic face, adorned with dark hair, teal eyes, and a wide frown.

“S-Sosuke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh spaghettioooo  
> That definitely is not Nitori  
> Thoughts on what happens next? 
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (Everyone hates Sasuke but Naruto, aka canon)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Insecurity and ignorance)  
> 


	7. Well This Is Awkward…

It was morning. At least he thought it was.

He was relaxed, sinking into the mattress of the bed feeling the smooth trail Rin’s hand left behind on his back. Up and down, up and down. It was perfect, so remarkably perfect that Haru just wanted to lay there for the rest of his life.

He could feel Rin knead into the flesh of his shoulders, then trickle down and push fingers in the cleft of his cheeks to _squeeze_ , then come back up to his shoulders. It was wildly calming having someone else’s hands touch you. Because as nervous as Haru may have been to open himself up completely to someone, he was just glad that that someone was someone like Rin. Who _cared_ and _respected_ his body and soul like a temple, Haru could seriously _feel_ that through the caresses they shared the night before. It was wonderful, to be so comfortable with someone like that, and Haru counted himself lucky that it had all worked out so smoothly, because he knows relationships aren’t all that and—

Holy shit were Rin and Haru— Haru and Rin… like _together_ now? Is that how this worked—Would Rin want that? I mean, from the things they said to each other last night, it sure seemed like it, and Haru would be the last person to ever disregard Rin freely.

But he could think about that some other time, because Rin was pressing his lips against Haru’s shoulder and Haru was very tempted to open his eyes and see the admiration in those red ones, to confirm that, yes, this was all real, and no, it wasn’t his imagination.

So, of course, just as he was about to on purpose, his eyes fluttered open unintentionally when a quiet knock broke their silence. He saw Rin scowl and roll his eyes, pushing himself off the bed and stretching as another knock sounded from the door. Haru was too mesmerized by Rin’s bare ass to think anything of it, but that too was taken from him when sweatpants were slipped on to cover his exposed flesh and he went to the door.

Now, Haru is generally a pretty curious person, but the way Rin _froze_ in place like a deer trapped in headlights made him push up from the bed on one elbow to get a better look. Because Rin looked absolutely terrified. And Haru was suddenly extremely uncomfortable.

“S-Sosuke.” Rin said, and Haru narrowed his eyes. What— Who the fuck was Sosuke.

“Rin.” A deep voice rumbled from behind the door and out of sight and if Haru wasn’t confused shitless before, _now_ he certainly was. As Rin took a hesitant step back into the room, unspoken words being mouthed in the thick silence, Haru frowned slightly because something was wrong. He could see it, clear as day, in the way Rin looked nervous, anxious, maybe even guilt-ridden. 

“Can I come in?” The deep voice— Sosuke— said from the hall.

_“No!_ No. _”_ Rin jumped, closing the door a bit more and placing himself dead centre of the doorway. And now Haru was anxious as well, because Rin didn’t want this man to know Haru was in here, and that was a bad thing? He felt himself barely breathing, shallowly and stiffly from his chest as he pulled the blankets up to his chin in his embarrassment.

“What, why not.”

“Look, now’s not really the best time.”

“Apparently its never the best time with you. Seriously, man, I fucking came all the way from _Australia_ for you!” Haru’s eyes widened when the cogs started turning and he was slowly coming to the realization of who the man outside the door really was. “Can’t you just hear me out? Please, Rin, you’re breaking my heart.” The cracking sound around his words were enough to make any grown man crumble to pieces. But Rin was staying defiant, and when he glanced back at Haru with fearful eyes, Haru finally worked it all out. And holy shit.

Haru, being the social butterfly that he was, decided this was as good a time as any to drag himself from the bed too, pulling the sheets with him to cover his nakedness and appeared next to Rin’s shoulder, who honest to god jumped right out of his skin at the sight.

Yup. It was him. The man from Rin’s photo’s online. The one who’d been centre of the gnawing guilt in the back of his brain since he’d seen Rin again.  Rin’s… boyfriend? Ex? What the fuck, Haru didn’t even know anymore. It came as a major surprise, however, to learn that Sosuke was just as informed about Haru’s role in Rin’s life as Haru was informed about Sosuke. Because when he looked down on Haru, with those menacing teal eyes that glared with _hate_ and _malice_ into his own, he just knew. Because when he growled “Haruka Nanase” like an animal, spitting like it was acid on his tongue, Haru could tell that this man loathed him with every fibre in his giant, muscle bound body.

And then Rin was stepping in front of him, his shoulders wide like a protective barrier as he told Sosuke to leave. Which he did after a few tense seconds.

“I’ll call you.” Sosuke mumbled as he turned towards the elevator and lumbered off with anger rising from his very body like steam. After Rin watched him go and took a few steadying breaths did he finally close the door and turn back to Haru. 

“Rin?” Haru cooed hesitantly. 

Rin’s brows were upturned, his eyes looking at Haru but not really _seeing_ him. So Haru reached out to pull at his fingers. Rin flinched. He fucking flinched. And Haru felt his drumming heart be crushed in an iron fist when Rin shuffled passed him to sit down on the bed tiredly. Haru followed him over, tentatively sitting down on the bed as well, unsure if he was still welcome here anymore, and wishing fervently that this was all just a bad dream. That he was still waking up with Rin’s hands lazily running up and down his spine. 

“Should I go?” He murmured quietly when Rin stared at the floor unblinkingly for too long, and Rin was looking over at him, desperation lining his powerful red irises, his teasing smirk replaced with a tight lipped frown.

“No.” Rin nodded his head, like he was trying to convince himself it was the right choice. “You deserve to know.”

Haru’s grip on the bedsheets faltered and they fluttered down to his waist, exposing his chest when he reached a hand to clasp it in Rin’s. He gave his wrist a little kiss, encouraging him to go on.

“Sosuke’s my ex-”

“Oh thank fuck.” Haru said quickly like he were letting out a huge breath, cutting Rin off and atypically cursing at the same time. But he couldn’t help it, not when those words opened the flood gates of his relief, letting all the pooling anxiety he was feeling that _Rin might’ve been taken when they slept together_ leave his system in one fell swoop. He felt dizzy, and maybe a little happy. He forced himself to listen, because Rin was amused at his mini outburst, and he still really wanted to hear this thing through to the end. “Sorry.” He mumbled and Rin’s smile, his beautiful, heart seizing smile brightened his day like the sun before he was becoming serious again with a slight cough.

“Yeah, uh— He’s my ex. We’ve been— We _were_ together for three years, but you know— Things change.” Rin cleared his throat and tried again. “He was my first… _everything_ , really. But we’ve known each other for longer than I’ve been in Australia. Actually I’ve known him longer than you, Haru.”

Haru blinked. But last night— Didn’t Rin say— Wait didn’t Rin say he’d always thought about _Haru_ while he did that kinda stuff. He remembered him saying that as clear as day, because honestly that was the hottest fucking—

Oh _shit_.

Haru remembered Sosuke’s face very well, from all his sleepless nights looking at Rin’s profile online, and it just became so blatantly clear to him when the face was still so fresh in his mind from their most recent encounter.

Sosuke looked like Haru.

Okay, yup, that’s a little fucked up. That Rin would have a relationship with a guy solely because he _looked like someone else_. And call Haru arrogant for thinking it was Sosuke that looked like Haru and not the other way around, but hell if he cares because evidently that’s the thoughts that lined Rin’s face as well.

“We were childhood friends, I guess he had feelings for me the whole time. He even came to Australia to go to school with me when we were younger. I was totally cool with it— Like, shit— I had a good friend come to be with _me_ and that was pretty special for a young kid, you know?” Rin sighed and his fingers clasped Haru’s hand a little bit tighter. “But I could never stop thinking about you, even if I didn’t realize it at first.”

“And him? Why’s he _here_.” Haru murmured. Rin chuckled halfheartedly, but his eyes showed no obvious elation.

“Well I— When I got my scholarship request from the university here, I just— We just decided ending things was better than long distance. Well that’s most of the reason, at least all of what he thinks. I guess he’s here cause…” He couldn’t finish that sentence, and Haru nodded solemnly at the thought.

“Did you miss him.”

“Huh?”

“When you came here, did you miss him.”

Rin sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Yeah— I guess? He’s my friend, of course I’d— Ugh, I don’t know Haru I was so confused. I thought I’d never see you again and then you were _here_ and— and—”

He was doing that thing again, where he presses his palm to his brow when he gets stressed out, and Haru gave a tiny squeeze to his hand to make him snap out of it.

“I get it.” He says. Because he _does_. Because he _knows_ what it’s like to see someone you care about after years apart. He knows, _now_ , that if Rin jumped on a plane back to Australia tomorrow, Haru would sure as hell fight to stay with him. 

“What do I do. This is so fucked up— He came for _me_ , but I have you, Haru, I love _you_ — I love—” Rin cut himself off, and Haru could feel the heat flush full throttle into his cheeks. Rin’s palm sweat against his. The heaviness of his confession weighed like lead in the air, too unmistakable to pull off as another one of Rin’s stupid jokes, and yet too extraordinary for it to just be ignored. Besides, it’s not like either of them _didn’t_ feel that way, even if voicing it just seemed to take their relationship to a whole different level. Or at least striking them with the realization that what they felt for each other certainly wasn’t superficial by any means. It didn’t even occur to Haru that normal relationships didn’t move this fast, but blame it on their yearning over the past eight years as any compensation, and suddenly _love_ just seems to encompass what they feel for each other in its entirety of the word.

Haru was as still as a statue, trying to regain control over his fluttering knot of emotions in his gut with desperation, feeling his palm start to sweat too when he only just finally comprehended Rin’s words.

Rin loved him.

This wasn’t some farfetched dream, this was real. So entirely real that it made Haru almost _scared_ , because _Rin loved him_. And he loved Rin. And suddenly that trust that had built between them over their few short weeks together seemed to expand into infinity, all the way back since the day they first met and beyond. It was so _right_ to hear it out loud like that. To place it between them and connect them through its promise. 

When his blush receded enough and he was sure he wasn’t going to stutter like a blabbering idiot, Haru cleared his throat before speaking.

“Then why didn’t you come back before.” He mumbled.

Rin let out a puff of air from his nose and closed his eyes, his embarrassment finally leaving in favour of earning his pride back. At least somewhat. 

“I— I don’t know.” Rin replied. “Something— Something always felt _off_ while I was there, you know. Like I had a boyfriend, I was enjoying school, and I loved swimming… Things seemed like they should be perfect, but it wasn’t, and I wasn’t sure why. Not until I saw you again at the Olympics, that’s kinda when shit hit the fan for me.”

Haru gulped, his face went red, his ears burned and he turned his head the other way in embarrassment. “Well if it helps at all, I never stopped thinking about you either.”

Rin made a little sound beside him, kind of a mix between a scoff and a laugh of relief, from the sheer absurdity of it all. The absurdity of friends admitting their mutual feelings for each other. For their relationship to just suddenly shift from platonic to romantic like a landslide. For either of them (in their heads, of course) they thought it almost too good to be true, like this was a dream or some messed up fantasy because _seriously_ , how could either have thought possible their feelings would be requited after eight years of not seeing each other, and being kids when they first met to boot. It was kind of messed up in its own warm, gooey, cotton-candy, butterflies and rainbows sort of way.

“But that still doesn’t change the fact that _he’s_ here now. For you.” Haru continued when silence flitted between them from Haru’s confession. “His name’s Sosuke?”

“Yeah. Sosuke Yamazaki.” Rin muttered. “ _Shit,_ this is so fucked.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“What d’you mean.”

“You could just tell him how you feel, that’s the simplest answer.” Haru murmured, almost like he was embarrassed. Which he _was_ because it was _weird_ to suddenly think that Rin would choose Haru over someone else. And to have faith that he would too. 

Rin nodded his head, but his eyes were wide and frightened. “I guess.”

Haru didn’t like that reaction, it ate away at his heart like a disease and it left a bad taste in his mouth.

“Hey.”

Rin tilted his head over to him. Haru gulped. Then Haru was leaning in, fluttering his eyes closed, and feeling the warm pressure of Rin’s soft lips against his. It was short, chaste. Mostly because Haru was a little scared about being the one to initiate a kiss in the first place, but from the surprised albeit euphoric look on Rin’s face when they parted, it was enough.

“You need to tell him. It’s not fair for any of us if you bottle things up.” Haru mumbled.

“Yeah.” Rin smirked, but there was no gusto behind it. “You’re right.”

They’d spent the next hour cuddling and talking in bed before Haru decided to go home and shower. Obviously Rin offered for him to stay the whole day, but honestly that’d be kinda rude to his roommate, who Haru learned had been kicked out the night before for _reasons_. So Haru begrudgingly removed himself from Rin’s warm embrace where they were spooning like two lovesick children (which they were), got changed and headed out the door with a tiny kiss goodbye. They’d see each other at practice the next morning anyways and Haru was in desperate need of a long, _long,_ shower to help mull over the thoughts in his head. His stomach was growling however, and a quick stop by a cafe didn’t seem like such a bad idea on his way back to his apartment. Except it was lunch rush, and every place he went to had lines out the door. Something Haru decided wasn’t worth his time. So instead he searched for a vending machine somewhere, finding nothing but one that had drinks in it and he finally, exhaustedly decided it was _good enough_. He jabbed his finger into a button at random, seeing a blue gatorade start moving to the edge where it fell with a loud _clunk_ that echoed down the quiet hallway. He reached down to pick it up, when a chill swept goosebumps over his skin and the hairs stood on the back of his neck and he realized _he wasn’t alone._

He turns his head over his shoulder quickly, eyes as wide as dinner plates staring at the large lumbering form of Sosuke Yamazaki leaning with his back against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest. It was only now that Haru realized how _big_ he was. Probably as big as Makoto or even taller and just as wide. His shoulders were hard and strong under his shirt, the definition of his chest stretching the fabric, and his arms were laced with muscle like tree trunks. His hair was shorter than Haru’s, but equally as dark. And his narrowed, menacing teal eyes were glued to the floor by his feet. If Haru didn’t know any better, this seemed like the prime opportunity to just _run_ because everything about Sosuke’s body language and the secluded hallway and the tension in the air was telling him he was about to get beaten up. But his body wouldn’t move, especially when those eyes turned to look straight at him, keeping him anchored to the spot like he’d been skewered with a pike.

“Hello, Haruka Nanase.” Sosuke’s voice was deep, exactly like it’d sounded that morning, laced with _hate_ and _malice_ like Haru’s name was a bad omen. 

“Yamazaki.” His voice came out surprisingly even, despite starting to feel a little nervous all the same.

“Looks like you two had a fun night.” Sosuke spat, his nose curling and his frown deepening when he spoke. Haru didn’t answer, he didn’t know what to say. Because he knew that Sosuke obviously still had feelings for Rin if he came back to Japan for him. Or at least that Sosuke thought Rin might still want him back even after the move. And suddenly Haru was feeling a little sorry for him, because he couldn’t imagine what it’d have felt like to take a break from your relationship for a couple of months only to find your ex in bed with someone else. _Someone_ , Haru could tell, Sosuke _obviously_ didn’t like. At all.

“Did you _follow_ Rin to this school? Like some _stalker?”_

“I’m here on a swimming scholarship.” Haru furrowed his brows. “I could ask the same for you though, Yamazaki.”

Sosuke smiled. A wide smile, one that actually would have seemed warm and comforting if it wasn’t in dire contrast to the death glare given from his eyes. It was almost kind of creepy, the way he could look so inviting yet shut out, amused yet put off all from one look, and Haru was containing a shiver at the sight.

“You don’t deserve him, you know. All you’ve done is hurt him, that’s all I could ever see when he talked about you back in Australia.” Sosuke said lowly and turned his gaze back to the floor.

Haru flinched. Because he _knew_ he’d hurt Rin but it struck him again to see Rin’s ex looking so heartbroken about it. Haru didn’t care for Sosuke, he had no connection to him other than through Rin, but that look conveyed that Rin had been struggling when he was in Australia and that was enough to send a harsh pang to his heart like a bullet. 

“The Olympics were a final blow as well. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep. He got kicked off the national team, lost all his funding, he didn’t even want to _swim_ anymore because of you.”

“Look, I didn’t ask him to come here and I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way.” Haru murmured and turned his gaze to the side. “I may not deserve him but that won’t keep me from trying.”

“And what about _him_ , huh? His dream was destroyed because of you, and now he’ll never get another chance at it. You ruined swimming for him, something he _loved_ more than anything. What makes you think it’s okay to abuse your control over him like this? It’s disgusting.”

Haru straightened himself, his fists clenching at his sides and a tiny frown marring his face. He didn’t ask to be insulted just because of who he chose to love, that wasn’t fair on him, and it made him mad that Sosuke was being so childish about all this. And besides, what happened at the Olympics was a result of politics in sport; they were forced to retire because the national teams didn’t want to take the blame from the media for the upset. But that was still unfair to Rin, because Haru knew he had literally no control over himself the moment he set eyes on him on the starting blocks. Still, Rin was forced to quit because Haru was Haru and the world only saw him.

“What do you want from me, Yamazaki.” He gritted out, because it was true. What did Sosuke hope to gain from an encounter like this? Did he seriously think his words would scare Haru into giving up Rin, because no, that’s not how this works. His feelings weren’t superficial, they were so utterly _real_ it almost hurt, and Haru wasn’t about to give Rin up right after he’d only just got him. He’d waited his whole life for this moment and now that his dreams were becoming reality there was no chance in hell he was gonna throw it away.

“All I’m saying is what you did at the Olympics was incredibly stupid, you even dragged Rin into it.” Sosuke closed his eyes and laughed to himself, a deep, purring rumble that bounced off the walls of the empty hallway. Then his jaw clenched, his eyes opened, and he was staring at the floor murderously. “He doesn’t need someone like you.”

Haru perked up. Before he and Rin got together, before he knew Rin’s feelings and before everything that happened the night before, Haru had thought the same thing. That’s why he’d forced himself to stay distant, because he never wanted to be a burden to Rin even if it was hard on himself. But just to _hear_ it, to have someone who’s known Rin a long time say it straight to his face, it was a hard blow to the chin and a knee to the solar plexus that sent him snapping back to reality like a sharp gasp for air.

“What are you trying to say.” Haru asked after a moment, because Sosuke must have known Rin’s feelings for Haru all along, and now he sees him as _competition_ for Rin’s heart, like there was ever such a trivial thing to begin with. It didn’t hurt any less, being told Rin doesn’t need someone like Haru, and it didn’t hurt any less knowing that Sosuke still wanted him back and was prepared to steal him away like some kind of possession. If Haru didn’t know any better, this seemed like a declaration of war.

“You’re pathetic, Nanase. You don’t know Rin like I do— You barely even know him compared to me.” Sosuke’s teal eyes were piercing him once again, the conviction laid in his voice like a cold bucket of water dumped over his head. “I would’ve never hurt Rin the way you did.”

Haru didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think, or what to feel. And in his momentary confusion, the words tumbled straight from his tongue. “What are you talking about.”

_Stupid_. Haru was stupid. He knew exactly what he was talking about, and now he provoked the beast. Because the beast was coming straight at him, shoulders wide, sharp teal eyes petrifying him, his towering body looking down at Haru like a mouse, making him feel small and insignificant and _intimidated holy shit._ Sosuke was coming closer, closer and closer until he was pushing him back against the vending machine, their chests a hair’s width from touching. So close Haru could see nothing but vibrant teal looking down at him with _hatred_. Haru gulped.

“Don’t _ever_ get in Rin’s way, again.” Sosuke growled down on him. Then Sosuke was turning and walking away after a tense moment, his muscular back swaying with each heavy step as he went further down the empty hallway. His words of warning were heard loud and clear by the smaller boy. Haru regained his breath. He wasn’t dead; that’s all his mind could muster at this point. So it came as a shock when he spoke quietly and involuntarily, like his mind was empty but his conscious still had some fight in it, or at least still had something to say.

“No.” He heard, only realizing it was himself when Sosuke paused mid-step and turned around with his brows drawn.

“What was that?”

Haru’s frantic breathing caught in his throat but he pushed his fear aside for a moment to think clearly. That’s right, it wasn’t okay for Sosuke to say that kind of stuff just because he can. Haru _loved_ Rin. He always had. And Sosuke couldn’t stop him from loving him no matter what words or threats or insults he threw at him. It wasn’t Sosuke’s decision for who Rin chose to be with. It wasn’t Haru’s either. It was Rin’s. 

“I can’t do that, Yamazaki.” Haru clarified, his voice full of confidence he didn’t actually feel. “It’s his decision if he wants me around or not, but I’ll always be there for him if he needs me. I’ll be there for him even if he doesn’t need me, because what I feel isn’t fake like you clearly think it is.” Haru took a deep breath. He didn’t really expect to be opening his heart up to so many people in such little time. Hell, he didn’t think so many words would ever be said from his mouth at once. But this needed to be said, because otherwise Haru didn’t think Sosuke’d actually get the point. “I don’t expect to earn his trust back after what I did to him from the Olympics, and I don’t think I’ll ever truly deserve him. But I’m going to try, because I only do things freely of my own will, and I don’t need you telling me how to live my life.”

Silence. Then Sosuke sneered. _“Are you done?”_

And suddenly, all of Haru’s momentary confidence was gone. He felt himself visibly shrivel inwards which only fed the predatory expression marring Sosuke’s face. He was coming back towards Haru like a tsunami on a beach, unable to hide and unable to run under his petrifying gaze. It was strangely beautiful, watching the subject of your death come closer and closer in giant strides, crossing the floor with such confidence and certainty that Haru nearly gave up the will to fight. He was roughly pinned back against the vending machine again, the humming whir behind him completely unheard as his concentration tunnelled in on Sosuke’s grip around his bicep and the slam of his other hand resting beside Haru’s head as he leaned closer with a snarl twisting his face.

“Haru?” 

And thank the _fucking heavens_ because the familiar gentle voice of his equally big friend sounded somewhere off to his left. Makoto was watching on curiously with large concerned eyes. Those eyes honed in on Sosuke’s death grip on Haru’s arm and suddenly everything shifted back into the tense air from before. Makoto took a step towards the pair, closing the distance. 

“Is… everything okay here?”

Haru yanked his arm from Sosuke and shuffled out and over towards Makoto with his lip twitching. “Everything’s fine.”

Makoto was looking over Haru’s head at Sosuke, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise before narrowing. Unexpectedly, Sosuke was doing the same; making a double take on Makoto until he remembered his earlier frustration. The two taller boys stared at each other in borderline awkward silence, bolts of electricity crackling between them while Haru looked back and forth with mild confusion. Then Sosuke was leaving, seeing it was his cue from the way Makoto’s scrutiny sized up his whole body challengingly. Makoto’s gaze trailed Sosuke until he disappeared around the corner, and only then did he return his eyes to Haru.

“Who was that?” He asked and glanced back up the hallway for a moment.

Haru sighed and patted his mussed raven hair down, going back to the vending machine to retrieve his nearly forgotten drink. “I don’t really know.”

“Okay…”

The hallway sank with silence, only the mechanical whir and the plastic cracking of Haru opening the lid of his drink were any sound to fill the void. Makoto was watching him like a mother hen.

“Look, Haru. I don’t really know what’s going on, but if you need someone to talk to I’m here for you, alright.”

What? What did Makoto think was going on they were obviously— Unless he thought they were like, making out or something and _shit Makoto thought they were making out_. Or maybe he thought Sosuke had forced himself on Haru and that just made things even _more_ awkward because _no._ Just— _no._

Haru stuttered. “I’m fine, Makoto. I know him— He wasn’t—”

“Oh! Oh. Okay, I was just concerned because you two looked like you were—”

“It’s fine! It wasn’t what it looked like.”

Makoto was nodding to himself, his eyes trained on the floor and a blush resting on his cheeks. “Then what was going on?” He asked after a minute.

Haru sighed. Well, things couldn’t get much worse than this. “He’s Rin’s… ex.”

“Rin? He’s like— He’s into guys?” Makoto’s eyebrows raised but Haru got the sneaking suspicion Makoto already knew this fact about the redhead, despite his surprised tone. (Or perhaps he wasn’t referring to Rin at all, but obviously that thought breezed right over Haru’s head.)

“Apparently.”

“Huh.” Makoto looked back up to where Sosuke had disappeared, then back down to Haru. “Wait what does Rin’s ex want with you?”

This was all happening too fast. First with Rin, then with Sosuke, and now with Makoto. Apparently the end of the world was tomorrow because everyone was getting their hefty dose of Haru as quickly as possible, and that was enough to give Haru a heart attack. If things kept at this pace, Haru would be crawling on his hands and knees with emotional exhaustion by dinner time.

“Nothing.” He finally opted for, because honestly he was _not_ about to open himself up again and hand his heart out on a platter to Makoto too. He’s only slept with Rin _once_ , and sure they both have feelings for each other and sure this seems like a great start to something even better. And _sure_ Makoto’s Haru’s best friend, but having to say his feelings out loud three times in one day was too much for a quiet antisocial person like him. Unfortunately for him, Makoto wasn’t as dense as he looked, and he caught on pretty fast.

“Haru…” Makoto’s eyes narrowed and Haru could actually _see_ his friend’s pulse get faster as he spoke. “Are you and Rin—”

“It’s nothing.” Haru cut him off and Makoto repeatedly blinked the worry from his eyes and wiped a hand over his face.

“Oh, okay then.” The taller boy said with a gentle smile. But something was off, the apprehension from before was still present despite him trying to hide it. And that threw off Haru’s game for a minute. He felt guilty, like hiding these thoughts from Makoto was a bad thing. However Makoto, being the angel he was, changed the subject immediately. “Do you want me to walk you to class?” Leave it to Makoto to act like Haru’s mother. 

“Actually I’m heading back to the apartment right now.”

“Oh, well there then? I don’t have class for another half hour, I have time if you’d like.”

“No, it’s fine.”

Makoto’s shoulders sagged, he looked like he wanted to reach out a hand to Haru but decided against it.

“Alright.” Makoto finally said, the hurt in his voice so blatantly evident Haru considered asking him to just come anyways. “I’ll see you later.” He said and shouldered his bag and walked down the hallway in the same direction Sosuke went.

Haru sighed. Why did things have to be so difficult. It was probably punishment since the day before had been so amazing, like a backlash from a whip shocking him from his moment of prosperity. He eventually made it home without another incident, something Haru was secretly grateful for since if anything else had happened he’d surely find a few gray hairs tomorrow morning. He treated himself to a long soak in the shower. So long, in fact, his hands had shrivelled up like prunes and his hair had decidedly grown two inches down his neck. But he didn’t mind. The water drenching his face and shoulders in soothing cascades lifted him from his thoughts, if only briefly, and he finally felt at peace again for the first time since he’d woken up that morning.

Things were difficult right now, but Haru knew, honestly, he could be happy with whatever Rin chose. He’d heard it from Rin’s lips, those words he’d thought were completely impossible and out of reach, something unattainable like a lost relic. Yet he’d heard it. It could very well be that they spewed from Rin’s mouth like blabbered garbage in his flustered state, nothing really grounding them to its promise. Rin might have not truly meant it the way Haru thought anyways, and that would certainly call for some self-loathing and netflix-binge-watching in his immediate future. But at the same time, Haru knew he could be happy. Because Rin didn’t do anything he didn’t want to do. And if he decided he was happier with Sosuke at the end of the day, then Haru could find solace in Rin’s own happiness. That’s just what you do when you’re in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a MakoHaru shipper the last bit hurt to write  
> Also yes, Sosuke is a bit of an asshole here ha  
> dun dun DUUUN big bad ex coming through, guesses on how Rin's gonna deal with this moving on?  
> Unrelated, i started school this week and im already crying because christmas break is over... fuuuuck
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (Fanservice)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (They live together)  
> 


	8. The Truth (Too Late)

“ _Hey_.” Rin slung an arm around Haru’s waist when their teammates filed out to the pool deck, leaving the two alone in the lockers. Haru’s cheek was dusted with pink when he glanced up at Rin briefly before turning his head down in the opposite direction.

“Morning.” He replied. Haru was rummaging around in his bag for his lost goggles and Rin pressed a quick kiss to his cheek when the other boy was occupied. “Hey, watch yourself.” Haru warned in a mild tone, but by the way his blush grew on his sharp cheekbones, Rin was only encouraged even more.

He planted another kiss on Haru’s cheek, then one on his ear, shuffling his body up behind the raven to hold his hips firmly back against his waist. He curled his body around Haru’s back, feeling the muscles cease their movement in the locker when Haru obviously found what he was looking for.

“We’re gonna be late if you keep doing that.” Haru monotoned and looked back at Rin over his shoulder. But Rin couldn’t give a shit to care about practice because Haru was in his arms right now, willing and responsive, and he would give up the world to stay like this forever. So he pressed a kiss to Haru’s neck, in the junction of his jawbone and the tendons under his ear. Softly at first, then suckling on his smooth flesh with sudden hunger. He moved a hand up the bumps and ridges of Haru’s bared chest, resting a hand over his shoulder and gripping him tightly as he moved his mouth to another spot along Haru’s skin. Haru’s tailbone was grinding back in tiny, microscopic circles against Rin’s groin, kinda like it was instinctual or like he didn’t know what he was doing. But _holy hell_ could Rin feel it. And it was turning him on, faster and faster. The feel of Haru’s pale and spotless skin under his lips like polished marble only provoking his one track mind even more. 

It wasn’t until a soft moan from the raven echoed off the walls of the locker room had either boy realized they’d completely lost themselves in each other, that there were _people_ nearby, and that practice had, in fact, started already. They were even more attuned to this knowledge when their captain called from the pool deck in a loud and _very fucking obnoxious_ voice to ‘get their asses in the pool already.’ Then the two boys were reluctantly prying their bodies apart. Rin, for one, savouring a last lingering kiss to Haru’s lips and willing his semi-hard arousal to die down when they strode out onto the deck. The teasing remarks from their teammates didn’t bother him, and it wasn’t until someone pointed out the fresh marks on Haru’s neck that things suddenly became _really fucking awkward_ for their entire team and Haru, who decided singlehandedly (ha get it) that his palm permanently pressed on his neck was the newest hot fashion statement. 

The pair went to their usual cafe after practice, Haru for once delving into the sweets on display at the front while Rin remained manly and prideful as he slurped on his black coffee with ten-minutes-and-one-annoyed-employee-later worth of sugar stirred in. Just the way he liked it. They talked about everything and nothing like they always did. Haru always listened with such patience and Rin didn’t understand how he didn’t ever get tired of his stories. So when he asked him, and Haru replied with, “Because they’re interesting,” Rin decided to repay the favour. Not out of the goodness of his heart, but because he was _actually, genuinely_ interested in what Haru’s been up to the past _eight fucking years_ that the raven never gave much thought into explaining.

“Not much.” Was the answer, and Rin smirked so wide and evilly he could feel satan flinch from the underworld.

“You can’t be serious, Haru.”

Haru shrugged and took another bite of his fluffy, powdered tart— no, strudel— or whatever the hell it was. “Why not.”

“You’re the best swimmer in the world and you’re telling me _not much_ happened. What a load of shit, man.”

“I _was_ , not anymore. I never cared about winning anyways. It was never what I actually wanted.”

“Because you wanted me, right.” Rin wiggled his brows and smirked cockily.

Haru rolled his eyes. “Not that. I just felt like something wasn’t right.”

“Meaning?”

“I can’t put my finger on it. But something about swimming just made me start to hate it.” Haru stopped chewing and stared off into space, like he was a second away from some great internal discovery. Rin was too distracted by the powdered sugar teasing him from the corner of his lips. “Probably the racing.” Haru said defeatedly after a moment, returning to chewing on his treat again.

“ _Or_ maybe it’s because I wasn’t there to kick your ass into gear, you slow poke.” Rin teased and Haru’s tiny little smile curling his mouth sent Rin’s heart aflutter.

“Maybe.” Haru agreed. Rin couldn’t take it anymore, the powder on his lips were taunting him with a single finger, telling him to break his pride and lean right over the table for a taste. Which he ended up doing anyways, even though the shop had people in it and even though Haru turned a bright shade of red when he did. He lapped at the sugar quickly with a kiss, then sat back in his seat across with a contemplative expression hiding the glee he felt within.

Rin hummed. “Hm that’s good.” Then he was leaning over to Haru’s hand where the treat was held, opening his mouth as he got closer. “C’mon gimme a bite.”

And suddenly, the sticky feeling of strawberry?— no, that was raspberry— filling coated the area of his mouth and cheek, powdered sugar settling in a cloud on his shocked face and the smear of Haru’s fingertips swirling the ooey goodness into his skin all took a moment to comprehend. Then Haru was giggling, a tiny little fit of giggles that broke Rin from his shock and sent his pulse beating a million times a minute. He had strudel (or tart, whatever) smeared all over his face, the flaky crumbs falling onto the table and Haru giggling like a child in front of him. A few other people in the cafe looked over at the noise, not that the pair gave a shit, Rin was too entranced by Haru’s fit to think much of it. And he was smiling too, because it was funny, because it was cute, and because the raspberry filling was actually pretty darn impressive. So he decided to give Haru another taste of it, since it was just too good to go to waste. He scooped a huge goop of filling in his fingertips from his own cheek, and smeared them right on Haru’s forehead (ironically Haru did _not_ have tastebuds in his forehead, so Rin’s justification was stupid to begin with). The raven stilled, his eyes wide and a giggle stopping dead in his throat. Rin smiled. _Actually_ smiled. A burst of air puffed from his nostrils and his uncontrollable laughter had him keeling over from the effort. Some other people in the shop were giving them weird looks now. Then Haru was kissing him, smiling and muttering halfhearted apologies between each lick and taste of the tart on his cheek and lips. They cleaned themselves up with a butt ton of napkins and shit load of peppered kisses, and finally Rin’s skin was once again its normal colour and not matching with his maroon hair.

“Didn’t think you’d fight back.” Rin chuckled and gathered their mountain of dirtied napkins into a little pile at the side of the table. Haru smiled and rested his ear on his arm, leaning over to the side like tree caught in a raging river. 

“Yeah you did.”

“Yeah, ‘kay.” He admitted, grabbing one of the balled up napkins and free throwing it into a garbage bin a few metres away. It missed. Basketball never was his strong suit anyways. Haru, the fucking angel that he was, walked over there with a sigh and dropped the lone napkin in the bin, then plopped back down in his seat across from Rin. “Look at you, model citizen.”

Haru hummed and settled back into his previous position.

“That looks uncomfortable.” Rin pointed out and crossed his arms over his chest with a gentle smile resting on his lips.

“Not as uncomfortable as you look when you sleep.” Haru replied and his eyes darted from Rin’s face to the table.

“Been creeping into my room, eh?”

“Don’t be weird.” Haru rolled his eyes. “I meant from that one night.”

Ah yes, the one night. That one, single night that was burned into Rin’s memory like a cattle brand. That one night that _literally_ happened not two days before. And the hellstorm of a morning afterwards, when Sosuke—

_No._ He wasn’t gonna think about Sosuke while he was spending time with Haru. He didn’t need the extra weight on his chest. And besides who wanted to deal with all that bullshit emotional stuff now when Haru was smiling and looking up at him where he was sprawled out on the table with those large, curious, expectant, blue eyes of his. Yeah, he could afford to set all that aside for now.

“You never did tell me about what you were doing for the past while, you know.” He finally said when their mutual staring seemed long enough for someone to get worried. “I wanna know.”

“I was just training. It’s pretty boring, really.”

“You must’ve liked it though, at least a little, right?”

Haru hummed noncommittally.

“That’s not very convincing.”

“I like swimming now more than I did back then.” Haru murmured and turned his gaze out the window.

“It’s ‘cause I’m here, right.” Rin smirked.

Haru rolled his eyes, but he didn’t disagree.

The rest of the day was fairly boring after they separated to head to their respective classes with a walk and a quick kiss to their usual parting spot. Rin had two classes that afternoon, the first wasn’t so bad, but the second was absolute hell. His mind refused to think of anything but dirty things he wanted to do with Haru and so it came as a huge shake back to reality when his phone starting vibrating in his pants. He didn’t have to look. He knew exactly who it was.

The call came. Just like Sosuke promised.

Rin was in class, his prof down below spewing some nonsense he didn’t really have the heart or care to listen to. The people around him didn’t even look up when he got out of his seat and strode from the lecture hall in big bounding strides, pulling his vibrating phone from his pocket and hesitantly putting it to his ear.

“You actually picked up. That’s a first.” He could _hear_ Sosuke smirk on the other end and that sent a tiny smile to his face at the familiarity of it all.

“Yeah well I’m missing class for this, so you better make it good.” Rin teased and pushed his way out the doors into the courtyard, eventually deciding on settling down on a bench under a tree.

“We both know you weren’t listening anyways.”

Rin chuckled. “‘Course I was. I’m a changed man, Sosuke.” He said and suddenly the playful tone of their words all came crashing down with the impending loom of reality hanging over their shoulders.

“Rin— Hey, I’m glad we got to see each other again. Even if it was like… you know, _that_.” Sosuke started. Rin worried his lip. “But you need to know I’m not willing to give you up so fast.”

Rin opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He felt so utterly at the mercy of his emotions it was driving him crazy. It was like he couldn’t differentiate between friend and boyfriend with Sosuke anymore. Even though he knew deep down in his heart the only person he’d ever have eyes for was Haru. But Sosuke’s next words shattered his resolve like glass.

“I love you, Rin.” He said. “I always have.”

Rin clenched his eyes shut tight, hoping it was enough to block out reality for a moment, at least. But he wasn’t fortunate enough to be given that moment, because Sosuke’s voice was filling the blackness in his mind’s eye with so much emotion Rin wanted to run and hide.

“I’ve loved you since the day we met, I followed you to Australia because even though we were kids I knew I couldn’t be separated from you like that. You’ve made me the happiest guy in the whole _fucking_ world, Rin, and I know this is a shitty and pathetic confession since I’ve told you face to face before, but _fuck_ , man. I’m desperate! I’m losing you and it’s killing me. You have to understand that.” Sosuke sucked in a deep breath through the line, his exhale a shaking, earth-shattering sob. “We’ve always been together, I understand you more than I understand myself. But right now— I don’t know— Like— _fuck_ , man— I’m sorry.” Rin heard a sniffle over the phone and he pressed his palm to his brow in his anxiousness. “I don’t usually get jealous, but I can’t stand it anymore. If distance was the only reason you wanted us to break up before then I need to hear it now. I’m _hurting_ , Rin. You’re fucking killing me. _Please_ — I need the truth.”

Before Rin knew it, tears were silently falling from his chin like a faucet down onto his lap. He bit his lip again, shaving the skin and tearing holes in his flesh. He refused to open his eyes, he refused to remove his hand from his forehead. This was all too _real_ , this just hurt too _much_ , and Rin didn’t know what to make of it all. He knew Sosuke loved him, he’d told him to his face so many times when they were together. He’d heard it through mouthfuls of food and through soft kisses to his sweat-slicked forehead. He’d heard it after he’d won swim nationals and after his heartbreak at the Olympics. He’d heard it so many times before but the weight that rested in his heart from those words felt like a million pounds. Especially when he knew he didn’t feel the same way. He _cared_ for Sosuke, more than a normal friend would. He wanted Sosuke to be happy no matter what, he wanted to cater to his needs and be there for him when he needed it most. Which as ironic as it was, was something Rin couldn’t give to him right now. Because Rin was in love with Haru. He always had been. And always will be. And that thought was absolutely tearing him in two.

So instead he reminded himself of Haru, who was quiet and gentle and brash and blunt. Who had listened when Rin was conflicted. Who fit beside Rin like he was _meant_ to be there. Who wanted to stand beside Rin too. Haru, who was as beautiful and fleeting as crashing waves, who was hardworking and dedicated to the things he loved. He was quirky and cute and powerful and limitless. He made Rin’s heart stop in his chest. He made Rin’s mind unable to form thoughts. He made his eyes threaten to burst and his gut twist into knots and his arms want to reach out and just _hold him_. Because Rin was in love with Haru, and there was no way he could deny himself of his emotions any longer.

As much as Sosuke had been with Rin through everything, to Rin it had only been as a friend. Someone to lean on when things got difficult, his support pillar and endless trust when he was having a rough day. But these thoughts were becoming increasingly more prominent the more and more he thought about Haru. He wanted Sosuke to be his _friend_ not his _lover_ , which was something that was extremely hard to tell the other boy after all this time. After all the lies and deception and his desperation in thinking _everything was fine_ , that _everything was right_ , that he wasn’t missing something in his quest for love. It seemed so shallow to finally tell Sosuke the truth. But Haru was right. It was something that needed to be done. Because hiding behind his lies could only take him so far, and he wanted the whole world with Haru.

“Rin? Say something.” Sosuke’s voice cracked on the other end of the line and Rin tore himself from his thoughts, fully ready to face his demons head on with a torch and a pitchfork.

“Sosuke…” He reached up to wipe the tears from his face, but in that moment the hesitance was spilling from his mouth like vomit, unable to stop himself and unable to control the words, which he instantly regretted the moment he said them. “Can we meet? Like in person?”

This was wrong, but it was also right. Sosuke deserved to know the truth, and to hear it face to face rather than a halfhearted apology over the phone. At the same time Rin didn’t know if he could actually go through with it. Sosuke had just spilled his heart out, put all of his cards on the table and Rin was acting like he hadn’t even heard it all.

“Yeah… sure.” Sosuke’s defeated tone fuelled enough words to fill a page. But still, he’d agreed. They decided on a park nearby, somewhere public enough that their conversation wouldn’t feel too intimate, yet secluded enough that it was just intimate enough. Rin ran there, finding Sosuke slouched at a picnic table with his hands mussed in his hair and looking like a man possessed when he turned those wild teal eyes up at Rin.

“Hey.” Rin said as he gingerly sat down. 

“Hey.” Sosuke’s gruff voice replied. His eyes were unmoving from Rin’s, wide and pleading with so much fearful sentiment he could’ve been on death’s door. As much as Rin wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to look away. For Sosuke’s sake.

Rin sighed and clasped his hands in his lap. He didn’t know where to begin.

“There’s a lot to talk about.” He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just your daily dose of fluff and feels bright and early in the morning... (poor sosuke)
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (Sasuke hears voices in his head)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Oikawa learns how to love)  
> 


	9. Can I Touch You?

Rin called, he needed to talk with him.

Those heavy words mumbled with an emotionless tone spoke volumes in itself. So when Haru gave Rin his address and heard the knock on the door, he was already bracing himself for the worst. Rin must have spoken to Sosuke, and that sent a tiny pang of fear through his heart like a stitching needle.

“Hey.” Haru answered when he opened his apartment door and took in Rin’s features. It wasn’t at all what he expected from over the phone. Rin had his hair done up fashionably in a little half up-do and he wore his usual ripped black jeans with a clean red shirt and a black and gray flannel with the sleeves rolled up to his biceps. He had a huge smile pasted on his striking face, and he grabbed Haru about the waist and pulled him in for a lingering kiss before brushing passed him and into the house. 

“Hey, babe.” Rin called over his shoulder as an afterthought and kicked his shoes off at the door.

“Come on in.” Haru monotoned to the empty hallway while Rin looked around the apartment. Haru shut the door and followed him to the living room. “Makoto’s not here right now, so make yourself at home.”

“So I couldn’t be at home if Makoto was here, that’s what you’re saying?” Rin teased and flipped onto the sofa with a heaving sigh. Haru chose the floor, leaning up against the wall by the coffee table and grabbing a cushion to sit more comfortably on.

“Mhm.”

“Touche.”

“Why don’t you guys like each other, anyways.” Haru murmured after a second, more to himself than anything. “We all used to be friends, right.”

But still Rin answered. “Well yeah, but you gotta understand we had a kinda rivalry going there, babe.”

“And what’s with calling me ‘babe’ all of a sudden, you never used to do that.”

“Just feels right, you know. _Babe._ ” Rin winked at him and flicked some stray hairs from his eyes. “Nah but me and Makoto are okay. Everything’s probably settled down now anyways so no need to worry.”

“Why.” Haru asked because he was a little lost to be honest.

“‘Cause I have you now, dumby.”

Haru flushed and turned his gaze to the ground. “So I take it things went okay with Yamazaki?”

Rin stiffened, then released his strain with a long sigh.

“It didn’t. Not really.” He said lowly and Haru was looking back up at him. That was the expression he had been expecting when Rin arrived, not the fake, teasing, bubbly Rin he’d been presented with at the door. His eyes were blank, his mouth drawn tight, his hand pressed on his brow and the lines and bags under his eyes seemed to age him until he was barely recognizable anymore. “I told him, though, Haru. I told him I love you and— I fucking— I broke his heart.” Rin managed and then he was covering his eyes and shrinking into himself. Haru pushed himself from the floor and sat beside Rin, rubbing gentle circles against his back and pressing the heat of his body up against the redhead’s side. If anything else, just to let him know he was there.

“I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me for all the shit I’ve caused, and I don’t know if we can ever be friends again without feelings getting in the way.” Rin sobbed a bit and leaned into Haru’s shoulder. “But I know it was the right thing to do, I couldn’t pretend everything was okay anymore and I couldn’t let him involve you in our problems. Right?” He asked for confirmation.

Haru hummed. He never told Rin about Sosuke’s threat earlier, but from what it sounds like he didn’t need to anyway, because Rin must’ve figured it out. At least somewhat.

Rin removed his hand and looked straight into Haru’s eyes. Red irises and red waterlines held the tears in like floodgates threatening to blow and Haru felt himself sink at the sight. He cupped a cheekbone in his hand and rubbed tenderly at the skin under his eyes, allowing the tears to stream from his face in wet droplets and fall to his chin.

“Do you have regrets?” Haru mumbled and Rin’s mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to gather his words.

“No.” Rin sniffed loudly and wiped at his cheeks with the back of his arm. “I chose you, and I’m happy I did.” He said.

Haru’s mouth curled into an involuntary smile at the confession, his heart thrummed in his chest and his eyes nearly mirrored Rin’s in their attempts to water.

“Okay.”

“What about you? Was it the right thing to do, Haru?” Rin sniffed again.

“I’d always be with you no matter who you chose.” Haru admitted through a deep blush. “You can’t get rid of me again.”

“Haru…”

Haru shook his head. “I don’t know if what you did was right or wrong, but if you think what you did will make _you_ happiest, then I’m happy too.”

“But what about Sosuke, I—”

“If he loves you as much as you think he does, then he’ll understand.”

Rin’s face was blank for a moment, then he nodded in agreement. “Yeah, you’re right.” He said. “But as selfish as it sounds, I still want to be friends with him. Like, _fuck_ — we’ve been together for so long, I don’t want to leave things like this.”

“He’ll decide if he wants that too when it’s the right time.” Haru mumbled. “But I think he might want some distance for now.”

“Probably.”

A thin silence fell between them, only broken by their breathing and the pounding of Haru’s heart in his chest.

“So what now.” Rin said after a minute, turning his head to look down at Haru.

He looked up at him with a tiny smile. “Now we get to be together.”

And now Rin was smiling too, wide and white, his eyes crinkling a little at the edges and his waterline wet with tears. Then he leaned down and kissed him, soft and slow, their hands remaining by their sides or clasped in one other. Just _feeling_ each other through the warmth bled across the kiss. When they separated, Haru wound his fingers around the back of Rin’s neck, keeping his head firmly in place so they could rest their foreheads against each other. Haru closed his eyes, his breathing coming out shallow and his pulse thrumming rapidly in his neck. He swallowed, trying to regain some confidence, then he spoke in a hushed tone.

“Can we… do it again?” He asked. Rin jumped.

“Now?” Rin asked incredulously.

“Well, not if you don’t want to, I just— I’ve been thinking about it and—” Haru was stuttering again and he cursed himself for his lack of nerves at moments like these. In swimming, he’d always been better at controlling his anxiety because the water always brought him peace of mind. But Rin made his blood boil and his skin shiver and he found his emotions bubbling to the surface more often than not. So while he struggled to form coherent sentences, Rin waited patiently for him to finish, and Haru was so eternally grateful for that. “I want you to teach me.” He finally managed after a heavy breath. He bowed his head when his face flushed red in embarrassment. “I know I’m not experienced, but I want to be… for you.”

His face was on _fire_. But if Rin noticed, he didn’t tease him about it.

“Yeah. Sure.” Rin said gently and pressed a quick kiss to his mouth. His voice dropped an octave and his whispers tickled Haru’s lips. “But before I teach, let me show you first.”

Then they were kissing again, hot and needy, Rin’s hands wound their way into Haru’s hair and he shifted his body more in front.

“Can I touch you?” Rin asked against his lips and Haru shivered a bit. But he nodded his head anyways as Rin’s fingers undid his pants quickly. Haru lifted himself up a bit to help slide them off easier and Rin took his sweet time, trailing the fabric with his lips and pressing soft kisses to newly exposed flesh as he moved further and further down Haru’s legs until he yanked them off over his knees. He slid his hand up Haru’s inner thighs, coaxing them open with soothing movements. Haru’s junk was still covered by his boxers, but every time Rin’s fingers would teasingly move underneath the hem, Haru’s breath would hitch in his throat. Rin had settled on his knees on the floor, pressing tender kisses to Haru’s knees and thighs, his warm hands continuing to coax him open and pliant. And only when Haru lowered his guard, his eyelids fluttering and a soft moan erupting from his mouth did Rin pull lightly at the fabric of his boxers, pulling them as far down as he could before needing Haru to lift his weight off the couch, and the redhead ripped the offending garments from his skin. His cock sprung free, half-hard and smooth, but Haru was too fascinated by Rin’s expression to think much of it. Rin looked _hungry._ Like a baited shark. And Haru had a moment’s hesitation where he wondered if Rin was _actually_ going to bite his dick off or if he was just that aroused. Rin’s hands were still moving gently up and down his inner thighs and when he pressed forward to nuzzle his nose against the base of Haru’s length, Haru squeaked at the touch.

“You’re so beautiful, Haru.” Rin mumbled as he pressed a kiss to the base. One hand curled around the length and the other dropped lower to cup his balls and Haru _trembled_ with the sudden sensations. It felt good, as inexperienced as he was with this sort of thing, but he guessed it was _that_ much better because he knew it was _Rin_ down there, of all people. That Rin even _wanted_ to do this to him. It made his heart drum and his breathing shallow and his fingers twitch to just _touch_ something, because Rin’s teasing was becoming a little overbearing.

“Rin—” He moaned out but he refused to close his eyes. Rin was moving his palm along his length, hardening it until it stood against his belly. His other hand rolling his balls around expertly and drawing out a high gasp from the raven. Then Rin licked a hot stripe up his dick, his tongue coming to flick quickly at the slit and Haru let out another moan of gratitude. He settled for threading one hand into Rin’s maroon hair, not really applying any pressure but still showing him what he wanted. And Rin complied. He opened his mouth and sank down onto Haru’s cock with sudden hunger, his throat engulfing Haru in sweet, wet heat all at once and his own mouth fell open in a silent gasp. Rin took him far in one go, Haru’s cock nudged euphorically to the back of Rin’s throat, his nose only an inch from Haru’s navel before he swallowed and pulled off, bobbing back down to continue like before. And Haru was _writhing, squirming_ under his lips. His toes curling and his knees lifting into the air involuntarily. His belly moved in time with Rin’s rapid bobbing, barely feeling himself able to get enough air into his lungs and finding his brain turning off from the intensity of these new sensations. Rin licked playfully at the head, giving special attention to the most sensitive places and Haru felt himself grow hot all over, his gut twisting and his balls clenching.

“Rin— You gotta— I’m gonna—” He tried to warn, but if Rin knew what he meant he surely didn’t give a shit because now he was going twice as fast as before, milking Haru for all he’s worth as his orgasm tore through him with all the white-hot intensity of a raging volcano. His mind went numb and his mouth hung half-open in _shock_ when Rin looked up at him while he came in his mouth. The redhead swallowed thickly and licked his lips for good measure when he pulled himself from the length, his hand still tugging lightly at the over-sensitized skin in gentle motions.

“Was that okay, Haru?” Rin asked with concern lacing his voice, like he was afraid he’d _hurt_ Haru or something but _fuck yeah that was okay._ It was more than okay, really. Haru would be perfectly happy with Rin doing that all fucking day, thank you very much. But instead he opted for a lazy nod, trying to control his rapid breathing and he cleared his throat a bit. His bangs stuck to his forehead, his eyelids heavily fighting to stay open as his body relaxed into the couch.

He looked down at Rin, equally matching Haru in his red flush, his panting chest, his dark eyes. Rin was just as aroused as Haru was despite Haru being the one pleasured, and something about that sent a trill of excitement through Haru’s stomach. Rin licked his lips (a slow motion that Haru carefully followed) and leaned forward to peck fluttering kisses against Haru’s dewy abdomen, his shirt pushed up. His breath was warm, each kiss light and fleeting. Hot hands traversed his thighs to his hips, where they held him securely, comfortingly. Looking down, Haru could see the steep tent pushing in Rin’s jeans between each minute movement. Rin’s hands tunnelled beneath him to spread his cheeks against the rough material of the cushions, shocking him back from his lustful lull when fingers groped around his entrance.

“Can I keep going?” Rin questioned, and Haru blinked blankly a few times. _There was more?_

“N-No.”

Rin blinked. “Huh?” Then he kind of twitched back like he’d been flicked in the face. His face going red and lines pressed between his knitted brows dangerously as he fell victim to his ego and embarrassment.

“… ’Cause I wanna do you now.”

Rin’s pride surged back into his body. His shattered ego reforming piece by piece with relief. And then Haru saw the confusion, the anticipation, as the redhead’s eyes caught his again.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to, Haru—”

“I _want_ to.” Haru gently pushed Rin’s shoulders back, giving him enough room to slip off the couch and join the other boy on the floor. He fingered at Rin’s black jeans, playing with the frayed strings from a rip along his thigh. Then he looped a finger along the hem at his waist, expertly unclasping the top button and zipping down his fly. “You said you’d teach me.” Haru said innocently.

“Yeah. I fucking did, didn’t I.” Rin’s eyes blew wide. “But take your shirt off for me.”

Haru leaned back, licking his dry lips. And he pulled the hem of his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor. He was completely naked in front of Rin, his eyes shifted from side to side as the redhead scoured every inch of his body. Haru didn’t know what to do with his hands. He didn’t know where to look. It was all too much, and yet he was okay with it. He liked that Rin could see him like this, bare and open and honest. But it also kinda felt weird that Rin was still fully clothed, so he tried to change that.

As he reached for Rin’s shirt, the redhead stood up. He shed himself of his dark flannel and shirt, tossing them in whatever direction the action finished in. Then he pulled his jeans off and kicked them aside.

And now Haru was presented with a very intimidating problem. Because even though he wanted Rin to feel good too, _how_ in the _fuck_ was he supposed to fit that thing in his mouth. The thing being Rin’s glorious erection. Hard and veiny and beading with silvery droplets. Bobbing heavily just above Haru’s forehead.

_Shit._

He wanted to ask for help, he wanted to know how it was supposed to be done. But instead, as always, he dove right in. Placing a thin hand along the dark lines of Rin’s tattoo, circling the other along the base of Rin’s erection, just as he’d done for him. Opening his mouth and taking Rin in. Closing his eyes, he moved his tongue along the heated base. Tasting him as far as he could. Circling the crown with his tongue as Rin groaned around the motion. His length felt like molten iron wrapped in velvet. Firm and pliable. Hot and… fuck, kinda salty, or something.

Haru lightly bobbed his head like Rin had done, pumping his hand to cover the area his lips couldn’t reach.

“You’re doing so good, Haru.” Rin breathed out above him. He felt fingers card through his hair and grip gently at his scalp. “So fucking good.”

Haru lost himself then. Instinct driving him onwards. A smile playing on his lips when he pulled off to gasp a breath. Fuck, Rin was so hard. 

His back arched, his knees trembled. His hips bucked into Haru’s mouth and the raven nearly gagged when he felt like he just might die of suffocation.

But seriously, what a way to go out.

Haru’s eyelids fluttered open, latching immediately onto the lust blown orbs above him.

It could’ve been mere seconds or as long as days before Rin’s whole body tightened and spasmed above. Haru didn’t take his lips off Rin as he finished, only watching with wide eyes as Rin whispered over and over as he came in spurts and curses down Haru’s throat. And when he finally pulled off, his breath was stolen from him as Rin sank down to kiss him. Tasting themselves on one another’s tongues. Too tired and sated and happy to give a shit.

They broke apart and Rin grinned and ran his fingers along Haru’s chest.

“Where the _fuck_ did you learn that?” He smirked.

Haru pressed a tiny kiss to Rin’s forehead. “I have a good teacher.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some casual fanservice for you
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (warning: contains too many metaphors)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Oikawa likes balls)  
> 


	10. Home and Comfort

Haru wasn’t usually timid by any means. He got embarrassed, sure, that happened to the bravest souls from time to time. Haru was blunt and quirky and optimistic and cute. He was socially awkward (that too) and so his bluntness always came as such an initial shock if you were to meet him for the first time.

And knowing all that, it came as only mild surprise to Rin when the raven was the one popping the big question that’d been on both their minds.

“So are we, like… together now?”

It was an warm afternoon that the pair decidedly spent indoors, sprawled out over the couch in Haru’s living room, limbs intertwined and Rin’s fingers clumsily playing with Haru’s hair. They were laying down, and Haru’s eyes dropped and a blush formed on his cheeks when he’d asked, Rin mirroring him when his brain caught up to his ears.

“Well… yeah.” He answered truthfully, because what else would you call this exactly.

“So that means we’re like… _boyfriends?”_ Haru mumbled into his collar and Rin scoffed into raven hair.

“You’re only just realizing this _now_?” He teased. They hadn’t ever made it official, but they’d been together for about a week now doing anything and everything together every chance they got. They saw each other at swim practices all the time, they went for their coffee dates, then they spent most of their free time studying and hanging out together in either of their rooms. Or at least whenever their roommates weren’t around. 

Things could get pretty awkward with Makoto, especially that one time when the taller male had answered the door before Haru could get there, greeting Rin with a frown and a ‘what are you doing here’. Yeah, that was an embarrassing cover up story to say the least, since Haru (of course) wanted to choose the right time to let Makoto in on what they’d been up to. 

Whenever he and Haru fooled around they always made sure there was no chance of being caught. Not because they were embarrassed, more like Haru was still a little self conscious about the whole sex thing. They hadn’t gone all the way yet. Really they hadn’t gotten much further than blow jobs and sticking his fingers up Haru’s ass. But Rin didn’t really care, because every day with Haru was a blessing to him, and his inexperience only made it that much more exciting every time they did something together.

It was kinda amusing when they were fucking around one time — Rin had two fingers shoved up Haru’s ass, his throat swallowing the poor boy whole, and Haru, gasping and blushing as he was, asked ‘how Rin was so good at this’. It was pretty funny, and equal parts awkward and ridiculous when Rin explained he used to bottom a lot so he knew what felt good. Haru had turned pink. His eyes darted around and that stutter came back when he asked if Rin would ever want to bottom again.

“Depends.” Rin had teased noncommittally.

He’d fallen so hard for this boy, the one currently cuddled in his arms with his nose tucked against his chest, that he could hardly believe there’d been a time in his life when he hadn’t had Haru around with him. 

Haru fidgeted, waking Rin up from his brief thoughts. “Shut up, I just wanted— I just thought we should—” Haru was stuttering again, just like he always did when he got nervous about something. Rin had made it his personal life goal a week ago for Haru to never feel nervous like this around Rin again, even if his persistent teasing contradicted that goal in its entirety. Rin planted a kiss upon his raven crown and smirked into the soft hairs.

“Yes, Haru, we’re _boyfriends_.” He mocked Haru’s tone and laughed devilishly when Haru batted his chest with a fist.

“I like that word.” Haru mumbled after a minute, lost in his own sentimentality. 

Rin smirked. “It suits you.” He got another fist to the chest.

Haru ended up telling Makoto about their relationship later that day, and Haru _said_ it went okay, but Rin knew Makoto couldn’t have taken it very well. I mean, they were buddies once, sure. But their rivalry for Haru’s affection always gave them an edge with each other, so it was no doubt they didn’t immediately get along again when Rin came back from Australia. Rin told his mom soon after as well, as he couldn’t wait to spread the news. And his mom, who was a little confused by ‘Wait, Haruka? Your friend from Iwatobi? A swimmer? Oh! Yes, I remember now…’ had thankfully been as thrilled as Rin about the matter. His sister, Gou, _squealed_ over the phone at the news, and soon just about everyone knew about his and Haru’s relationship, possibly thanks to his sister’s inability to keep her gossiping mouth shut. To him though, it didn’t matter what other people thought of their relationship, as long as he was with Haru he was happy.

Ironically, the hardest part of deciding to make it official was keeping it secret. Well, not _secret,_ more like not inviting the _entire world_ into the bedroom with them, because that’s what the media fawned over. It was interesting to see the world’s reaction to finding out the fastest swimmer in the world is gay. And dating ‘that one guy from the Olympic scandal’ no less. Rin personally blamed Gou for all the chaos caused online, though obviously she denied selling their secret to anyone. Right. Tell that to her new car that suddenly emerged out of nowhere.

Some people were excited at the representation in high level sport, and others were outraged. Lots of people were connecting the dots with the Olympics and their relationship, and many others who understood the politics of swimming were appalled that their retirement had been virtually forced. But as much as the world raved on and on about the two idiots, it was all just background noise to them.

Just like when the door softly clicked shut from behind them, cueing Makoto’s leave where Haru and Rin were currently watching some freaky fucking horror movie. And as the door shut, Rin’s heart nearly seized in his chest. Now, being totally manly and all Rin definitely wasn’t scared, or whatever. Okay, _maybe_ that one high-pitched scream startled him a little and _maybe_ the makeup was really realistic but Haru seemed like a good buffer whenever things got a bit too intense. Because Haru wasn’t scared at all, in fact, he looked almost _bored_ which is kinda creepy in its own right. And Rin wasn’t sure where to look so he settled on just shutting his eyes and covering his ears when he knew, _he fucking knew_ there was about to be some _stupid fucking_ jump scare. Apparently there was one, because the music was getting shrilly and an awful blood-curdling scream rang through the apartment (not that Rin knew what the fuck was going on on the screen with his eyes closed) and he jumped right out of his skin when ghostly lips pressed against the side of his mouth. Rin recoiled, his eyes blown wide and a hand clutching his drumming chest as he glared into the twinkling eyes of Haru leaning over him.

“Fuck off.” Rin ended up grumbling when his fear started to fade. Haru pressed another kiss to his lips and plopped back against the cushions with a mouthful of popcorn and an evil smirk resting gleefully on his face. Well, at least he wasn’t bored anymore.

It was almost kind of funny at swim practices how all the other boys suddenly got really awkward around Rin and Haru since they knew they were together now. A couple months ago, their only concern with the two of them was breaking them up if a fight started. Or, you know, if Rin tried to drown the raven. _Again._ And now all the other boys felt pretty fucking weird about how all of that angst before was just sexual tension needing to be unleashed. Rin could see how they’d be weirded out though, I mean, some of these guys saw Haru as a celebrity (which, _fine_ , he kinda is, I guess), and all this attention from the media and online was really throwing them for a loop. Swimming was fun again though, because Haru was racing faster than he ever had even if he never seemed quite pleased with himself like something was _off_. He always frowned when they finished hard intervals or when the coach would praise him specifically about something or other. But Rin still got to pat his ass in the change rooms whenever he wanted now, which made things a bit better. It also made for some _really embarrassed expressions_ from Haru, and also Rin’s daily dose of sadistic torment to the rest of the team. Their coach even had a preemptive talk with them about how the change rooms are still technically communal areas so having sex there would be considered public and was kinda against the law. But what the hell, it was too fucking late now! And besides, they weren’t unreasonable. They didn’t shove their relationship in peoples faces, they weren’t obnoxious about it, and it certainly didn’t define them as human beings. They were just two idiots drunk on love, and that’s that.

For a frame of reference, it had only been a week since the media found out about their relationship. And only three weeks since they started sleeping together. Even though Rin grumbled about the sudden celebrity status (he still blames Gou, obviously), there were good things that came out of it.

What was really impressive was that their spotlight in the media brought positive light to gay relationships. And now since their faces were basically the front page of this movement, people started acting like them being together was more normal than they did before. It wasn’t something they really needed, but it was something they definitely appreciated. At the end of the day, they were only eighteen, and (extremely) luckily enough the world seemed to understand and respect that. So while they still got some weird stares when they kissed in public or held hands walking to classes, it didn’t bother them. To them, all that mattered was each other. 

The people’s uproar about their retirement from pro-swimming was heard loud and clear by the respective national teams, and Rin and Haru were offered their places and funding back in the swim organizations’ fear of being ripped to shreds under the public eye. Rin was hesitant however, for one major reason. 

He’d have to move back to Australia if he wanted to swim professionally again.

It was a sickening and gut wrenching thought to dwell on. It sent a cold sweat over his skin and his heart torn in half. But at the same time, for Rin at least, it was an easier decision to make than most.

“I’m refusing the offer.” He told Haru over dinner one night. They’d decided to go out somewhere fancy (ish), just the two of them on a date. Haru’d been acting anxious all day, like he _actually thought_ Rin was going to tell him he was leaving over wine and good food, even if he hadn't eaten a bite of his meal yet. But now Haru’s wide blue eyes were as large as the dinner plates in front of them, his mouth slack and his brows raised in shock.

“You… you are.” Haru stated, but it was more of a confirmation really.

“Yeah, no shit. You’re the entire reason I swim anyways, Haru.” Rin smirked and forked some salmon into his mouth. “It’s not worth it if I can’t be with you.” He chewed noisily. Haru looked down at his own food, guilt seeping into his skin like oil. Rin’s brows furrowed and he swallowed thickly. “Hey, babe, don’t feel shitty about it. I thought I’d hate swimming forever and you brought the fun back for me, that’s good enough.”

“… Fun?” Haru’s head cocked to the side, but the whisperings of a frown were still evident. “How’d I do that?”

Rin swallowed again and set his utensils down for good measure. He stared at the raven evenly, the seriousness in his tone an acclimation to the meaning behind the words.

“You taught me how to live again. I always thought there was more to life but I never really quite got it until I saw you again at the Olympics. I don’t really know how to explain it, but things just feel so much more…” He made a gesture with his hands, not quite sure how to get the point across, something Haru apparently didn’t understand either.

“You’re not making any sense.” Haru pointed out.

“Yeah, well, none of it really makes sense to me. All I know is I’m not fucking leaving you again, Haru. Not for swimming and not for Australia. I’ve done that already and it was a mistake, I know that much for sure and I’m old enough now to make better decisions.” Rin sighed and ducked his head. “I only kept with it for so long because I was inspired by _you_ , I wanted to be more like _you_. Even in Australia, I watched you race all the time on tv. Swimming isn’t worth it if you’re not around, even if I get to race pro again.”

“Rin…”

“I want to support you now, and help you to be the best you can be because I love you, Haru— I love you, and _fuck_ — I’ll never get tired of saying that.” Rin gulped. “So just let me do this, just this once. Okay?”

Haru sighed. “I don’t want to get in the way of your dreams either, your dad—”

“You’re not.” Rin said firmly. “I love swimming, but I love you more. And this is just one of those sacrifices I’m gonna have to make. So don’t you go feeling shitty about it because it’s not your fault, or my fault, it’s just how things worked out. This is _my_ decision.”

Haru watched him for a long time before he nodded slowly in agreement. Rin let out a breath of relief.

“So what about you?” He asked as he picked up his fork and began shovelling food into his mouth again. “You gonna accept?”

Haru sighed through his nose and looked off to the side. “I guess I don’t really have a choice now.”

“Hey, that’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” Haru mumbled. “But I wasn’t going to accept before anyways.”

Rin’s mouth fell open, his fork nearly clattered to the plate but he regained his composure fast enough to keep that from happening. 

_“Why?”_ Was all he could comprehend in his shocked state.

Haru’s ocean eyes were looking back at him. “I couldn’t do it after all.”

Rin was confused as all fuck. “Do… _what?”_

“I couldn’t figure out how to make swimming enjoyable again.” Haru murmured heartbrokenly, his voice trailing off at the end like he almost couldn’t finish that sentence.

"Oh, Haru..."

The raven looked fragile and broken, the facade he tried to keep in place cracking and cracking until Rin could finally see the pain, the anxiety, and the fear underneath. He knew Haru had always had motivation problems with... well, with anything, really. And he knew Haru struggled with anxious tendencies in competing and in social situations. But to see him like this now, to see how deeply this was hurting him physically pained Rin to see. He clasped Haru's hand across the table, seeing large glassy blue eyes flicker about his face.

"Do you... Do you really hate swimming that much?"

Haru's palm sweat on Rin's fingers, but he didn't dare pull away.

"I don't hate it I just feel..." Haru's head lowered, his voice tiny. "I feel lost."

"Lost." Rin frowned around the words, trying to figure out the riddle in his head. "Like you... don't have direction anymore? You don't have any goals or dreams?"

"I don't think I've ever had a dream. At least one that was my own."

"What'd you mean?"

Haru blushed a little, his hand wiggled and readjusted in Rin's grip.

"I think... well, I don't know..."

"No, tell me."

"... I think I only went pro because I knew that's what you wanted to do. I followed your dream because I wanted to see you again, and this was the only thing I could think of where I knew for sure it would happen. The truth is I've never had any goals in my career. I've never cared about results, I worked hard because I wanted you to notice me and to think I was something special." Haru's voice lowered even more, his chin ducking. "You're the reason I practiced everyday."

Rin felt his heart stop.

Haru, his friend, the best swimmer in the world, his first crush, the man he loves, admitted that he only became who he was today because he was driven by the desire to see Rin once more. How could his heart not swell at that thought? How could he stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks, or the laughter that bubbled in his gut? It was ridiculous! Rin had always idolized Haru, and yet here he was, learning that Haru had always done the same.

"Rin...?"

"I'm sorry, sorry." Rin's chuckles died off as he wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand. He noted the confusion written blatantly on Haru's face, and he couldn't contain the grin that breached his lips as he simply stared at his lover.

The rest of their meal returned to their usual banter. A familiar and welcome reaction after the tense conversation before.

And when they finished their meal, waiting for a server to bring the bill, Haru asked what had been weighing heavily on his mind for a long time.

“Hey, Rin.” He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously and looking everywhere _but_ Rin’s face. “Tonight… when we get home…” He trailed off. Rin didn’t understand. Tonight when we get home _what._

He raised a single red brow in question.

Apparently that was all the prodding Haru needed.

“I want you to fuck me.” He said bluntly.

Now it’s a good thing Rin had finished eating, and it was extremely convenient timing that he’d just finished the last of his drink. Because if he had anything in his mouth at that moment he surely would have choked and died.

But Rin, being who he is, still managed to choked on thin air. He coughed and cleared his throat. Then he looked around at the surrounding tables, wondering if any of them had heard their conversation.

“You what?” Rin asked disbelievingly.

“I wanna go all the way tonight.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for that, I mean—”

“‘I’m old enough to make my own decisions.’ You said that earlier, right?” Haru studied him.

Rin narrowed his eyes. “As long as this is for _you_ , not for me.” Rin finally answered. “I know you, Haru.”

His only reply was the slightest of smiles.

The next thirty minutes were the longest of Rin’s life. I mean, seriously. How can Haru stand there like nothing’s changed when moments ago in the restaurant he flat out said ‘I want you to fuck me’.

There was no logic that could comprehend the simplicities of Haru’s mind sometimes.

When they finally made it back to Haru’s apartment, the lights were all off. Makoto must be out.

It was kinda odd. Before when they’d fooled around, Haru’s confidence had slowly been building. He was the one who initiated a lot of the time, and he was the one who never failed to amaze Rin with his quick learning.

But right now, Haru showed none of that confidence. He was as shy and small as their first night together. They walked inside, and Haru led them to his bedroom. It was small, a little cramped. But they’d been in there a lot together. It was something familiar and comfortable for them both. Their own little sanctuary.

Their kiss was deep and slow, unlike the many times before when it had been so heated and needful. It was only when Haru’s cold fingers dipped beneath the hem of Rin’s shirt did he hesitate. If only for an instant.

Rin gripped his wrist. “We don’t have to if you’re not ready.” He watched Haru’s blue eyes freezingly, instating every shred of self control within himself. For Haru. This was all for Haru.

Haru’s raven hair shook in disagreement. “No it’s not that…”

Then Rin dove back in, gasping out against Haru’s lips and cheeks and neck in between littering every inch of his skin with wet kisses. “Then—… what—?”

“Just nervous.” Haru answered through a groan, his hands now pulling at Rin’s shirt with renewed fervour.

“I’ll be careful, babe.” Rin gloated smugly. “We’re gonna take this nice and slow. I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

“Oh _god_ , Rin, no. Please just hurry the fuck up.” His voice coming out a little more desperate than he’d planned.

Rin caught on instantly. “ _Someone’s_ a little excited.” He commented as he stroked Haru through his boxer briefs. He reached over to Haru’s bedside table, finding only condoms in the empty drawer. “Lube?” He asked, his fuzzy brain trying to desperately remember where they’d used it last in the tiny house.

“Under the couch.” Haru said. “The one by the window.”

“That’s oddly specific.”

The raven blushed a deep red, but his eyes remained trained on Rin’s. “I was… using it earlier.”

And like all the times before when Haru had attempted murder on Rin by means of a heart attack, now was yet another time. Because when Rin’s eyes blew wide, his mouth hanging dumbly open, intrigued by the absolute _brilliance_ of Haru’s locked gaze, Rin was sure he’d need an ambulance.

And instead of shying away, Haru did the opposite. Trailing a hand down Rin’s chest to cup his hardness through his pants. Leaning in close until his lips were only a hair’s width from touching the redhead’s. Rin could feel his shaky, hot breath against him. His deft fingers working fucking miracles down below. And those eyes, _those eyes_ that never ceased to amaze him, were boring deep into his own.

“Maybe you won’t even need the lube.” Haru whispered.

And holy _shit_ Rin was proud of himself (in his obviously shocked state) that he didn’t just fuck Haru into the mattress right then and there. One, because he knew that it’d hurt like fuck for Haru, and two, this wasn’t the time or place to let his emotions get the better of him. This was all for Haru. All for Haru…

“Maybe.” Rin’s lips quivered with strain. “But now I’m gonna make you squirm before I fuck you.” He attempted a smirk. “As punishment.”

“Doesn’t sound like punishment to me.” Haru grinned darkly.

And with a final kiss, Rin strode back towards the bedroom door. Slipping through it as he nearly sprinted to the living room by the front entrance.

But he froze in place when he saw the front door of the apartment hastily open, the yellow lighting from the hallways procuring flailing limbs and a pair of needful bodies from behind. The pair paid no attention to Rin awkwardly standing there at first. In the darkness it was difficult to make out specifics. 

That was until he caught a pair of familiar vibrant teal eyes.

Sosuke smirked, his head falling back as Makoto pinned him up against the backside of the door. His hands slipping under the green fabric of his shirt and pushing it up to expose Makoto’s rippling shoulders. His narrowed eyes trained on Rin’s with spiteful vengeance.

Makoto evidently hadn’t noticed Rin yet, as frozen to the spot as he was in silent shock.

“I… I think my roommate’s home.” Makoto obliviously groaned out into Sosuke’s neck. His room was right next to the front entrance, and he was already swiftly guiding the darker haired man back into its depths.

One of Sosuke’s hands stuffed itself down the back of Makoto’s pants, gripping his ass firmly. With a sneer, his eyes glowed at Rin in the darkness before they disappeared completely from view.

“Let’s give him a show then.”

The door shut heavily behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh spaghettioooo pt 2  
> Cockblock supreme  
> They just cant catch a break from Sosuke can they?  
> Also SoMako is the surprise pairing if you hadn't guessed already!!!
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pankmemes)
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (Ninjas and shit, i think)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Sets on the beach)  
> 


	11. The First Dance

“Fuck.” Haru heard Rin curse from the opening in the doorway.

His body was frozen, the voices of his roommate and Sosuke horrifyingly echoed through the dark apartment like a scream in the night. And he knew Rin was still out in the living room, alone.

With his previous excitement fading, Haru pulled on a hoodie and some sweatpants, grabbing an extra pair and a long sleeve for Rin and handing them to him when Rin reappeared from the hallway, a bottle of lube in hand.

“Change of plans.” Haru murmured as he helped Rin into his long sleeve and kicked on a stray pair of sliders. “We’re going for a walk.”

The redhead just nodded numbly.

Haru had never loathed the thin walls of his apartment as much as he did now, especially when the pair walked past Makoto’s door to get to the front entrance. Those two were so _vocal_ it was almost kind of disturbing… well actually it was quite disturbing, especially as a third party.While Rin and Haru were so endearing and personable when they did stuff, these two were feral and animalistic, like they were actually _trying_ to uphold their promise of ‘giving Haru a show’. Which now he knew, they definitely were.

When the door shut behind, Haru laced his fingers with Rin, promptly pulling him to the elevator and taking it to the bottom floor. It was late, and the outside world was dark and starless above the endless light of Tokyo’s buildings. The cold breeze shot straight through his hoodie, and Haru suppressed his shivers in favour of leading Rin as far away from their apartment complex as possible. There was a park nearby with benches and fountains a few blocks away. It’ll do.

It wasn’t until they’d nestled themselves down at a picnic table next to a streetlamp that Haru finally pried Rin’s white-knuckled death grip off his hand. But he wasn’t going to be tender, because _fuck that_. Haru was pissed, and he was finally getting to the bottom of this whether Rin wanted it or not.

“You still have feelings for Sosuke.” Haru dared, turning his head to study the streetlamp to the left. “Don’t you.”

In reality, he knew he was spitting lies at the redhead. Unintentionally furious, and sending his anger through the first funnel he could think of. He knew Rin loved him, he knew getting mad was a mistake. But he couldn’t deny the thought of Rin’s residing feelings for Sosuke had always been a point of insecurity for him, and so perhaps his anger wasn’t as farfetched as he’d thought.

Rin blinked, his blank face now twisting with emotion. “What the fuck, are you shitting me? Now’s not really—”

“It _is._ Because holy shit Rin what am I supposed to think when you freak out whenever Sosuke gets involved with something.”

Rin glared murderously. “‘Gets involved’ meaning fucking _your_ best friend out of vengeance?” He scoffed. “Yeah I think I’d be a little surprised at that, seeing as _—”_

“I don’t want your excuses, just answer me… _please.”_ Haru crossed his arms. “I have the right to know.” He said quieter.

This quelled Rin’s flare of anger, if only slightly. His hair stopped standing on end, his face turned a lesser shade of red, and his eyes softened.

“You tell me, Haru.”

Haru sighed. “Okay, but—”

“You _know_ me, Haru! What’ve I been telling you all this time, do you seriously still not believe it?” Rin asked incredulously, throwing his hands in the air. “I don’t give a shit about Sosuke like that anymore, alright? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“I just want the _truth—”_

“Right, because this whole time I’ve obviously _only_ been trying to get in your pants.” Rin growled angrily. “You really need to stop freaking out about him, it’s not fair on anyone. I have a past, that’s just a fact! And look, I obviously don’t want him anymore so what’s the big deal— why can’t you just let this shit go?” He took a deep breath when Haru didn’t respond, folding his hands across his chest to mimic the raven. He puffed, rolling his eyes and slouching his shoulders. “Those fuckers just totally ruined the mood tonight, that’s all.”

Haru scoffed in agreement, the tensed muscles in his jaw and forehead relaxing at the comment.

Rin sighed. “And, look, I’m sorry I’ve been weird around Sosuke. It’s not what you think, it’s just…”

Haru glared, finally looking the redhead in the eye. Rin ducked his head as he spoke.

“When I moved to Australia, I didn’t have anyone… okay?” Rin said, quiet but defensively. He looked small and fragile, hurt and vulnerable. Haru’s heart reactively lurched. “I was so alone, and Sosuke was something familiar when he came. I think I mixed up my attraction for him with my feelings for you, and shit just got really confusing when I was with him. ‘Cause something always felt off, you know.” Rin shook his head, laughing lightly under his breath. “I thought I was going crazy, like maybe I wasn’t actually attracted to guys or maybe the sex just wasn’t right… Like, I started questioning myself and everything I thought I knew about myself when I was with him. We were so close, we were the best of friends. And I had no idea our feelings for each other were so… different.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s really fucking hard to have someone be in your life for so long only to be ripped out of it. And yeah, sure, that was my fault for ending things poorly, but at the same time, _things needed to end_. Because I love _you_ , Haru, and that fact will _never_ change. And yeah, Sosuke’s being an asshole and I’m being pussy for not confronting him about it. It’s weird seeing him with another guy, but I don’t feel jealous or anything. Just disturbed, really.” He smirked, the humour finally reaching his eyes once again. “Like what the fuck if I sound like Makoto when I’m having sex just save me the effort and suffocate me with a pillow, will you?”

Haru smiled a bit at that.

“But mostly I’m sorry you had doubts… about me. ‘Cause you shouldn’t, I’m just a _fucking idiot—”_

Haru decided his lips were of better use to Rin than his words at this moment, so he kissed him. Softly and delicately. Leaning across the table and cupping the base of Rin’s skull with one hand.

“Just... It's okay, I understand. I guess I was just, you know, putting ideas in my head...” Haru mumbled, his eyes drifting down to the side in embarrassment. "I didn't mean it, I was just..." Just what? Just mad? Haru shouldn't have had to force that out of Rin just because he was _mad._ Haru felt guilty. And maybe a little sick to his stomach. And yet, just like every other time in his life when Haru had resorted to his social incapabilities, Rin only smiled. He looked over at Haru like the light at the end of the tunnel, with joy and relief and Haru didn't understand any of it. Why, why was Rin always okay with Haru making mistakes?

He hovered, his lips shivering as Rin spoke softly, almost a whisper.

"I know."

Haru's bit his bottom lip to keep it still. He went to sit beside Rin, and when he did, Haru just wrapped his arms around Rin’s torso and squeezed him. Apparently with more force than he meant to since Rin was gasping a little harder for air than was usual.

“I’m sorry, Rin.” Haru whispered, so quietly it was barely audible. And Rin didn’t have the greatest hearing with how loudly he listened to music all the time.

“Huh?”

“I just said… I wish we could’ve kept going, before… you know.” Haru buried his heated face in Rin’s collar.

“Same.” Haru felt a kiss placed on his crown. “I mean, we _could_ … right here. But you know—”

Haru batted him playfully. “Gross.”

“Pf it’s not gross, who’s gonna see anyways.” Rin teased and Haru hid his smile.

“I’m _not_ losing my butt virginity in a dirty park in the middle of the night, you _asshole_.” Haru answered. “Besides. No lube.”

“No lube, you say?” Rin stuffed his hand in his sweatpants pocket, procuring a small bottle with a devious smirk settled on his face.

Haru’s eyes widened. “I said _no.”_

They decided on spending the night at Rin’s dorm room instead, their prayers answered when they found his roommate gone for the night.

“Maybe he’ll come back?” Haru asked anxiously from the doorway as Rin flopped face first onto his bed.

“Nah, he’s off with his fuck buddy, probably. Those two have been going like rabbits for the last, like, few weeks now. It’s fucking annoying man.” Rin shuddered. “Especially when I just wanna sleep and they think they’re being ‘sneaky’.”

Haru closed the door and locked it. He rested his forehead against the wood with a _clunk_. His back to Rin.

“Are you like… mad that we haven’t gone all the way yet?” Haru questioned bravely. “I know it’s kinda weird or whatever… most guys are dying for sex and I’m… I’m just nervous.”

He heard Rin shift around on the bed behind him. “I mean, I want to, yeah, but at the same time I’m not gonna rush you into anything.” Haru could practically _hear_ him smirk. “Like I said earlier, I wanna take you _nice and slow.”_

“You’re so horny, you perv.”

Rin hummed and Haru was oddly aware of his red eyes running up and down the course of his body. 

“Is… Is having sex with me something you actually want?” Rin’s deep voice broke the silence, and even though Haru wasn’t facing him, he could practically hear the worried thoughts buzzing around in his head.

As if to answer, Haru looped a thumb under the elastic of his sweatpants, and pushed them down to his knees. Slowly. Tauntingly. He stepped out of them, one graceful foot at a time.

“I thought— After we—” He heard Rin’s voice shake.

Haru laughed lightly, not showing the nervousness of his pounding heart. His large hoodie skirted just above the bottom of his ass. The air was cool and he instinctively sucked in a sharp breath at the exposure. With a tentative hand, he ran his fingers up the back of one thigh, stopping to cup and lightly squeeze the soft flesh of his own ass, partially hidden by the fabric of his hoodie. He’d made a mistake before, letting Rin believe it was his own fault for Haru’s insecurity. He wanted to prove he knew Rin only had eyes for him once and for all. Because surely Rin wasn’t looking away now.

“I said no sex at the park.” Haru teased, closing his eyes to refrain from looking back at his boyfriend. “Don’t you remember our coach’s talk with us about public sex?”

_“God_ , shit, Haru don’t talk about him while I’m… you’re gonna make me sick.”

Haru brushed the bottom of his hoodie up his lower back, exposing more skin. He clicked his tongue. 

“We can’t have that happening, after all I’m not done with you tonight.” Haru hummed. “I said I wanted to go all the way at dinner, remember? I intend to keep my promise.”

He pulled the bunched fabric over his ears, and dropped the article to the floor. His arms wanted desperately to wrap around his own stomach, chest, and groin, covering himself from the exposure. But he forced his hands instead to trail up the length of his body, swivelling his hips in minuscule motions when one curved over the round of his ass. Rin’s voice deepened as he stuttered.

“F-Fuck, you’re _so hot.”_

Haru very nearly froze at the sheer raggedness of his boyfriend’s voice before looking over his shoulder. But he did, and what he saw was the single most erotic sight he’d ever seen in his life. Rin was stretched out on his bed, one hand resting behind his head. His sweatpants were pushed below his groin, and his hand pumped himself slowly to hardness as his eyes roved over Haru’s bare skin.

It seemed weird, that despite being under the full intensity of Rin’s superheated gaze, Haru felt his desire to cover himself up completely burned away. Even with every inch of himself on display, with no barriers or walls to put up, Haru was entirely at ease. He supposed it was because it was _Rin_ who was with him, after all. But it still was strange to Haru himself, who had always been so private and shy, that he was able to hold Rin’s gaze without a shred of embarrassment. And instead, shocked by his own increasing confidence, to be able to play Rin at his own game and tease him.

“Your turn.” Haru smirked, making no move to walk over to the bed.

Rin visibly gulped. He removed his hand from his length, pushing himself to his feet and tore the sweatpants from his body. He pulled at the back of his shirt, flinging it over his head and dropping it to the floor with a surprisingly warm smile.

“You’re a lot better at this than me.” Rin gestured to the clothes on the floor.

Haru’s voice came out slightly breathless, and rather deeper than he remembered. “I don’t know about that.”

Colour rose into Rin’s cheeks, a faded red that matched his hair and dark eyes perfectly. But Haru’s gaze roved lower. Down the cords of Rin’s neck to the thick muscles above his shoulders. Along the defined bumps and flawless ridges of his pecs and abdomen. Studying the deeply lined v-shape trailing down to his groin. His dark dolphin tattoo. And his length that bobbed near his belly, hard and curved.

“You’re…” Haru licked his lips, his dry throat refusing to obey him. “You’re amazing.”

And he was. He was sculpted and defined like a living, breathing marble statue. Looking like something right out of Haru’s deepest and darkest fantasy as he smiled and blushed from across the room.

“C’mere.” Rin growled. His eyes glinted dangerously, contrasting magnificently with the inviting smile pulling at his lips. Haru strode the few steps separating them, immediately melting into Rin’s strong chest as arms encircled his shoulders. He was looking up into Rin’s eyes, their noses touching, their breaths mingling, and their lips only centimetres apart. He ran his fingers up the length of Rin’s neck, cupping at the base of his skull and closing his eyes with a gasp when Rin shifted forwards. Their lengths pressed harshly together, applying sweet friction that stunted Haru’s breathing. He nudged the bridge of Rin’s nose. A warm hand wrapped around their lengths. He bowed his back, their chests pressed flush. And looking up into the redhead’s fiery eyes, Haru finally connected their lips.

Their kiss was heated and needful, but filled with emotion and deep desire. Their yearning for each other coming through as a dance. A tongue slotted in his mouth, playfully coaxing Haru’s reciprocation. Rin tasted like mint and spice and something distinctly _Rin_ that had Haru’s hardness twitching when the redhead crushed their mouths together harder, removing every last centimetre of distance between them. His hands mussed up into Rin’s long hair. His hips thrusting slightly as Rin pumped his hand.

They separated their kiss to inhale sharply, Rin immediately making work of Haru’s neck. Biting, sucking, teasing the skin as he could feel more and more irritation to his flesh cause wet, red bruises to bloom. Haru gasped, a hand coming down to their groins to wrap around Rin’s fingers, applying more pressure to both of them. The redhead groaned under his ear.

“Oh _god,_ Rin.” Haru panted, his chin tilting away to give Rin more room around his adam’s apple. A sharp nip was his response. “I want you, I want— _ah!”_ He chanted shamelessly.

The teasing down his neck was continued along his collarbone. Rin raised his lips off Haru’s skin to breathlessly growl out against his chest.

_“Nice and slow_ , Haru.” He chuckled. “I’m gonna remember this for the rest of my life, so we’re gonna take our time, okay?”

Haru nodded, but with Rin suckling along his chest he wasn’t sure if the memo got across.

Rin’s hand was still pumping them together, Haru’s fingers squeezing over his whenever they moved over their slick heads. Haru rutted forward, a scream hanging in the base of his throat when Rin’s teeth moved to nibble up on his earlobe.

“Ohhh…” Haru sighed out. He detached his fingers from Rin’s hair and slid down the front of Rin’s chest appreciatively. Stopping when his thumb came in contact with a single soft nipple.

Rin thrust into Haru harshly, knocking their bodies together. His mouth returned to Haru’s, lips wet and tongues dancing. 

And then Rin’s hands were leaving his body, their lengths left hard and bobbing. The redhead’s warm hands wrapped themselves about Haru’s hips, sliding down in sync to grip at his ass cheeks, then slotting under his thighs. Haru moaned into Rin’s mouth as strong arms lifted him up. He wrapped his legs around Rin’s waist.

Those arms, the same ones that so effortlessly threw him into that pool so many weeks ago, now effortlessly laid him down onto the mattress. Soft and gentle, like Rin were carrying a sleeping baby. One arm remained under Haru’s arching lower back as Rin settled his weight on top of the raven. Their searing lengths connecting once again, like lost lovers, as Rin ground powerfully into Haru with achingly slow presses.

“Hhng! _Rin!”_ Haru pitched, his mouth only disengaging from the kiss to scream out in pleasure.

“You’re… _ah_ … incredible, Haru.” Rin’s lips tickled Haru’s temple, where they placed a tender kiss. He paused his grinding only briefly, giving Haru a chance to catch his breath and rub at the sweat on his brow as Rin leaned over him, fumbling in the drawer beside his bed. Then he was kissing him again, eating him alive like a starved animal. Growling into Haru’s mouth when he thrust down on him particularly hard. And he had Haru whimpering, whining as he tried to meet him halfway. They were both so hard, their heated lengths leaving slick impressions on each other as precum pooled onto Haru’s stomach.

Rin sat up on his haunches and Haru’s feet dropped to the bedsheets on either side of him. Haru closed his eyes, panting as his lungs demanded breath, and licking his swollen lips. When he opened his eyes to glance up at the redhead, he saw Rin giving a hard shake to a bottle of lube to get the remaining substance to the opening. Then he was pouring some onto his fingers (probably more than was necessary, really) and his slick hand was rubbing between Haru’s cheeks. His fingers teased the skin around his entrance and Haru hitched at the cold. Rin’s eyes remained unmoving from Haru’s face. He leaned forward, pressing their lips together as he pushed a first finger into Haru.

“Are you okay?”

Haru nodded. “Yeah.”

Rin returned his smile, albeit a little wary. “You’re doing amazing, you know.”

Haru licked his lips. “You’re not bad yourself.”

And Rin laughed at that, burying his face into Haru’s neck and smiling against his skin. When he finally recovered, a deep chuckle rumbling from his chest and a grin spread from ear to ear, Rin kissed Haru on the cheek. Haru’s heart hammered in his throat.

“It feels good.” Haru whispered, closing his eyelids and melting into the bedsheets. The burn was welcome, it promised more to come.

“Alright.”

His fingers made obscene gushing sounds as they moved in and out of Haru, stretching him as another joined the first. The burn was nice, but Rin expertly made it fade as he’d rub against Haru’s prostate every few strokes. Haru moaned, deep and loud. The sound ripping from his throat like a bandaid off skin. Rin gave special attention to his face, littering it with gentle kisses. Suckling on his earlobe and his jawbone. Haru’s hands spasmed around Rin’s bicep.

Rin’s breath caught in his throat and he gulped thickly, audibly.

“You’re so beautiful, Haru. You’re perfect, you’re everything. I… jesus fuck…babe, I…”

He wrapped his ankles about Rin’s waist, pulling him forward until the redhead was pressed flush against the length of Haru’s body. Rin’s fingers retreated from his entrance, and Haru felt so suddenly and entirely empty it was almost uncomfortable.

“Rin, I want this. I want us to be together.” Haru whispered slowly, tenderly. He caught Rin’s eyes as the redhead rose to look up at him. He could see the deep emotion there, the years of wanting and loving and fearful unknowing that had led them to this moment. He could see the hesitance, he could see the vulnerability. Rin, who had always been so strong, was realizing that the emotional sensation was just too much to keep contained. And Haru smiled up at him, knowing the full extent of Rin’s love for him, and his own love for Rin.

“I want _you_.” Haru exclaimed clearly, watching as the emotion in his partner’s eyes flooded withtears. To drive the point home Haru grabbed the foil covered condom laying beside his head. He tore the top with his teeth, leaning up on one elbow to roll it out over Rin’s heavy length. Rin was frozen to the spot, watching Haru like a cat eyeing a mouse. Taking in his every move like he were studying it. Admiring him like he was his whole world.

And so Haru looked up into his eyes, pressing a searing kiss to his lips. Open and honest. Giving all of himself to the redhead in return. With his barriers gone and his walls brought crumbling down, Haru knew that someone as special as Rin, who could look at him, knowing _all_ of him, and still love him as Rin did was someone Haru wanted to spend his life with. He was once again hit with the prospect that Rin was his world. That he was so grateful for having seen him again. That they even had the chance to be together like this at all.

“I love you, you know.”

Rin blinked. “You…”

“I love you, Rin.” Haru reassured.

It should seem obvious by now, but Haru knew he wasn’t good with social things. Had he ever even said that to Rin before? He knew he thought it, and he definitely knew he felt it. But saying it aloud gave it a whole new meaning. And that was proven, clear as day, when in a split second, Rin’s blank, confused face went from emotionless to delirious. His eyes crinkled at the corners, a wide smile brimmed across his cheeks, and tears welled up like a dam threatening to blow.

“I know.” Rin said.

Haru chuckled, not small and shy, but joyous with alleviation. Rin’s nose prodding his cheek as he leaned down, Haru met him halfway, a smile on his lips. The soft caress of their kiss. The wetness of Rin’s eyelashes. The bubbles in Haru’s chest.

Rin sat back on his haunches again, pulling himself from Haru’s grabby hands as he popped the cap of the lube once again. Pouring excessively onto his fingers and rubbing his aching hardness until the outside was coated with a layer of slick. Haru took a deep breath.

Rin looked up at him, Haru’s legs opening wider to accommodate.

Then Rin connected their bodies. His length pushing inside of Haru like a key to a lock. And _holy fuck_ Rin was _inside_ of him. Rin was _inside of him_. His length, hot and huge, felt all-consuming as he bottomed out. Rin’s panting navel pressed against Haru’s balls. His erection pulsed inside. Haru couldn’t breathe. He felt stretched beyond belief.

Rin wasn’t moving, but he was groaning and panting above him. His maroon hair fell to cover his closed eyes and his breath shook through his nostrils.

Haru’s mouth hung open in a silent scream. His lungs gasping for breath but unable to take any in. His wide eyes seeing nothing and everything all at once. He shifted his hips to confirm that yup, that was a dick inside of him.

Rin was the first to recover, running a hand up Haru’s torso in a soothing movement. He leaned forward to kiss him, and Haru gasped, feeling Rin’s body shift within.

“Holy _fuck,_ Rin!” Haru belatedly managed after a minute of panting silence.

Rin chuckled. He pressed a wet kiss to Haru’s cheek.

“You okay?”

“I have a _fucking dick inside_ of me, give me a moment.” Haru’s eyelashes fluttered. Rin chuckled again.

He groaned throatily. “You feel _so fucking good_.” Another kiss to Haru’s temple. “I’m gonna make you _love it,_ baby. It’ll get better, I promise, I promise.” A kiss to his forehead.

“Shit, shit…” Haru cursed as he circled his hips around. Rin laced their hands together on either side of Haru’s head. He pressed a kiss to the bridge of his nose.

“Just fucking move, I’m gonna die if you don’t fucking—”

And move, he did. Haru could _feel_ it, like every thought in his brain was wired to the immeasurable sensitivity surrounding Rin pulling out of him. It was like he was being emptied off all his organs, and when Rin thrust back in, gently and slowly, Haru felt like he’d been skewered by a fencepost. Indescribable pain flitted over his eyes in his body’s attempt to tell him something was wrong. But it wasn’t wrong. In fact it was so incredibly _right_ that Haru found himself adopting the pain as pleasure waved through his body as though hit by a tsunami. Because as Rin thrust against his prostate, over and over, gently and slowly, Haru found himself unwinding completely. Where he’d been tense before, his body rag-dolled along with Rin’s movements. His half-lidded eyes trained on Rin’s face like it was the last thing he’d see in this world. He vaguely heard sound, moans and groans and everything in between echoing around the room from every direction. He saw Rin’s face, his lips quirked in concentration, murmuring to himself. And his fiery red eyes flooded with the reflection of blue. Haru realized their hands were still linked together, and he squeezed down on Rin’s fingers like his life depended on it.

“I love you, I love you…” The words fell from Rin’s lips like a chant, and Haru leaned up to catch them on his own tongue, to try them for himself. And how sweet they tasted, Rin’s tongue in his mouth and his lips against his own. How warm and full and satisfying they were in that moment of bliss. With Rin rocking into him, his mind numb and overloaded at the same time. Rin’s responsive fingers that gripped his own with force. Haru could feel him thrusting in and out, in and out. Gentle and slow.

And. Just. _Perfect._

His untouched length twitched, hard and red between their navels. Slathering both boys with precum. But neither noticed much, especially when Rin shifted his hips, hitting a new angle inside that targeted Haru’s prostate with such deadly accuracy it should’ve been considered murder.

Haru cried out, his fingers gripping Rin tighter and his hooked ankles digging into Rin’s back in an attempt to drive him deeper.

“Faster.” Haru clamoured, but his voice came out dripping with molten need. _“C’mon,_ Rin.”

While the gentle pace had been nice before, Rin’s insistency to course wave after wave of pleasure through every nerve in Haru’s body was beginning to build on him. The heat in his groin and the telltale coil down low told him as much. This felt _good_. And it was starting to feel like Haru would die if he didn’t get more of it. Rin thrust faster and shallower, his length sinking and resurfacing from the tight confines of Haru’s ass so quickly Haru could feel his body being pushed up the bed.

The lewd slap of flesh on flesh accompanied their groans like different instruments of an orchestra, and Haru was starting to become more well accustomed to its song. With every thrust in by Rin, Haru would meet him halfway. With every word on Rin’s lips, he would taste them for himself. And the springy creak of the bed and the slam of the headboard and the slick of too much lube, it all filled his ears like his new favourite song, filling him with warmth and excitement with every new note.

He felt like he was high, or something. How every new sensation seemed like he were in a dream, yet also so utterly real it was almost scary. How despite him and Rin never have done this with each other before, everything flowed seamlessly. Like they already knew exactly what the other liked.

Haru suckled on the cords along Rin’s taut neck, leaving an army of angry red bruises in his wake. It felt like a statement, like he was animalistically claiming Rin as his own, and for some reason that excited him.

Rin pried his hands from Haru’s fingers and steadily pumped his length in time with the thrusts entering his body. The other hand tickled Haru’s temple as Rin cradled his face. His red eyes were as warm as a sunny day, shining with so much emotion Haru thought he’d go blind for staring for too long. It was a risk he was willing to take, however.

Haru’s hands dug red lines into Rin’s powerful shoulders. His body was hot and overbearing as the coil of heat washed over Haru in titanic waves. His eyes trained on Rin’s face as he came, his name spilling from his lips. Rin was shaking too, his body sporadic above Haru’s, thrusting almost painfully against Haru’s ass a few more times before slowing down, breathing hard. Haru lost his breath as Rin collapsed on top of him, maroon hair splaying across his cheek. Rin’s heavy heartbeat beating in sync with Haru’s. He closed his eyes.

The sting of Rin removing himself from Haru would’ve alerted him more if it wasn’t for the distraction of tender kisses planted along his jawbone. Haru hummed in contentment and the next kiss against his cheek was in the shape of a smile.

“You’re beautiful, Haruka Nanase.” Rin whispered against his temple. “I’ve always thought that, since the moment we met.”

Haru hummed again in response, turning to nuzzle more into Rin’s touch.

Rin cradled his face. “I don’t even remember when I started loving you.”

Haru opened his eyes then, looking up to see Rin’s adam’s apple bobbing next to him as another kiss was placed on his eyebrow.

“It was always you, though. Always, always…”

He pulled Rin close to him, shifting the redhead down onto his side so they could look at one another fully. Rin's eyes were blown wide, a happy little smile on his lips as his gaze roved languidly over Haru's face. Haru scooted closer, and with one hand he traced the skin over Rin's chest, finally placing his palm over Rin's heart gently.

“I remember when I fell in love with you.” Haru replied and Rin’s eyes widened fractionally. 

"Do you?"

"Mn." A gentle hand worked up and down Haru’s spine and he closed his eyes in response. 

"Tell me."

“I was nine, and this new boy had just moved to town.” He began, peering through long eyelashes playfully to see Rin smirking a little at him. “He was loud, but friendly. Bright red eyes that caught my attention instantly. I remember he stood at the front of the class, saying he was going to be an Olympic swimmer someday… I thought he was crazy, even more so when I got to know him. It was the first day we swam together that I fell in love. Something about his passion and grit that made me admire him, and his love for swimming that made me believe that, somehow, he was special. He was… everything I lacked, and everything I wanted. I always wanted to be more like him, and make him notice me. We became friends, swam relays together, played at the beach… It was the second best time in my life.”

Rin quirked an eyebrow, a wide smile reflecting on Haru. “Only the second best, huh.”

“Hm.” Haru’s palm ran from Rin’s ribcage to his hip and back up, pinching his skin lightly when Rin snorted at him. “I can think of another time that might trump it.”

“That good?” Rin teased and Haru rolled his eyes.

“You better be prepared to be worshipped like a prince now, cause I’m never letting you leave again.” Haru mumbled into the bedsheets, eyes curiously watching Rin’s reaction. But Rin just smiled over at him, the hand along Haru’s spine coming down to squeeze his ass flirtatiously.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Rin sighed, his eyes softening as they darted over the raven’s face. “God, are you _even fucking real?”_

Haru pushed forward, placing the gentlest of kisses to Rin’s lips. “Do I seem real?”

Ironically it still didn’t seem real to Haru, that all of this had happened. That after years and years of thinking his stupid childhood crush was unrequited, believing all this time that it would never amount to anything, he had finally proven himself wrong. Although their reunion could’ve been under better circumstances, and despite the sheer dumb luck of being accepted to the same school for whatever reason, call it fate, Haru knew they’d always end up together. How could they not? Yet, Rin still exacted what Haru had been thinking.

“I must just be dreaming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling that they might like each other... not sure tho
> 
> Just a heads up the next chapter will be posted feb 23, not next week on feb 16!!! I got an essay to write !!  
> 1 chapter left + an epilogue! woohoo!
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (Naruto's not as straight as he thinks)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Iwaizumi's not as straight as he thinks)  
> 


	12. Us

This had become their norm; casual touches and loving kisses. The passion that eats them alive when they have nothing but an empty room and all the time in the world. Training and homework and sleeping and eating. Together. Rin had never been happier in his life.

He’d finally found him, after years of confusion and worry and seeking. Haru, the love of his life, had blown like a hurricane onto an unsuspecting Rin, all raw beauty and innocent curiosity that sent his heart aflutter. He liked to show him, as often as he could, how much the raven meant to him. Haru had changed him, filled his shallow heart with such trust and love that Rin didn’t know how else to repay him other than by giving his own in return. The kisses in public. The holding hands and gentle touches. The soft spoken words late at night with no one else around. Haru had made him less calloused, less cold. He’d shown him kindness and it was like Rin discovered fire. But instead of burning him, that fire melted his very heart.

He loved Haru, with everything he had. He loved him fiercely and fully. Drawing Haru from his quiet shell and helping him approach the world more bravely. Which was exactly the case as Haru gradually began to let go of his anxiety, finding special comfort in Rin’s presence and learning to be okay without it. Rin was proud of him, watching him blossom fully, seeing how others reacted to Haru smiling and laughing rather than shying away from conversation.

It seemed like only yesterday when he'd first seen that smile for himself a few short months ago. When he walked onto the school pool deck to see his lifelong crush once again blind him with emotion. When they'd frozen in time during the Olympic final... When they were together, life just seemed to move that much faster, it just seemed that much more enjoyable. And before  they knew it, the school semester was breezing passed. Midterms and finals came and went, competitions happened and were won, practices were attending, coffee dates held, and the whirlwind of life that had been passing by so quick came to a waltz as Christmas drew near. The pair returned to Iwatobi for the holiday, where the family event had suddenly and exponentially grown in size. Haru’s parents, who were usually so reserved and conservative, had actually planned with Rin’s hyperactive mom and sister to have a joint celebration. At the expense of Rin and Haru’s pride, naturally.

Gou loved Haru instantly, her eyes turning to hearts the moment they stepped in the door, examining Haru like a particularly interesting piece of art and dubbing him the epitome of human beauty. Evidently Rin’s good eye ran in the family.

Haru was awkward at times but his mother instantly loved him, listening with interest even with Haru’s limited word count whenever people pressed him about his swimming. ' I only swim free' came up more than once.

There were distant relatives that came as well; grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles. But the ones Rin knew he really needed to make an impression on were two very unique individuals to Haru’s life. He was initially a bit intimidated by Haru’s parents, even though he knew them as a child. Maybe it had something to do with ‘yes, I’m the one fucking your son and by the way the food is delicious Mrs. N’ that threw him for a loop. His mother may have continued to eye him skeptically for a few days, but Haru’s dad warmed up to him quickly with a hard slap on the back, powerful enough for Rin to nearly cough his lungs out at the hidden strength.

“He’s such a nice boy, Rin.” Rin’s mother elbowed him as she settled down on the couch one evening. The party was continuing on around them, Rin put his arm around his mother’s shoulders.

“You like him?”

“Oh, I love him. He’s everything you said and more… Such a kind boy, and so polite, too. I’m very proud of you.”

“Thanks mom.”

The pair looked over to Haru who was by the kitchen talking with a very flustered and animated Gou. They laughed.

“Your sister likes him too, I think.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not in the habit of sharing.” Rin smirked. He sighed, his brows pinching when his mother asked what was wrong. “You really loved dad, didn’t you?”

His mother looked worried as she spoke. “Yes of course. What’s this about, Rin?”

Rin gulped. “Well… I mean I just feel like I’ve failed him. His dream was always to go to the Olympics, and I did it for him because he never got the chance. But I screwed up. I couldn’t win for him, even though I made it that far.”

Rin’s mother patted his thigh with one hand. “Oh, my baby. He’d be proud of you, yes, of course. But I know what would make him happiest is that you were achieving your own dreams, rather than chasing his. You made it to the Olympics not because of him, or me, or anyone else. You made it because you love swimming and because you worked really hard, and that’s something to be proud of.”

“But I was disqualified—”

“I don’t care about what happened, the result isn’t important! And besides, dear, can you honestly say you’re upset about what came out of it?” She smiled knowingly, her eyes tilting towards Haru across the room. “You’ve done some amazing things with your life, Rin. Your hard work has finally paid off, and I hope you can learn to accept your achievements with pride. I will always support you and love you, but it’s time to go find some _dreams of your own_ and chase them.”

“I don't... I will.”

Rin looked over at Haru, a smile on his lips when Haru’s endless eyes turned to meet his. Haru mouthed something at him, probably a plea for help, and Rin laughed a little as he raised a brow in mock-confusion.

‘I don’t know what you’re saying!’ Rin mouthed back with a shrug, and the look Haru gave him was borderline menacing.

What Rin didn’t see was the way his mom looked at him in that moment. The way she smiled as she saw the unbridled happiness that made her son’s skin glow. His smile that she’d so rarely seen during all their facetime calls when he lived in Australia. That same happiness that had been gone for years when he spent everyday training himself to death. 

Rin felt a kiss placed on his cheek. “I love you, sweetie.”

As the boys were drifting off to sleep that night, Haru’s voice piped up a little louder than he’d expected in the silence, obviously hinting that the raven was still thinking and very much wide awake. His head was tucked under Haru's chin, his arm looped over the raven's tapered waist. Haru was drawing patterns along his spine.

“Can I tell you a secret, Rin?” He’d asked. Rin replied with a grunt, waking up slowly from his half-asleep stupor. “I like you. Like, really, really like you.”

Rin laughed a little at that. “Do you now?” He mused, eyes still shut.

Haru hummed in response, his delicate fingers continuing the soothing movement on his shoulder now.

“Then can I tell you a secret?” Rin’s voice was rough with sleep, but Haru stayed quiet as he waited. “I really, really like you too.”

If he opened his eyes and looked up, he could’ve sworn Haru was blushing scarlet.

They had ten days left of winter break before school started again, and the two decidedly spent it at the comforts home provided rather than cooped in their rooms in the city. They still had training to complete over the break, mostly running and a daily trip to the public pool for hours of laps and peer-assessed technique work. However, that proved especially difficult when there were virtually no mistakes with either of them to correct. On the fifth day they were home, the day after Christmas and the morning after an eventful night in bed together, Haru refused to get up. Rin was already dressed, had eaten, brushed his teeth, and checked his social media platforms, ready to leave for their morning training together, when he finally decided that something was wrong. When he went back up into Haru's room, Haru himself was still curled up in his duvet, awake.

"What's wrong? This... isn't like you, I'm worried."

"I'm fine."

"No you're clearly not." Rin sighed as he perched on the edge of the mattress.  He lay his head on Haru's pillow so their noses were mere centimetres apart. Rin made a face. Haru scowled and turned over.  "Was the sex really that bad last night?" Rin joked.

Haru sighed.

"Oh my god, are you serious?"

"No, Rin, geez."

"What's up, then?"

"I'm not going to swim anymore."

"Okay, grumpy-pants. And why not?"

At that Haru sat up in bed quickly, eyes alight with a burning flame of rage. _"Grumpy-pants?"_ He sneered. Rin backed off.

"Hey, hey, I didn't mean to make you upset, alright?" He put his hands up. "C'mon, tell me what's going on." He prodded gently.

Haru's brief stint of emotion faded nearly as quickly as it came on. He sat hunched in bed, looking rather lifeless and heartbroken. Concerned, Rin pulled him close.

"Haru... what happened?"

"I'm just... I can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Swimming, training... it's sucking the joy out of it for me."

With a hiccup and a sob Haru's face was being buried in Rin's shoulder, his arms wrapping a little tighter.

"It's really that bad, huh?"

Haru nodded, another sob.

"We're gonna figure this out, okay? Let's figure this out."

"I don't-- know if I-- want to anym-- more."

"Hey, shh, it's okay..."

Mumbling idly, Rin pulled them both down onto the pillows, cradling Haru while he wept and shivered. Eventually Haru calmed down, his cheeks stained with streaks of red that he rubbed at every so often. When he tried to give him a tiny kiss on the lips, Haru jerked away and hid his face again.

"No kisses?"

"... I'm an ugly crier."

Rin sighed and cupped Haru's jaw gently, guiding his face to look Rin in the eye.

"So what?" He said as he kissed his forehead instead. "Better?"

"Mn."

"Good."

Haru's gripped fist let go of Rin's scrunched shirt. Haru sighed, a pitiful, shaking sound that made Rin's chest feel tight.

"How do you keep doing it?" Haru asked eventually.

"What?"

"Training. Swimming." Haru wiped at his eyes again. "I mean, you said you'd never compete internationally again... why would you keep putting yourself through this kind of lifestyle?"

Rin paused for a moment, considering the question. In truth, he'd thought about that very question a lot recently. Why _did_ he even bother if it wasn't to reach the highest level? What did he hope to gain by only swimming on the collegiate circuit from now on? He'd proven himself at the last Olympics, he'd shown the Australian national team, he'd shown his family, and he'd shown the world that he was capable of becoming the best. He used to be the rookie, the wildcard. And now... what was he? _Who_ was he? It seemed like he'd be haunted forever by the results of the Olympics, what the world had made him out to be because of it.

And yes, he'd willingly admit he's been conflicted about his identity since he refused the national team offer not long ago. His whole life he'd always dreamed of becoming the best swimmer in the world, he wanted to go to the Olympics, he wanted to taste victory. It's been his life's work. And what had it all been for? He liked to remind himself that it had led him to where he was today, to hold the man who he'd always assumed had forgotten about him. And maybe it was Rin being selfish, or maybe it was a wound that wouldn't ever completely heal; knowing he was _so close_ to becoming the best, knowing he had the skill, the coaching, and the opportunity to do it, and yet he still failed. He could never go back, and in a way it almost made him feel guilty that he'd never achieved what he'd worked towards since he was a child. Or more specifically, to say that he _couldn't._

He looked at Haru now, knowing that even though it hurt, there was no way he could consider going back to Australia to swim again when he and Haru were finally together, and finally happy together. It wasn't even a choice when it came to Haru. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Is this what love was about? Putting your own dreams aside for someone else's? He didn't know, but it was what his gut was telling him.

In a way, he wondered if he continued swimming, and training, and racing on the collegiate level because he wished he was still swimming, and training, and racing at the top level. Combined, Rin and Haru had won every collegiate competition by a wide margin. Everyone could see they were on a whole different level, even their coach who wrote their training plans for them. Even racing this year, Haru had beaten Rin in every race, just as he always had as kids... maybe then it was okay for Rin to stop swimming competitively, I mean, he'd never had a chance at being the best to begin with with Haru around...

But the thing is, deep down, Rin didn't _want_ to stop being a high level swimmer. 

But Haru wanted to stop, and for Rin, for some reason that just seemed like a much bigger issue. Perhaps it's because of the influence and power the name Haruka Nanase, alone, has held in the swimming world for three long years. Or perhaps it's because for Rin, Haru had always been the person he wanted to beat the most. 

"I don't know." He answered the raven truthfully, because really, he _didn't_ know why he forced himself to continue. At this point, it seemed like it was out of pure habit. And then he looked over at Haru again, and he realized, no, maybe it was something much more than that. "I think it's because you made me love swimming, and that's something I want to hold onto."

Haru looked embarrassed, and maybe a little anxious. 

"What?" Rin prodded curiously.

"I... Well, I'm just-- I guess I'm just really ungrateful." Haru said. "To you, I mean."

"Haru, I don't care if you made me love swimming but I was unable to do the same for you, because I'm going to keep trying, okay? Don't feel upset because of something like that. All that matters to me is that you're happy, and right now, you're not happy." Rin kissed his forehead again. "Now get your ass outta bed and go eat some breakfast, Haruka Nanase, or I'll go tell your mom downstairs that you haven't eaten yet."

Haru smiled a little, shifting like he was going to get out of bed. And then he paused, his smile dropping.

"Rin, I really don't want to train today."

Rin frowned. "I didn't say anything about training, did I?" He smiled again, pulling Haru to his feet. "But we should go for a walk later, I haven't been home in forever!"

However during Rin's solo run to the pool later that morning, Haru's earlier question continued to repeat in his mind.

Their walk that evening was nice, romantic even. It was cold, but as they roamed near the ocean they both instinctively paused and watched the crashing waves for a while in silence. And o n their way home they stopped at his dad's grave up on the hill. In the past, when Rin had come home occasionally for holidays, he used to stand up here in silence, staring, listening, waiting for answers or a sign from his father that would tell him if he was on the right path, to ask him if this was the right way to live his life. He liked to believe his dad could still hear him even when he'd only think the thoughts without actually saying them.

In front of the gravestone, Haru hung back a little, and Rin held his hand. The crashing of waves sounded all around them. The cold winter air nipped at their noses and cheekbones.

"Hey dad..." He said softly, the sound almost completely silenced by the wind and the waves. "I hope things are good on your end, things are going a lot better on mine." From the corner of his eye, he saw Haru turn his head to look over at him. "Mom and Gou are as hyper as ever, I don't know how you ever dealt with all three of us together. Mom says I act more like you now, but I don't really see it." He smiled a little, then cleared his throat. Haru's fingers still held his hand firmly. "So, I turned down my national team offer, which means I guess I'll never compete internationally again... I'm sorry I failed you... Mom said something the other day that really stuck with me though, that I need to find my own dreams now instead of chasing yours... I think... I think I've found a new dream worth chasing, and I, uh... I brought him here." Rin looked over at a wide eyed Haru, biting his lip. "Dad, this is Haru. And... And I love him."

Haru looked like he wanted to say something, but kept silent as Rin continued. Rin looked back down at the gravestone.

"I know I've come up here a lot over the years asking you to help me find my way when I felt frustrated or upset. And I know I wasn't the best kid I could've been for you, but I tried my hardest to make it up to you. I always wanted to be just like you, and when you left..." He gulped thickly, pushing the hot sting of tears down that he could feel welling in his waterline. "As a kid I never understood why you'd given up your dream to be an Olympic swimmer someday when you loved swimming so much. To me, it had always seemed so... stupid. But I think I understand a bit better now, you know, why you gave up your dream to have a family. It's because you found something that was worth giving that dream up for. And it's because there's more to life out there than just swimming. I get it now, dad." Haru unclasped their hands and wrapped an arm around Rin's waist instead. "I wish you could've seen me at the Olympics... god, I was such a laughing stock. But I did it. And now..." Rin's gaze connected with Haru's, who was watching him worriedly. "I wish you could see how happy I am." Rin said morosely.

Haru's jaw was clenching again like he was unsure if he was going to speak or not. But with a slight smile Rin poked nose, and turned his attention back to the gravestone. 

"I miss you, dad. Mom and Gou miss you, too, although I'm sure you already know. I'll come back to say goodbye when we have to leave again for school, but... I think I'm moving on to the next part of my life, which I'm really excited about too. I have someone really special to me now, and I find I'm following in your footsteps more closely than I ever would've thought. I don't know... maybe I'm crazy for talking to myself out here for years. But I need to say it, because as I get older I won't be able to stop by as often and I guess I'm just really grateful to you for helping me through the tougher parts of my life, and I wanted to let you know I've finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel." Rin heard the crashing waves slowly fade, the wind became muted, even Haru's touch was now light as Rin said softly. "I love you, dad."

That night when they went to sleep, both boys found the task extremely difficult, both for different reasons. For Rin, his thoughts were entirely engulfed in nothing but possible solutions to help with Haru's motivational problems, and for Haru, his thoughts were of heartache for Rin. Eventually, into the wee hours of the night, when Rin had heard Haru's breathing taper off into something deeper and more relaxed, he got it. He knew the solution to Haru's motivational issues... I mean, maybe. Rin slipped from bed and began searching frantically on his laptop, surprised to find exactly what he was looking for, which seemed almost too good to be true. It must be a sign. He bought the plane tickets.

In the morning Rin shook Haru gently awake, planting a kiss on his cheek when the raven made a tired groan. Haru sat up in bed slowly, his hair cowlicked out to the side, while Rin continued busying himself with piling clothes into packing backpacks on the floor.

"Rin? What's going on?" Haru narrowed his eyes, smiling a little to himself after a pregnant moment. "Are you wearing my hoodie?"

"Good morning to you too." Rin joked, stuffing a couple of Haru's shirts into the nearest bag. "And I'm packing. Get up, we've got a flight to catch."

Haru shook his head, like he thought he was still dreaming or something. "Wha... Flight? We're going back to Tokyo so soon?"

Rin paused, holding a shirt in his hands and rolling his head back up at Haru perched in bed with a sly smile. "Not Tokyo. _Australia."_

"Aus-- What!" Haru rubbed his eyes, his expression confused when he realized that this was indeed reality he'd woken up into and not still a dream. He looked at Rin skeptically. "Are you teasing me?"

"And why would I do that?" Rin asked innocently. Haru threw a pillow at him, which missed entirely. "Okay, okay, chill."

Haru looked at the packed bags, then at Rin's face, then down at his hands in a moment of thought, thinking everything over carefully.

"When's the flight?"

"In a few hours."

Haru chewed his lip, contemplating. "Why?" He finally asked after another wary moment.

"It's a surprise."

Rin expected Haru to protest more, but instead the raven quietly slipped from bed and began pulling on clothes and straightening his hair in the mirror. Then he disappeared into the bathroom while Rin pulled the zippers shut on their bags and carried them downstairs. They ate breakfast in silence, and then Haru went to say goodbye to his parents, who were in the study together. He came back with the same blank expression and picked up his bag, a backpack, and slung it heavily onto his shoulders.

"Let's go."

The train ride and flight to Australia was quiet, and Rin was worried. Haru was a quiet person, sure, but Rin could tell something was going through his mind the whole trip there. They made it through customs without any problems, this was something Haru was clearly used to when he used to travel the world to compete, and Rin was accustomed to from his many trips to and from Japan.

"Where are we staying?" Haru asked only once they'd retrieved their packs and began leaving the airport. Rin looked back at him over his shoulder.

"A hotel, but I thought I could show you around before we go there... How's that sound?"

"Sure." Haru mumbled.

The bus ride was quiet as well. Rin watched Haru idly as the raven looked out the window at the surrounding cityscape of Sydney. It was warm here, no snow, and the sunlight reflected off the water down by the beach and the windows of the taller buildings along the skyline. Haru had been here before for racing as Sydney was a popular destination for holding world class swimming events, and whenever he came Rin always stubbornly refused to watch the races in person. He wasn't sure why he did that in the past, but now he assumed it was probably due to his overly competitive nature, and possibly because he tended to lose all reason when it came to Haru and back then he hadn't wanted to admit that to himself. But he was here with Haru now, and he smiled to himself at the reminder of how far they'd come together, like a string of fate had slowly been bringing them closer and closer throughout all these years, until finally...

"Rin?" Rin recognized that tone, Haru was thinking.

"Hm?"

"Why'd you really bring me to Australia?"

"I brought you because there's something I absolutely have to show you. But that's for tomorrow."

"Show me? That's all?"

"Yeah."

Haru looked at him quickly, searching his eyes for answers, then turned back out to the window.

They got off by the beach, which for a tuesday evening was fairly empty. Rin led Haru down to the water and toed off his running shoes and dropped his pack into the sand. The waves rolled languidly up and down the beachside, the familiar saltiness filled Rin's nose and he closed his eyes as he let the cool breeze from the water blow onto his face. He looked back at Haru, who was looking off down the beach, seemingly bored.

"What’d you think? I figured a place where you could see the ocean would help you relax.”

Haru turned his blue eyes back at Rin, and Rin grinned. He pulled at the back of his (Haru's) black hoodie and threw it at his shoes, then rolled up the bottoms of his pant-legs.

"Let's go in!" He called to the raven excitedly and began splashing into the warm water slowly. The waves tugged at his ankles, his feet sinking slightly in the sand.

"I don't feel like it."

“What? Who is it that's usually so quick to start taking his clothes off?”

“Shut up…” Haru's cheeks tinged a light pink, and Rin chuckled to himself. 

He came back out of the water and plopped himself in the sand beside Haru. The sun warmed his shoulders and back, and Rin was forever thankful he'd been blessed with easily tannable skin. He pulled on Haru's pant-leg to get him to sit. The pair looked out at the rolling waves, at the sunlight that glimmered off the deep blue further on, to where the sky met water. Rin stretched out, feeling entirely at home.

“Doesn’t just looking at the ocean like this make you feel calm? When I first came to this country, looking at the ocean just relaxed me somehow." Rin confided. Haru listened, his gaze now following Rin's out to the water. "I talked big before I left Japan, but honestly, I was really anxious at first. A country I didn’t know. A city I didn’t know. I didn’t even know the language. Even though I’d known all that from the start, of course." Rin closed his eyes again, now listening to nothing but the sound of waves and seagulls as it filled his ears, feeling nothing but the cool breeze from the water and the hot sun on his face. "But when I came here and saw the ocean, I felt calmer. Because I knew that just beyond it, you were there. My friends were there, and my family. I felt like it connected me to you guys."

"Rin..."

Rin looked over at the raven, whose large eyes that moved and sparkled just like the ocean before them finally was looking at Rin's face. His eyes that didn't seem dull or lifeless for the first time since Rin had woken him up that morning. That was the real Haru, not whatever ghost had possessed that moving, talking shell from before.

Rin continued. "I always thought about you. I always wanted to be with you, but I was so far away. I..." He chuckled a little and shook his head. "You know I always thought you'd forgotten about me... I mean, I'm just me! And you're, well, you're Haruka Nanase."

"Rin, you know I--"

"I know. I know now, and you have no idea how that makes me feel." His chest felt warm, his smile was permanently resting on his cheeks. It seemed to be a condition whenever anything to do with Haru was around, Rin couldn't ever control his emotions around him. And now, his voice took on a more serious tone. "I've always admired you. Not just as a person, but your spirit. I want you to understand that."

Haru's gaze became trained on the sand, Rin looked worriedly over at him. The sight made his heart ache. Haru was in pain.

"Is... something on your mind?"

"Not really."

"Is it just swimming? Or is something wrong to make you not want to be in Japan right now?”

Haru shrugged.

"Is it Makoto?"

At that, Haru visibly flinched. Rin's face softened.

"Bingo, huh?"

"We... Well, we didn't even have a fight or anything, things have just been really tense between us for a while now. I don't get it." Haru looked at Rin suddenly, his eyes large. The emotion was back, and in a way Rin was relieved. "I'm sorry, we... haven't really talked about what happened that one night... um..."

"You mean with Sosuke and Makoto? I'm over it. I mean, I know Sosuke was trying to hurt us with that, but it doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you."

"It doesn't bother me, just... Sosuke was rebounding, and I hope Makoto didn't get hurt because of it." Haru said. "I wish we were still close, but he's been avoiding me..."

"Haru, I think Makoto's been going through a hard time recently... It's kinda hard to explain."

"How do you know?"

"Well..." Rin gathered his thoughts. "He's had feelings for you for a long time... I think us getting together, well, yeah..."

"Makoto... had feelings for me?"

"I knew he did as a kid, and from the looks of it I guess it lasted all through highschool, too."

Haru's face went pink. "Wait, so... that's why he held my hand around you, and that's why... he slept with Sosuke? Was it all because he was jealous?"

Rin smiled minutely. "Me and him used to bicker over you so much, and you were too oblivious to realize what was happening. Even as kids... man, we all really haven't changed after all these years, have we?" Rin chuckled, then stared off at the water, a serious expression clouding his eyes. "You know, even though things worked out between me and you, I really do regret not having a stronger friendship with Makoto... and over something so petty as fighting over a crush, sheesh."

Rin heard a sniffle and looked over at Haru, whose ocean eyes were spilling with salty tears down his cheeks. Rin wrapped an arm over his shoulders and pulled him closer.

"I'm such an awful person, Rin. Oh my god, I must have hurt him so much... I haven't even tried to see-- and now he's-- and Sosuke. _Fuck."_ Haru wiped under his nose wetly. "I'm such an idiot. I must have strung him along all this time."

"It's not your fault. Me and him both knew what we were signing up for when it came to you. You're oblivious and rash, but you really do care about your friends. Makoto's kind. I know you two can make up if you try."

"I'd like that, I m-miss him. He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember." Haru said. "What if he hates me?"

"He doesn't hate you, Makoto could never hate you, even if he wasn't in love with you. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. You two can make up, he'll understand."

Rin smiled softly as he admired Haru's sniffling body with a heavy heart. He pressed a kiss to a wet cheek as Haru dried off with the sleeves of his hoodie.

"Now, c'mon. How about a romantic walk on the beach, I heard you like those." Rin teased and Haru swatted at him. But when Rin stood and brushed the sand from his butt, Haru got up with him and laced their fingers together.

For dinner that night they tried the first restaurant off the beach that wasn't entirely packed, an asian fusion restaurant that provided some of the comforts from home. And once their stomachs were full and their wallets a little lighter, they hopped on the next bus that dropped them at the doorstep of their hotel. It was quaint and cute, kind of homey like a hostel rather than a chain brand hotel. But it was nice enough. Haru didn't even know how long they were staying for, but Rin was keen on surprising him; meaning as long as it took until Haru began to feel better. 

"Hi, I made a reservation under the name Rin Matsuoka."

The lady at the front desk made them sign some paperwork, then handed over their room keys. Room 25.

"Two room keys?" Haru asked when they were out of the lobby and safely tucked in the elevator. "Did you get us separate rooms?"

"No no, one room."

And there it was, room 25. When they opened it up it was pretty tiny considering the price they were paying per night. Probably not much bigger than Haru's apartment back in Tokyo. The bed was a queen, which normally for two full grown men would've been considered cramped, but for Haru and Rin who usually slept together on much smaller beds than this, they were thrilled.

They went about their nightly routines in relative silence, comfortable in each other's now nearly constant presence. 

"Hey Haru?" Rin only asked when they were quietly settled in bed. Haru's back was to him, but Rin knew the raven was still awake. "You remember how I told you I've always admired you right? You might not remember it, but I remember the day I first met you."

"I thought you once said you didn't remember--"

 _"Loving_ you, Haru." Rin corrected. "For that, it all just seems like a blur to me... maybe I've always loved you, since the moment I laid eyes on you..."

"When you first came to class when we were kids?"

"No it was a tournament, back before I moved to Iwatobi." Rin linked his fingers behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling, his mind being transported back to a time when to him, and to Haru, swimming hadn't become what it was to them now. "To be honest, it had never occurred to me that I could lose to someone. But any frustration I felt vanished when I thought ‘there’s someone more amazing than me’, ‘I want to be able to swim like him’. That’s why it's hard for me when you’re not always there ahead of me, showing me what path I should take. Without you, I have nothing to aim for, you know?” Rin sighed, shaking his head a little. "Look, Haru, I know you think you've lost your passion for racing, but maybe it's something more than that. Have you ever thought about your effect on the swimming world? You know your effect on my reason for swimming but... Haru, you were _born_ to be a swimmer."

The silence rung with those words. Then only when Rin was convinced Haru had decided to ignore him, Haru spoke softly.

“I remember it, too. That tournament…”

Rin smiled to himself, rolling onto his side to watch Haru's shoulder's rise and fall with slow breath.

“Do you remember the freestyle race we swam that one night when school started this year?”

“Yeah.”

“I was testing you then. I've always been testing you, chasing you, wanting more than anything just to be _connected_ to you somehow. I felt lost when I was here in Australia without you. I felt like even though I'd stare out at the ocean, sometimes it felt like you were moving farther and farther away. And then when I finally saw you at the Olympics, after I'd thought about that moment every single day since I'd left Japan -- what you'd look like, how you'd act, where we'd be... you felt farther than I'd ever imagined. I was in love with you, I'm still in love with you, but I knew then that something had changed about you." Rin sighed again, his fingers outstretched and hovering between Haru's shoulder blades. "I want you to love swimming again. I want you to be who you were always meant to be. But most importantly, I just want you to be happy, Haru, that's what really matters to me."

Haru shifted beneath the covers and rolled over to look Rin in the eye, his blue orbs large and glassy. His fingers touched Rin's hand and linked them together.

"Rin..."

"Hey Haru, during that race that night at school... didn't you feel something too?"

Haru's eyes widened fractionally, like he'd understood what Rin meant. That race had been exhilarating, there had been no pressure, it was... fun.

"Yes." Haru answered, his voice sounding a little breathless. 

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"What?"

"Haru, why do you really swim?"

"Because I'm free. I only swim free, you know this."

"But you don't look free, and I'm sure you don't feel free. So why keep swimming when it makes you feel like this? What's there to gain? I mean... I know you've thought about quitting recently, but... I mean as a kid, and growing up, you know..." Rin scratched behind his neck, feeling a little flustered.

But Haru only looked him square in the eye, his eyes such a deep, vibrant blue Rin felt as though he'd been swallowed by the ocean. He couldn't look away. Haru smiled minutely, a sad little thing.

"All I want is to feel the water. With my skin, my eyes, my soul... to never doubt what it _makes me feel."_

Rin felt his heart lurch, he felt the breath stop in his throat. This man, this man who never ceased to amaze him, who was so _raw_ and _whole_... Rin had always known Haru was special to him, but now he realized the enormity of that Haru was just undeniable extraordinary. He was a relic placed on earth to do something great, he was a prodigy, a god, _perfection._ Haru was meant to be a swimmer. He was born to be in the water. He pursued only excellence.

Rin just stared at him for a long time, his mind consumed in nothing but that this man, this perfect, perfect man, was wilting like a dying flower. Haru was more than just a swimmer, Rin knew that better than anyone. But he also knew the connection Haru shared with swimming, the emotions it made him feel, the excitement, the relaxation, the alien sensation of floating in nothingness... It was an important thing to Haru, highly important, something that made up the light of his very soul. Rin wanted to help him keep his love for swimming alive, he wanted Haru to want it too.

"And do you doubt it now?" Rin asked after a moment, one red brow quirking upwards.

"I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like the competitive life of a swimmer has drained the love of the sport for me. I wish I could love swimming again, but it's been ruined for me."

"That sounds like an excuse to me."

"... Excuse me?"

Rin sighed, shaking his head a little. "Swimming doesn't have to be ruined for you by something like that. I think you're thinking about it too hard, which is strange because you never used to do that--"

"--Hey--!"

"All I'm sayin' is that it doesn't have to be this way. You feel like you're being pulled under by the tide, but really, it's just an illusion."

"What... What are you saying?"

Rin smirked at Haru's confused expression. "Haru, you love the water, and you love swimming. So why is it that you're unhappy?"

Haru's brow furrowed as he thought over those words. Then his eyes widened. His breath stilled. Rin smiled at him. He smiled because Haru finally realized it, that he had everything he needed, every tool to make himself happy, and yet he was still choosing not to be. It was something deep and primal that made Haru love the water, it didn't _need_ to be complicated like he made it out to be. He loved swimming. So why choose to stop?

Rin opened his mouth to speak again, but his lips were being claimed by the raven as he shot forward in bed. Just a chaste kiss, a grateful kiss. But before Rin could get any ideas, Haru was turning back over to face away from him, pretending to try to sleep. Rin knew that must've been impossible though, because from Haru's expression alone, he'd stumbled upon something great.

The next morning Rin was being woken up by Haru. The golden light streamed through the window beside their bed. Haru was latched to the side of him, speckling kisses along his neck and jaw with careful softness. Rin hummed and stretched a bit before opening his eyes.

"I have something to show you today." Rin's voice was rough with sleep. He cradled Haru in his arms, and Haru pecked him on the lips.

"What is it?"

"You'll see."

Later that morning they walked to the venue, which was only about three blocks away. Rin readjusted his hair under his ball cap and turned back to see Haru looking around confusedly.

"Rin, why--"

"Here we are!"

"... Rin, this is the swim stadium. I've competed here before, so why--"

But Rin was already walking away, calling cheerfully over his shoulder when he sensed Haru's hesitancy.

"Let's go."

Inside Rin paid the fee for a pool day pass for them, then he was leading Haru to the locker rooms.

"Rin, stop. What're we doing? I don't understand."

Rin looked at him innocently. "We're going for a swim, what else?"

"... Why?"

"Because this is where the best swimmers in the world race one another. This is what I wanted to show you."

"We can swim here? I thought it was only for competition."

"Of course we can, anyone can."

"I didn't bring a swimsuit."

"I'll loan you one." Rin pulled him by the sleeve. "C'mon, this way."

With some minor coaxing to get Haru to change, and some persuasive kisses to get him out of the locker room, the pair finally stepped out onto the pool deck. The lanes were empty besides the last two, where a local swim club was running a practice. Rin pushed the hair from his face as he watched them.

"Look, Haru." He gestured to them with a jut of his chin. "They use this pool for practice. You've competed here a lot, haven't you. But I'm sure you never realized just how special you swimming here was to kids like that."

From this distance, he couldn't really tell how old the team was, but they looked middle school aged based on the size of their small bodies.

"Is it really okay to swim here then? We shouldn't disturb them."

Rin gave a little shove to his back, causing Haru to stumble forward a bit. "Don't be such a baby and just get in the water Haru."

Rin could see Haru watching the kids as they approached the centre lanes, his eyes flooded with emotion that could only be described as awe. Those children lacked the intensity they'd felt racing internationally. There was something magical about the way they'd laugh and flop in the water, the way they'd rile up their coach by splashing one another rather than listening to his instruction. It was like looking into Rin and Haru's past, back to a more simpler time when swimming was about having fun and less about competition. Rin knew by the way Haru couldn't keep his eyes off the club's practice, that this idea had been worth it.

"Haru." The raven's attention was once again being placed on Rin. "You told me you'd always followed my dream because you couldn't find your own, right? But if you did find one, what would you do?"

Haru's eyes flickered away from Rin's face, then out to the pool, then back over to the kids. He was silent, but his mind was whirring. Rin stepped up onto the starting platform and pressed his goggles against his eyes, snapping the band to the back of his head. Then he was diving in himself, allowing Haru to make the decision on his own; whether to stay on the deck, or choose his own happiness by diving forward into it.

*

Haru gulped. His heart was heavy. His muscles springy. His body yearned for the water. It ached to once again feel the sensations it brought him. The lightness, the serenity. The water made him feel whole, and complete. His gaze wandered to the swim club's practice going on, feeling the urge to swim greater now than ever. Everything Rin had said to him, his unwavering love, and his support of Haru to figure his life out once again pulling him like a gentle breeze in the direction of the pool.

He was suddenly hit with a strange feeling. A feeling he hadn't felt for a long time, a feeling that reminded him of a more simpler time when his life consisted of the ocean, and swimming, and a feisty boy with beautiful maroon hair. These feelings he'd come to forget over time as competition slowly drained the life out of him. 

_Inspiration._

That's what he felt. The feeling of wanting to go out and do something incredible. To prove someone wrong. To achieve the impossible. He remembered this feeling as a child watching the Olympics on tv for the first time. When he saw those swimmers and for the first time in his life, he thought 'that is what I want to do.' He'd forgotten that memory of watching the Olympics, he'd forgotten what feeling inspired even felt like. And it wasn't the words of a psychologist, or the prize of a gold medal that made him realize it. It was watching kids swim. It was watching someone have _fun._

Haru thought back to Rin's childhood dream of becoming an Olympic swimmer. To stand where they once stood and see all they've accomplished with their lives. And without even realizing it, Haru was standing atop the starting platform. Miles high. The expanse of the pool surrounding him like a silky blanket. It welcomed him.

He'd stood here many times before, and every time he'd never truly been looking. For a moment Haru saw the crowds and heard the cheers. The grandeur of standing high with the pool laid out below him. An endless sea of blue. For the first time, the experience to him felt larger than life.

“I want to swim.” He said aloud, his mouth moving on it's own.

He felt the tug on his heart. He heard the water calling to him. He felt the competitiveness, and the desire to improve yourself. He felt the love he thought he'd lost somewhere along the way. And then there was the feeling of spreading your wings as you dive into the water. The brief moment where you hung in time, feeling the cool breeze on your chest, the rapid thump of your heart. And when Haru's fingers breached the water, for the first time in a long time, something about the whole experience was inexplicably different.

*

"What'd you want for lunch? I'm in the mood for something greasy."

"Anything's fine." Haru hummed back at him, and Rin watched him from the corner of his eye. Haru linked their fingers together as they walked along the pier on their way back to the hotel. They decided on the scenic route. It was a beautiful day after all.

"Did you find what you were looking for back there?" Rin asked.

"Hm." Haru answered, a smile pulling at his lips. "Rin, I--... Thanks."

Rin stopped walking, pulling on Haru's hand to get him to do the same.

"I didn't do anything, Haru. Besides taking you for a nice vacation in the country I grew up in."

Haru pecked him on the lips and leaned in close, whispering only loud enough for Rin to hear, despite no one else being around.

"What did I do to deserve you..."

"You didn't need to do anything. I was always yours."

"Stay with me this time. Don't you ever leave again."

Rin kissed Haru on the forehead in answer, his lips not leaving the raven's skin for a long moment. He pulled a ripped envelope from the pocket of his hoodie, and handed it to Haru. Haru looked confused as he took it from him.

"I got this after we'd received the invites to be back on the national team." Rin admitted, his eyes flickering away from Haru's face.

"What is it?"

"I declined the Australian national team invite, just like I told you, but..."

Haru looked panicked. "But what?"

"Well, open it."

Haru pulled the letter from the envelope with surprising speed, his eyes skimming the words written there and when he looked back up at Rin, his eyes were as large and endless as the sky.

"Rin... That's amazing!"

"I-- Yeah, I got it right after I went public that I'd retired. I guess the swimming world doesn't entirely hate me after all, huh."

"Did you accept?"

"I wanted to run it by you first... I mean, I was going to if you decided to keep swimming... because-- well, then we could be together. It seemed almost too good to be true."

"Rin..." Haru's eyes trailed down Rin's body slowly, he leaned in close, wrapping him in the warmth of his arms and burying his nose in Rin's neck. "A national team invite from Swim Japan isn't something you should turn down. I'm proud of you."

"I'm only doing it if you're doing it. I'd actually decided on giving up on my dream to support you with yours, but I think quitting swimming would honestly make me miserable. I'm sorry that I'm going back on my word, but I need to be selfish about this, just this once. I know I've said this before, but swimming isn't worth doing for me if you're not there to show me the way. I'll follow you anywhere, Haru."

Haru pecked his lips again, his hands framing Rin's face.

"Then accept."

Rin's eyes widened. "So... the pool thing-- And-- So it actually all worked?"

"Yes, Rin Matsuoka, you snake. Your evil plan worked. I'm going to swim."

Like a thread being snapped, suddenly Rin was lifting Haru into the air as he laughed. And when he finally set Haru down, their lips were inseparable.

 _"Fuck,_ Haru. You're really going to swim?"

"It's all because of you, Rin."

Upon their return to Japan (and therefore their return to the daily schedule of training, class, training, class, training), the boys felt lighter than they had in years. Maybe it had something to do with the feelings they had for one another, or maybe it was because, for the first time in a long time, they felt entirely complete. Their lives consisted of the little things in life, of the pranks they'd play on one another like children, the ignorance of rules and the freedom to enjoy themselves, the passion that consumed them when the desire to show each other what they truly felt was just too great. Haru had made up with Makoto on his own time, and the three of them saw each other in more comfortable circumstances than they had before. And, even more surprisingly, a new addition to Haru's little apartment when Makoto decided to let Rin and Haru know that he was dating someone, and that that someone turned out to be Sosuke. The two had apparently hit it off and were really happy, and even though things were a little awkward at times between the group of four, they were beginning to understand. Rin and Sosuke managed to mend their broken friendship, even if it hurt at points. But deep down, they were still friends, true friends, despite all the pain they'd caused one another. 

Australia had proven to be a success in Rin's books, and after that (for whatever reason, Rin liked to remind himself jokingly) Haru’s swimming had been faster than ever before, breaking his own PB and therefore setting a new world record at a regional race of all things. Of course, FINA didn’t accept it as it hadn’t been officially overseen by the federation themselves but the roars of the stadium as they witnessed history was something Rin would never forget. Neither when he’d finished just behind Haru, catching the delirious smile on the raven’s face as he turned immediately to Rin. The breathless kiss they caught on camera set another round of screams around the stadium. And that night when they returned home, exhausted and as high on victory as they could get, Rin set forward a proposal.

They were in bed, naked and panting against each other, and Haru acting a little more enthusiastic than usual as he hastily opened the lube bottle, bringing his fingers down to his own entrance and surely about to give Rin the show of a lifetime. But then Rin stopped him, grabbing his wrist and pressing a searing kiss to his lips.

“Do me tonight.” He whispered, watching as Haru’s eyes widened at his request.

“Rin… Wha…” Haru tumbled over his words. “Can I?”

“We’ve never talked about it really, but I don’t mind switching if you want to.” He replied and when Haru didn’t respond, still frozen to the spot like a deer in headlights, his lube-covered fingers drooping dangerously above the bedsheets, Rin smirked and growled in his ear. “I wanna feel you fuck me so good, c'mon Haru, make me yours. Make me never forget tonight, okay?”

Apparently that was all the convincing Haru needed. He set to work on Rin, preparing him with skilled fingers, his eyes dark and stormy like a hurricane when Rin spread his legs wider. Rin was swearing and cursing, his hands all over Haru as the raven worked deeper inside of him. And when he finally connected their bodies, Haru hot and heavy and silky and sleek inside, Rin thought he was about to pass out. Haru was panting, Rin was panting. The burn didn’t feel so bad when the ocean itself was riveting him to the spot with such intense concern and love, distracting him from the pain as much as allowing him to embrace it.

“Are you okay, Rin?” Haru had whispered tenderly when he bottomed out, a hand coming up to cup the redhead’s jaw. His hands were so soft, his voice so comforting. Rin’s lashes flickered.

He ran his palms up Haru’s body, touching every bump and crevice, eventually ending on his spine and pulling him down onto himself. Haru’s lips were gentle and affectionate, and Rin sighed as he relaxed himself.

“I’m okay. You can move, you know.” He said with a halfhearted smirk. Haru kissed him chastely. “Ah… fuck.” Spilled from his lips when Haru pulled out. It burned, but it was good.

Haru was shaking above him, the hard muscle in his stomach panting as his back bowed and arched. Blue eyes latched onto his face. Their foreheads touching. Words of affection and the lewd slap of wet flesh the only sounds to accompany the plethora of groans that bounced off the walls.

Rin’s hands were everywhere, unable to touch enough of Haru, clenching down so he’d never leave him. And despite Rin being the one with a dick up his ass, he was the one comforting Haru through it all. Whispering his love in the raven’s ear. Planting light kisses to his cheek. Moving a gentle but firm hand up the ridges of his spine.

And when they finally came it was to each other’s names off their lips, their bodies spasming as they frantically rode through their orgasms. Haru collapsed in a sticky heap on top of Rin. The slipperiness between his legs the only indication that in their desperation Haru’d forgotten the condom on the bed. But did Rin comment on it? No. He pulled Haru close, nuzzling into his neck where he pressed whispers to the skin there.

“Can we do that again sometime?” Haru mumbled barely audibly into the sheets beside Rin’s head.

Rin patted his ass gently. “Anything for you, love.”

Haru sighed, and even though Rin couldn’t see his face, he was sure it’d turned bright red.

“Don’t say gross things like that.”

They were sticky with all sorts of bodily fluids, and while it should’ve seemed filthy Rin actually mused at the situation a little. Even their cum thought they were inseparable. “Let’s get cleaned up, okay?”

“I don’t wanna get up.” Haru whined tiredly, his arms tightening around him.

“C’mon.” Rin pushed him. “I’ll blow you in the shower.”

Then Haru perked up, from the mention of a blowjob or of showering however Rin couldn’t be sure. Haru loved water, after all. And when they returned to Haru’s room, clean and sated, cuddling into one another as the lights were turned off, Haru started peppering kisses onto Rin again.

“Hey, hey, I’m too tired to go another round. We swam today, let’s just sleep, okay?”

Haru chuckled, pressing another kiss to Rin’s collarbone. “No, it’s not that, I was just thinking.”

“What about?”

“About us.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah…” Haru sighed. “It’s just all craziness, you know?”

“What d’you mean.”

“You know… Our childhood, you going to Australia, me thinking about you everyday.” Haru leaned up on one elbow to look down on Rin’s face, a playful look glinting in his eyes. “You know I never dated anyone in high school?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, my friends had a joke that no girl was good enough for me and that my expectations were too high. But look who I got in the end…”

Rin’s cheeks felt hot, his lips quirked into a smile. He ran a hand over Haru’s lower back, across the soft cotton that hung from his frame. He pulled the raven up onto his chest, Haru’s chin resting upon his hands, their faces only inches apart and watching each other like they were reading their most favourite book.

"Do you remember when we were kids, and we used to talk about our dreams and our futures together. About competing at the Olympics?"

"You mean _you_ used to talk about competing at the Olympics."

"And do you remember when we swam our first relay together?

"Hm." Haru answered contently.  “I always wondered what’d happened to you after you left, you know. I wondered if you were still swimming or if you liked school, if you were working… I really missed you all these years.” Haru speculated. “I always wondered if I’d recognize you when we met again… because I knew we’d meet, I wasn’t ready to accept that I wouldn’t.” Haru admitted.  “When I saw you at the Olympics… I thought I was hallucinating.”

Rin laughed. “Really?”

“Yeah. I’d grown up wanting you, and then I saw you and I honestly stopped breathing. Nothing else seemed to matter. My brain just… melted.”

Rin laughed boisterously.

“Hm?”

“Well… I mean— The same thing happened to me.” Rin chuckled, his eyes far away as he remembered that day all that time ago. “I knew I’d see you in the finals, and even before the Olympics when I qualified all I could think about was getting to the finals so I could beat you. I thought I was invisible to someone like you, I just wanted you to remember me. Even when we were kids you were always the best at everything so naturally, and I always had to work for it. When you were winning everything internationally all I wanted was to be more like you, and when I finally saw you in person at the Olympics, well I guess all that hard work meant shit cause your other superpower is making time stop, apparently.”

“You don’t have to say stuff like that just to—”

“No, I’m serious, I was so frustrated for so long after I saw you because I realized how many stupid mistakes I’d made by moving away. I’d always loved you, I’d always wanted to swim with you, so living and swimming all the way away in Australia suddenly seemed so pointless. I broke up with Sosuke shortly after, too, because it wasn’t fair to him for me to be thinking about you every time we— whenever we were together.”

“Hm.”

“And then I came to school here, thinking it’d be a good way to keep my mind off you.” Rin smiled, shaking his head as his eyes travelled along the ceiling. “But when I walked onto the pool deck that first day of practice and saw you? Man, I was so fucked. I knew I loved you, but I was so angry with myself.”

Haru chuckled. “Yeah you threw me into the pool that day.”

“Threw myself in with you…” Rin muttered, looking back down to catch the amusement in Haru’s eyes. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Whatever.”

“And I’m sorry about when I kissed you a few weeks later too.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

“I am. When I realized we’d be at school and swimming together from then on, I knew I needed to tell you my feelings for you. Y’know, to make up for all the time wasted in Australia. I was just meaning to talk, but one thing led to another and you’re just too damn sexy for your own good, Haruka Nanase. When you pushed me away, though, I thought I’d made a huge mistake.”

“What?" Haru perked up a little, his expression confused. "I only pushed you away because I thought you were teasing me, or something. I was so happy I could’ve died in that moment, honestly.” Haru’s cheeks tinged pink, but his eyes didn’t flicker away from Rin’s face. “You never used to be that straightforward, what’d you think I’d expect.”

“Fair enough.” Rin professed.

“But when Makoto was being all clingy and you asked me out… that caught me off guard too.”

“Yeah well jealousy’s a bitch. I thought I had a chance with you then Makoto was with you and I didn’t know what to do. Oh my god this is so embarrassing…”

“I thought it was cute.” Haru cooed, his fingers tenderly sweeping the hair from Rin’s forehead. “And I liked our date, thank you very much.”

“We just talked about me though, right?”

“Mhm. I like hearing about you. You’re life is so… adventurous and wild, not like mine was. It was really refreshing.” Haru smirked. “Plus I just really love the sound of your voice.”

“Oh? Kinky.”

Haru flicked his forehead lightly. “Shut up. I didn’t mean like that, but… I’m not opposed to new things anymore, I guess.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Do you remember our first night together? God, I was so awkward and clumsy, and at first I thought you just wanted to get off until you started talking about how you thought about me in Australia when you… during—”

“Mmm yeah, I did say that, didn't I." Rin internally face palmed.  "Sometimes, when I couldn't fall asleep at night when I moved away, I just liked to remember your laugh or your smile..." Rin's gaze was far away, a peaceful expression resting gently on his face. Then his eyes widened dramatically. "Or you eyes, fuck, man, have I ever told you how much I love your eyes?"

Haru chuckled softly. “You’re so weird, Rin Matsuoka.”

“Or I just have a really hot boyfriend, Haruka Nanase.” Rin smiled back. "You know, when we first slept together you made me feel like I was worth a million bucks."

Haru chuckled a little louder, amused. "What?"

"It's true. I always wondered who the great Haruka Nanase slept with, turns out it's someone like me."

Haru pecked him on the lips, pulling away with a smile. "That was... an amazing night."

"It was? Okay, I'm glad... I was pretty overenthusiastic about the whole thing though. As embarrassing as it sounds it was kinda like a dream come true."

“It was good, you made it good... You’re kind of addicting.” Haru commented with a smirk. Then it fell slowly after a shared moment, his eyes dropping with it. “And then… that morning.”

“... Yeah, that was fucking awkward. I never thought Sosuke’d show up, especially not after sleeping with you.” Rin chuckled nervously. “I was so scared you’d be turned off if you knew about him, I didn’t want you running away. After having you once I wasn’t ready to lose you again.”

“Oh, no it wasn’t about that. Honestly, I already knew a little about Sosuke, I… uh, I saw him on your pictures online. But there was nothing about a breakup and I wasn’t sure what your relationship was, so truthfully I thought I’d just slept with you when you and him were still together. I was so embarrassed and ashamed, and when you wouldn’t talk to me right after I thought I was just an alternative to him. I mean, I can see you kinda have a type.”

Rin flushed red. “I guess I do.”

“So… sorry for thinking you’d cheat, or whatever. I was just making things up in my head.”

“It’s fine, I get it. It’s kinda my fault too, I didn’t really end things with Sosuke properly, I just told him we couldn’t be together anymore cause I was moving back to Japan. He didn’t really know the extent of my feelings for you, but I think at times he suspected.”

“Suspected?”

Rin scratched his neck, rolling his head to the side to avoid eye contact. “Yeah, I might’ve… had a bit of an obsession with you, and he started to catch on.”

“You’re cute.”

“Oh fuck off, okay! I was just a fan, and I knew you when we were kids, and I watched all your races and… okay, you know what? I’m just gonna stop talking.” He pouted when Haru began laughing, feeling the vibrations along his whole torso where their bodies were touching.

Haru petered off after a minute, a stray giggle still breaking loose every few seconds. Haru’s gentle hand pushed Rin’s cheek to look back over at him.

“How had we ever been so stupid, Rin?” Haru finally said, a wide smile spread across his rosy cheeks. “I loved you all this time, and you loved me too. I thought you forgot about me, or wouldn’t care if we met again, but you never stopped thinking about me, right? Just like I never stopped thinking about you.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Rin agreed, Haru’s contagious smile extending to him. “We must be dreaming, right?”

Haru pushed forward to plant a quick kiss to Rin’s lips. “Not at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a short epilogue that ties things together nicely which will be posted as usual next saturday, so stay tuned... But other than that this was the last full chapter! Thank you for reading :D  
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:
> 
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (sasuke has issues whats new)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (duuuuurrrty)  
> 


	13. Epilogue: Once More

When he opened his eyes, he was in line under the stadium. 

The roar of the crowd flooded his ears from overhead, and instead of tuning it out, he let it filter through.

These people were here for him.

“Please come forward.” An event official calls him over, offering words of good luck. The man is middle aged, but in his eyes shone admiration. Haru asks his name, he learns his daughter is a fan, how she too wants to swim on the world stage someday. The man scrambles for something for Haru to sign, realizing this is probably the one and only chance he'd have with talking to the top swimmer in the world. Without a second thought, Haru gives the man his national team jacket.

“For your daughter.” He says as the announcer calls his name over the loudspeakers.

“Representing Japan! Haruka Nanase!” Blasts through the walls, accompanied by cheers and screams of tens of thousands as he walks onto the pool deck. A cameraman moves beside him, and Haru smiles to the crowd. In the echoey dome of the pool, the cheers magnify, and Haru lets them motivate him, fill him up, realizing once again that this is the moment all of his training and effort had been for.

He swings his arms as he studies the giant Olympic rings across the length of the pool. A challenge set by the last time he was faced with them. He smirks, _challenge accepted._

He looks around the edges of the stadium, finding his family in the lower seats, accompanied by Makoto and Sosuke, all with bright smiles on their faces. And there beside them are two women with beautiful maroon hair, loudest of them all, nearly in tears when the next name is announced over the loudspeaker.

“Representing Japan! Rin Matsuoka!”

And just like before, the crowd erupts into screams. The entire building is shaking. And then there he is; maroon hair, a wide smile, and blood-red eyes that catch Haru’s own the moment he walks onto the pool deck. And Haru is smiling back at him, wide and white, when Rin comes to join him by his side, just like he’s supposed to.

The rest of the competitors are called out, Haru and Rin situated in the centre of it all. If he were to look up at the screens surrounding the stadium, all he would see were him and Rin in frame.

This is the men’s 100m Free Finals.

His brief meeting with the water will last roughly 46 seconds.

The starter calls them to their starting positions, and when Haru towers at the top of the platform, he feels as light as a feather. From beside him there’s the familiar snap of rubber meeting rubber as Rin secures his goggles over his eyes. The entire stadium goes quiet now, nothing but the sound of breathing and anticipation filtering through the air. Haru leans down, clenching his toes over the platform and gripping the edge. Tensing his muscles in preparation to fly. His focus is at an all-time high, and nothing can stop him now. 

But then, in the silence of the stadium, he glances to his left to find Rin’s blood-red eyes looking back at him. He smiles, and Haru matches it.

He looks out at the water, and a loud _beep_ echoes through the whole stadium when the starter plunges the button. He dives, hanging in time, and as his fingertips break the surface he can’t help but feel excited.

Because unlike the last time he found himself here, now he was finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Together they brought the laughter back into their lives, the enjoyment for swimming, and the motivation to achieve their dreams.  
> Years later when asked about how they met, the two would only smile at each other and call themselves ignorant teenagers. Their story is one where no time or distance can hold love apart because if the dude’s worth it, he’ll still be there in the end."  
> -edited out piece that i thought id throw in here
> 
> Firstly, thanks to everyone who made it this far, props to you  
> I'm super excited about being finished, even though its a little sad too  
> Thoughts on RinHaru / Free ? Should I write more in the future or is one enough hahahah ha haa a  
> I was originally considering having a SoMako accompaniment to this piece, but depending on people's response and how much work I'm willing to put into such a project would determine whether or not it actually happens lol  
> I know the characters are a little OOC, especially nearing the end, but I think overall I'm pretty happy with how it all turned out for a first try at RinHaru.  
> This was written as a bit of an escape from my two other fics which are heavily plot based/better written, so I apologize if this was too fluffy for your preference  
> Fun fact: the word 'fuck' is used 169 times throughout this fic  
> If you have any suggestions about fics you'd like me to write in the future let me know, I'm always searching for new inspiration!  
> Let me know what your thoughts were about this fic, if you liked it or if you hated it. Any constructive feedback would be awesome as well. We're all just people wanting to get better at writing so help me out if you think I could use it!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> As always kudos and comments are really appreciated
> 
> If you enjoy my work please feel free to check out my other fics:  
> [NaruSasu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321625/chapters/33047388) <\--- (Gay Ninjas)  
> [IwaOi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566011/chapters/33658008) <\--- (Pro player Oiks)  
> 


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